TED英语演讲稿二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴附翻译.docx

TED英语演讲稿二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴附翻译.docx

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TED英语演讲稿二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴附翻译

TED英语演讲稿：

二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴（附翻译）

wheniwasinmy20s,isawmyveryfirstpsychotherapyclient.iwasaph.d.studentinclinicalpsychologyatberkeley.shewasa26-year-oldwomannamedalex.nowalexwalkedintoherfirstsessionwearingjeansandabigslouchytop,andshedroppedontothecouchinmyofficeandkickedoffherflatsandtoldmeshewastheretotalkaboutguyproblems.nowwheniheardthis,iwassorelieved.myclassmategotanarsonistforherfirstclient.（laughter）andigotatwentysomethingwhowantedtotalkaboutboys.thisithoughticouldhandle.

butididnthandleit.withthefunnystoriesthatalexwouldbringtosession,itwaseasyformejusttonodmyheadwhilewekickedthecandowntheroad.thirtysthenew20,alexwouldsay,andasfarasicouldtell,shewasright.workhappenedlater,marriagehappenedlater,kidshappenedlater,evendeathhappenedlater.twentysomethingslikealexandihadnothingbuttime.

butbeforelong,mysupervisorpushedmetopushalexaboutherlovelife.ipushedback.

isaid,sure,shesdatingdown,shessleepingwithaknucklehead,butitsnotlikeshesgoingtomarrytheguy.

andthenmysupervisorsaid,notyet,butshemightmarrythenextone.besides,thebesttimetoworkonalexsmarriageisbeforeshehasone.

thatswhatpsychologistscallanaha!

moment.thatwasthemomentirealized,30isnotthenew20.yes,peoplesettledownlaterthantheyusedto,butthatdidntmakealexs20sadevelopmentaldowntime.thatmadealexs20sadevelopmentalsweetspot,andweweresittingthereblowingit.thatwaswhenirealizedthatthissortofbenignneglectwasarealproblem,andithadrealconsequences,notjustforalexandherlovelifebutforthecareersandthefamiliesandthefuturesoftwentysomethingseverywhere.

thereare50milliontwentysomethingsintheunitedstatesrightnow.weretalkingabout15percentofthepopulation,or100percentifyouconsiderthatnoonesgettingthroughadulthoodwithoutgoingthroughtheir20sfirst.

raiseyourhandifyoureinyour20s.ireallywanttoseesometwentysomethingshere.oh,yay!

yallsawesome.ifyouworkwithtwentysomethings,youloveatwentysomething,yourelosingsleepovertwentysomethings,iwanttoseeokay.awesome,twentysomethingsreallymatter.

soispecializeintwentysomethingsbecauseibelievethateverysingleoneofthose50milliontwentysomethingsdeservestoknowwhatpsychologists,sociologists,neurologistsandfertilityspecialistsalreadyknow:

thatclaimingyour20sisoneofthesimplest,yetmosttransformative,thingsyoucandoforwork,forlove,foryourhappiness,maybeevenfortheworld.

thisisnotmyopinion.thesearethefacts.weknowthat80percentoflifesmostdefiningmomentstakeplacebyage35.thatmeansthateightoutof10ofthedecisionsandexperiencesandaha!

momentsthatmakeyourlifewhatitiswillhavehappenedbyyourmid-30s.peoplewhoareover40,dontpanic.thiscrowdisgoingtobefine,ithink.weknowthatthefirst10yearsofacareerhasanexponentialimpactonhowmuchmoneyyouregoingtoearn.weknowthatmorethanhalfofamericansaremarriedorarelivingwithordatingtheirfuturepartnerby30.weknowthatthebraincapsoffitssecondandlastgrowthspurtinyour20sasitrewiresitselfforadulthood,whichmeansthatwhateveritisyouwanttochangeaboutyourself,nowisthetimetochangeit.weknowthatpersonalitychangesmoreduringyour20sthanatanyothertimeinlife,andweknowthatfemalefertilitypeaksatage28,andthingsgettrickyafterage35.soyour20sarethetimetoeducateyourselfaboutyourbodyandyouroptions.

sowhenwethinkaboutchilddevelopment,weallknowthatthefirstfiveyearsareacriticalperiodforlanguageandattachmentinthebrain.itsatimewhenyourordinary,day-to-daylifehasaninordinateimpactonwhoyouwillbecome.butwhatwehearlessaboutisthattheressuchathingasadultdevelopment,andour20sarethatcriticalperiodofadultdevelopment.

butthisisntwhattwentysomethingsarehearing.newspaperstalkaboutthechangingtimetableofadulthood.researcherscallthe20sanextendedadolescence.journalistscoinsillynicknamesfortwentysomethingsliketwixtersandkidults.itstrue.asaculture,wehavetrivializedwhatisactuallythedefiningdecadeofadulthood.

leonardbernsteinsaidthattoachievegreatthings,youneedaplanandnotquiteenoughtime.isntthattrue?

sowhatdoyouthinkhappenswhenyoupatatwentysomethingontheheadandyousay,youhave10extrayearstostartyourlife?

nothinghappens.youhaverobbedthatpersonofhisurgencyandambition,andabsolutelynothinghappens.

