新高考读后续写高分素材微技能之细节描写1.docx

1、新高考读后续写高分素材微技能之细节描写11、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。 _2、请你在此概括描述的根底上增加细节描述，注意逻辑关系以及语意的合理。1 _2 _3 _参考答案：1.When the host announced that she won the prize, she felt thrilled.2.1) When the host announced that she won the prize,her eyes twinkled with excitement.冲动得两眼放光2) When the host announced that she won the

2、prize,her heart was thumping with excitement.(冲动得心砰砰跳)3) When the host announced that she won the prize,a wide excitement took hold of her.(兴奋不能自已)感到悲伤的细节描述一听到那个坏消息，她悲伤不已。1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。 _2、请你在此概括描述的根底上增加细节描述，注意逻辑关系以及语意的合理。1 _2 _3 _参考答案：1.Upon hearing the bad news, she felt extremely sad.2.

3、1Upon hearing the bad news,her heart ached, tears streaming down her cheeks.(心痛，眼泪直流)2Upon hearing the bad news, she,numb with grief, had trouble speaking.(悲伤到失去知觉，不能开口说话)3Upon hearing the bad news, shefelt seized by a burst of sadnessand couldnt help crying bitterly.(被一股悲伤之感控制，忍不住哭泣)“感到开心的细节描述当妈妈亲吻

4、他时，小baby开心极了。1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。 _2、请你在此概括描述的根底上增加细节描述，注意逻辑关系以及语意的合理。1 _2 _3 _参考答案：1.When his mother kissed him on the cheek, the baby was happy/delighted/full of joy.2.1)When his mother kissed him on the cheek, it seemed as if the babywere on top of the world.(非常开心) 2)When the mother kissed th

5、e baby on the cheek,his facebeamed and his bright smile lit up the room.(眉开眼笑；笑容照亮房间) 3)When the mother kissed the baby on the cheek,his eyes danced with joy and sweetness.(欢欣雀跃)感到羞愧的细节描述她感到非常羞愧。1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。_(答案见底部Key 1)2、请你在此概括描述的根底上增加细节描述，注意逻辑关系以及语意的合理。1_2_3_(答案见底部Key 2)参考答案：Key 1:She

6、felt ashamed.Key 2:1)She felt so ashamedthatshecouldfeelherface burning.(脸上滚烫)2)So ashamed was she that she couldfeelthe blood rush toherface.(血液涌上脸颊)3)So ashamed did she feel that shewas close to tears.(快哭了)“感到生气的细节描述Sheldon感到非常生气。1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。 _2、请你在此概括描述的根底上增加细节描述，注意逻辑关系以及语意的合理。1 _2 _3

7、 _参考答案：Key 1: Sheldon felt very angry.Key 2:1) Sheldon felt so angry that hestormed out of the room, slamming the door furiously behind him.(冲出房间；狠狠摔门)2)Boiling with rage, Sheldonshook his fist at me.(怒火中烧；挥舞拳头)3)Filled with fury, Sheldon wasunable toutter a single word.(充满愤怒；说不出话)“感到绝望的细节描述Tony感到很绝

8、望。1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。 _2、请你在此概括描述的根底上增加细节描述，注意逻辑关系以及语意的合理。1 _2 _3 _参考答案：Key 1: Tony felt hopeless/desperate.Key 2:1)As the result of an accident,Tonywas suddenly thrown intoa world of darkness and sank into hopelessness.(被投入黑暗之中；陷入绝望)2)Tonyfelt left outand was getting desperate with loneliness.

9、(感觉被遗忘、无视)3) Tonys beliefs in looking forward and seeing the positive in everythingdesertedhim.“人的行走之态细节描述1、踉踉跄跄 _2、悄悄地走_3、猛冲_(答案见底部)Keys:1.The player lost his balance,staggered backandtoppled over.这个运发动失去了平衡，向后趔趄摔倒了。2.Sheslippedout of bed andtiptoedto the window. 她溜下床，踮起脚尖走向窗户。3.The minionmade a ru

10、sh for the doorand escaped from the scene. 小黄人向门冲去，逃离了现场。人的说话方式细节描述说话的方式多种多样，如果都用talk就显得索然无味，也不够准确，所以要多积累各种各样的表达。1、说长道短；八卦 _2、小声咕哝_3、嚎叫_(答案见底部)Keys:1.The whole company isgossiping aboutthe reason for his dismissal.整个公司都在谈论他被免职的原因。2.Hemurmured againstthe strict rules of the reality show.他私下低声抱怨真人秀的严苛

11、规那么。3.Treated so unfairly, shehowled in pain and anger.被如此不公正地对待，她痛苦而又愤怒的嚎叫。细节描述之“思考如何表达一个人暗自思索时的样子对学生来说是很困难的，大多数情况下，学生往往会选择避开，但是，人无时无刻不在思考，强行避开会使得故事内容上有些不衔接。所以，今天我们就一起来学习一下如何表达一个人的思考神态。1.得知问题所在之后，他的大脑开始急速运转，想要想出一个好的解决方案。_2. 单独一人时，他总是会想到那可怕的经历。_3.在他洗澡时，突然想到了一个好主意。_(答案见底部)Keys:1.After he knew what th

12、e problem was,his mind began to race, trying to think of a good solution. (大脑飞速运转)2.When left alone, he would alwaysbe haunted bythat horrible experience. (不好的回忆萦绕心头挥之不去)3.When he was taking a shower, a brilliant idea suddenlycrossed his mind. (突然闪过某人的脑海)细节描述之“describe a peaceful scene今天，我们来看看该如何描述安

13、静祥和的场景。1.享受阳光_2. 山间有小屋和田地_3.入暮时分，芦苇随风飘扬_(答案见底部)Keys:1.When Iwas bathed inthe sunlight, it felt likethe amber-like sunshine was kissing every inch of my skin. (沐浴在阳光下；琥珀色的阳光亲吻着全身的肌肤)2. Mist-covered mountainswere dotted withsmall farms and villages. (点缀着)3.The sound of my footsteps was accompanied onl

14、y bythe gracefully waving reeds. (优雅地随风飘扬的芦苇)细节描述之“describe stormy weather今天，我们来看看该如何描述风雨交加的天气。1._2. 劲风恶浪肆虐_3.暴雨疾风_(答案见底部)Keys:1.The sky isovercast,darkened with gloomy clouds2. On that dark and stormy night,the waveswerecrashing and the winds were howling.(海浪肆意拍打；劲风咆哮)3.The raincamepouring down, th

15、e streams rose, and the winds blew andbeat againstthe house. (暴风骤雨)读后续写对话中的常见误区1废话连篇，无助推动情节开展，刻画人物性格。“Hey, how are you? “Im fine, how are you?“How is the weather? “Terrific! Nice day for a walk, isnt it?评析：这样的对话在现实生活中很真实，但是小说毕竟是艺术加工，无助情节推动的，不能刻画人物性格的日常应酬和偏离文章主线的对话绝对不用。2追求花哨，过度使用对话标签dialogue tags“Tha

16、t is fantastic news, he said happily.评析：此句中完全没有必要加上一个happily来表达说的方式，因为句中的fantastic一词足以说明说话人了表情，过度强调dialogue tags会让读者的注意力集中在“说话的方式而不是“说话的内容。建议改为：“That is fantastic news！ he said/screamed/exclaimed. (fantastic已经足以让读者想象当时的情景。适当的“艺术留白也是需要的，这样会留给读者想象的空间。还有一种防止过度的dialogue tags“动作描写来取而代之。如：Her eyes reflect

17、ed the candlelight as she smiled at her son.“Everyone is unique. Just follow your heart and be yourself!3用词不当，错误使用对话标签dialogue tagsI cant believe it, Emma gasped.Thats hilarious, Henry chuckled.评析：以上两句话也是我在大量的学生习作甚至是范文中发现的。这里把动作描写和dialogue tags混淆了，试想谁能gasp喘息、chuckle轻笑出一句话？除非他或她有特异功能。I cant believe i