andtheneveryday,smart,interestingtwentysomethingslikeyouorlikeyoursonsanddaughterscomeintomyofficeandsaythingslikethis:

iknowmyboyfriendsnogoodforme,butthisrelationshipdoesntcount.imjustkillingtime.ortheysay,everybodysaysaslongasigetstartedonacareerbythetimeim30,illbefine.

butthenitstartstosoundlikethis:

my20sarealmostover,andihavenothingtoshowformyself.ihadabetterrsumthedayafterigraduatedfromcollege.

andthenitstartstosoundlikethis:

datinginmy20swaslikemusicalchairs.everybodywasrunningaroundandhavingfun,butthensometimearound30itwaslikethemusicturnedoffandeverybodystartedsittingdown.ididntwanttobetheonlyoneleftstandingup,sosometimesithinkimarriedmyhusbandbecausehewastheclosestchairtomeat30.

wherearethetwentysomethingshere?

donotdothat.

okay,nowthatsoundsalittleflip,butmakenomistake,thestakesareveryhigh.whenalothasbeenpushedtoyour30s,thereisenormousthirtysomethingpressuretojump-startacareer,pickacity,partnerup,andhavetwoorthreekidsinamuchshorterperiodoftime.manyofthesethingsareincompatible,andasresearchisjuststartingtoshow,simplyharderandmorestressfultodoallatonceinour30s.

thepost-millennialmidlifecrisisisntbuyingaredsportscar.itsrealizingyoucanthavethatcareeryounowwant.itsrealizingyoucanthavethatchildyounowwant,oryoucantgiveyourchildasibling.toomanythirtysomethingsandfortysomethingslookatthemselves,andatme,sittingacrosstheroom,andsayabouttheir20s,whatwasidoing?

whatwasithinking?

iwanttochangewhattwentysomethingsaredoingandthinking.

heresastoryabouthowthatcango.itsastoryaboutawomannamedemma.at25,emmacametomyofficebecauseshewas,inherwords,havinganidentitycrisis.shesaidshethoughtshemightliketoworkinartorentertainment,butshehadntdecidedyet,soshedspentthelastfewyearswaitingtablesinstead.becauseitwascheaper,shelivedwithaboyfriendwhodisplayedhistempermorethanhisambition.andashardasher20swere,herearlylifehadbeenevenharder.sheoftencriedinoursessions,butthenwouldcollectherselfbysaying,youcantpickyourfamily,butyoucanpickyourfriends.

welloneday,emmacomesinandshehangsherheadinherlap,andshesobbedformostofthehour.shedjustboughtanewaddressbook,andshedspentthemorningfillinginhermanycontacts,butthenshedbeenleftstaringatthatemptyblankthatcomesafterthewordsincaseofemergency,pleasecall....shewasnearlyhystericalwhenshelookedatmeandsaid,whosgoingtobethereformeifigetinacarwreck?

whosgoingtotakecareofmeifihavecancer?

nowinthatmoment,ittookeverythingihadnottosay,iwill.butwhatemmaneededwasntsometherapistwhoreally,reallycared.emmaneededabetterlife,andiknewthiswasherchance.ihadlearnedtoomuchsinceifirstworkedwithalextojustsittherewhileemmasdefiningdecadewentparadingby.

sooverthenextweeksandmonths,itoldemmathreethingsthateverytwentysomething,maleorfemale,deservestohear.

first,itoldemmatoforgetabouthavinganidentitycrisisandgetsomeidentitycapital.bygetidentitycapital,imeandosomethingthataddsvaluetowhoyouare.dosomethingthatsaninvestmentinwhoyoumightwanttobenext.ididntknowthefutureofemmascareer,andnooneknowsthefutureofwork,butidoknowthis:

identitycapitalbegetsidentitycapital.sonowisthetimeforthatcross-countryjob,thatinternship,thatstartupyouwanttotry.imnotdiscountingtwentysomethingexplorationhere,butiamdiscountingexplorationthatsnotsupposedtocount,which,bytheway,isnotexploration.thatsprocrastination.itoldemmatoexploreworkandmakeitcount.

second,itoldemmathattheurbantribeisoverrated.bestfriendsaregreatforgivingridestotheairport,buttwentysomethingswhohuddletogetherwithlike-mindedpeerslimitwhotheyknow,whattheyknow,howtheythink,howtheyspeak,andwheretheywork.thatnewpieceofcapital,thatnewpersontodatealmostalwayscomesfromoutsidetheinnercircle.newthingscomefromwhatarecalledourweakties,ourfriendsoffriendsoffriends.soyes,halfoftwentysomethingsareun-orunder-employed.buthalfarent,andweaktiesarehowyougetyourselfintothatgroup.halfofnewjobsareneverposted,soreachingouttoyourneighborsbossishowyougetthatun-postedjob.itsnotcheating.itsthescienceofhowinformationspreads.

lastbutnotleast,emmabelievedthatyoucantpickyourfamily,butyoucanpickyourfriends.nowthiswastrueforhergrowingup,butasatwentysomething,soonemmawouldpickherfamilywhenshepartneredwithsomeoneandcreatedafamilyofherown.itoldemmathetimetostartpickingyourfamilyisnow.nowyoumaybethinkingthat30isa