18、t, Emmasaid with a gasp.Question tag+ with介词短语Emma gasped.I cant believe it.动作描写+I cant believe it.Emma gasped.对话句断+动作描写Thats hilarious!Henrychuckled.感慨句结束+动作描写Thats hilarious, Henrysaid, chuckling.Question tag+分词做伴随状况请特别关注以上对话的标点。4多此一举，对话对象十清楚确，仍使用对话标签“I told you already, I said, glaring.评析：此句貌似豪华，

19、其实对话中的主语“I已经清晰地说明了说话者，完全没有必要用question tag“I said来说明说话对象。加上一点动作描写就可以防止这种错误，并且提升语言的生动性。I glared at him.“I told you already.5频用副词，词汇贫乏 只会tell 不会show“How can you do this？she said angrily，looking at me furiously.评析：此句也是貌似“高大上，使用了大量副词，并且套用了分词做伴随的句型。任何方面都有度，过之而不及。过度堆砌辞藻会让人生厌，过度使用副词也会让阅卷老师觉得你词汇贫乏，非得用副词才能表达出

20、来。21积累相关的show的词汇来防止过度使用副词2穿插动作描写辅助对话，刻画人物心情试比拟以下两句：“Thats not what you said yesterday,she said, her voice implying she was withdrawing.“Thats not what you said yesterday.She hesitated, turned and walked to the window.评析：两句话粗看都是相当不错。无论从词汇和语法结构的使用似乎都属于上乘之作。但细细琢磨下面这句反而更高一筹。原因是，第一句用了imply和withdraw 两词来te

21、ll说话者she的心情，而第二句hesitate和后面的动作描写让她的犹豫心情跃然纸上。小说故事要的就是这种show的方式。分析对话实例，揭示对话秘诀Example 1原文内容：作者爸爸在阳台种植康乃馨，悉心呵护，作者一家都非常喜欢这些花。爸妈再三强调不允许作者和他姐姐不能触碰这些花。To our surprise, Dad was mad about it, yelling at us, “ Dont you know touching is not allowed? What on earth have you done?赏析：反义疑问句和on earth 的使用加强了语气，凸显了父亲的生

22、气。Example 2原文内容：母亲去世，哥哥外出。父女相约吃饭， 引发了女儿对母亲和哥哥的思念，父亲读懂了女儿内心的想法，抚慰女儿。母亲在天堂一定希望他们过得快乐，现在他们需要做的就是珍惜身边的人。Seeing this, my father lovingly held my handsand said to me, “Sweetheart, I believeyour mothermust want you to live happily, so say goodbye to the past and embrace the present. Your brother and I will

23、 always be with you.赏析：Example 3原文内容：作者家突然停电，虽然弟弟觉得停电时间非常无聊，但是作者却非常享受停电时间，享受“没有现代电子科技带来的干扰的宁静片刻。Bzzz! The lights return. “ Yeah, no more candles! My mother yells, pulling me away from my fantasy.赏析：对话简洁自然，表达了说话者恢复用电时候的兴奋，对话外面的dialogue tag也很出色，分词的使用既丰富了语言也推动了情节的进一步开展。Example 4原文内容：主人公Jenny 通过自身的劳动获得了

24、心爱的项链，形影不离。父亲每日给她讲睡前故事。父亲成心试探女儿，问是否可以把项链给他。Jenny深爱爸爸但不舍自己努力得来的项链。A week later, her father once again asked Jenny after her story. “ Jenny, you love me, dont you? Give me your pearls, okay? “ Daddy, why must you ask for the pearls? Jenny refused again.“ Not only did I finish all those chores, but als

25、o I spent the dollar bill given for my birthday just to pay for it.They both fell into silence. Then her father smiled，comforting her with a warm hug. “ Thats okey, darling. Good night.Several days later, when Jennys father came in to read her a story as usual, he was surprised to find something under the story book, which turned out to be the necklace. “ Daddy, now you can have it. Jenny raised her head, “ You know, I love you. Her f