Blisskatherine mansfield.docx

Blisskatherine mansfield.docx

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Blisskatherinemansfield

BLISS

ALTHOUGHBerthaYoungwasthirtyshestillhadmomentslikethiswhenshewantedtoruninsteadofwalk,totakedancingstepsonandoffthepavement,tobowlahoop,tothrowsomethingupintheairandcatchitagain,ortostandstillandlaughat–nothing–atnothing,simply.

Whatcanyoudoifyouarethirtyand,turningthecornerofyourownstreet,youareovercome,suddenlybyafeelingofbliss–absolutebliss!

–asthoughyou'dsuddenlyswallowedabrightpieceofthatlateafternoonsunanditburnedinyourbosom,sendingoutalittleshowerofsparksintoeveryparticle,intoeveryfingerandtoe?

...

Oh,istherenowayyoucanexpressitwithoutbeing"drunkanddisorderly"?

Howidioticcivilisationis!

Whybegivenabodyifyouhavetokeepitshutupinacaselikearare,rarefiddle?

"No,thataboutthefiddleisnotquitewhatImean,"shethought,runningupthestepsandfeelinginherbagforthekey–she'dforgottenit,asusual–andrattlingtheletter-box."It'snotwhatImean,because–Thankyou,Mary"–shewentintothehall."Isnurseback?

"

"Yes,M'm."

"Andhasthefruitcome?

"

"Yes,M'm.Everything'scome."

"Bringthefruituptothedining-room,willyou?

I'llarrangeitbeforeIgoupstairs."

Itwasduskyinthedining-roomandquitechilly.ButallthesameBerthathrewoffhercoat;shecouldnotbearthetightclaspofitanothermoment,andthecoldairfellonherarms.

Butinherbosomtherewasstillthatbrightglowingplace–thatshoweroflittlesparkscomingfromit.Itwasalmostunbearable.Shehardlydaredtobreatheforfearoffanningithigher,andyetshebreatheddeeply,deeply.Shehardlydaredtolookintothecoldmirror–butshedidlook,anditgaveherbackawoman,radiant,withsmiling,tremblinglips,withbig,darkeyesandanairoflistening,waitingforsomething...divinetohappen...thatsheknewmusthappen...infallibly.

Marybroughtinthefruitonatrayandwithitaglassbowl,andabluedish,verylovely,withastrangesheenonitasthoughithadbeendippedinmilk.

"ShallIturnonthelight,M'm?

"

"No,thankyou.Icanseequitewell."

Thereweretangerinesandapplesstainedwithstrawberrypink.Someyellowpears,smoothassilk,somewhitegrapescoveredwithasilverbloomandabigclusterofpurpleones.Theselastshehad[Page118]boughttotoneinwiththenewdining-roomcarpet.Yes,thatdidsoundratherfar-fetchedandabsurd,butitwasreallywhyshehadboughtthem.Shehadthoughtintheshop:

"Imusthavesomepurpleonestobringthecarpetuptothetable."Andithadseemedquitesenseatthetime.

Whenshehadfinishedwiththemandhadmadetwopyramidsofthesebrightroundshapes,shestoodawayfromthetabletogettheeffect–anditreallywasmostcurious.Forthedarktableseemedtomeltintotheduskylightandtheglassdishandthebluebowltofloatintheair.This,ofcourse,inherpresentmood,wassoincrediblybeautiful....Shebegantolaugh.

"No,no.I'mgettinghysterical."Andsheseizedherbagandcoatandranupstairstothenursery.

NursesatatalowtablegivingLittleBhersupperafterherbath.Thebabyhadonawhiteflannelgownandabluewoollenjacket,andherdark,finehairwasbrushedupintoafunnylittlepeak.Shelookedupwhenshesawhermotherandbegantojump.

"Now,mylovey,eatituplikeagoodgirl,"saidnurse,settingherlipsinawaythatBerthaknew,andthatmeantshehadcomeintothenurseryatanotherwrongmoment.

"Hasshebeengood,Nanny?

"

"She'sbeenalittlesweetalltheafternoon,"whisperedNanny."WewenttotheparkandIsatdownonachairandtookheroutofthepramandabigdogcamealongandputitsheadonmykneeandsheclutcheditsear,tuggedit.Oh,youshouldhaveseenher."

Berthawantedtoaskifitwasn'tratherdangeroustoletherclutchatastrangedog'sear.Butshedidnotdareto.Shestoodwatchingthem,herhandsbyherside,likethepoorlittlegirlinfrontoftherichgirlwiththedoll.

Thebabylookedupatheragain,stared,andthensmiledsocharminglythatBerthacouldn'thelpcrying:

"Oh,Nanny,doletmefinishgivingherhersupperwhileyouputthebaththingsaway.

"Well,M'm,sheoughtn'ttobechangedhandswhileshe'seating,"saidNanny,stillwhispering."Itunsettlesher;it'sverylikelytoupsether."

Howabsurditwas.Whyhaveababyifithastobekept–notinacaselikearare,rarefiddle–butinanotherwoman'sarms?

"Oh,Imust!

"saidshe.

Veryoffended,Nannyhandedherover.

"Now,don'texciteherafterhersupper.Youknowyoudo,M'm.AndIhavesuchatimewithherafter!

"

Thankheaven!

Nannywentoutoftheroomwiththebathtowels.

"NowI'vegotyoutomyself,mylittleprecious,"saidBertha,asthebabyleanedagainsther.

Sheatedelightfully,holdingupherlipsforthespoonandthenwavingherhands.Sometimesshewouldn'tletthespoongo;andsometimes,justasBerthahadfilledit,shewaveditawaytothefourwinds.

WhenthesoupwasfinishedBerthaturnedroundtothefire."You'renice–you'reverynice!

"saidshe,kissingherwarmbaby."I'mfondofyou.Ilikeyou."

Andindeed,shelovedLittleBsomuch–herneckasshebentforward,herexquisitetoesastheyshonetransparentinthefirelight–thatallherfeelingofblisscamebackagain,andagainshedidn'tknowhowtoexpressit–whattodowithit.

"You'rewantedonthetelephone,"saidNanny,comingbackintriumphandseizingherLittleB.

Downsheflew.ItwasHarry.

"Oh,isthatyou,Ber?

Lookhere.I'llbelate.I'lltakeataxiandcomealongasquicklyasIcan,butgetdinnerputbacktenminutes–willyou?

Allright?

"

"Yes,perfectly.Oh,Harry!

"

"Yes?

"

Whathadshetosay?

She'dnothingtosay.Sheonlywantedtogetintouchwithhimforamoment.Shecouldn'tabsurdlycry:

"Hasn'titbeenadivineday!

"

"Whatisit?

"rappedoutthelittlevoice.

"Nothing.Entendu,"saidBertha,andhungupthereceiver,thinkinghowmuchmorethanidioticcivilisationwas.

Theyhadpeoplecomingtodinner.TheNormanKnights–averysoundcouple–hewasabouttostartatheatre,andshewasawfullykeenoninteriordecoration,ayoungman,EddieWarren,whohadjustpublishedalittlebookofpoemsandwhomeverybodywasaskingtodine,anda"find"ofBertha'scalledPearlFulton.WhatMissFultondid,Berthadidn'tknow.TheyhadmetattheclubandBerthahadfalleninlovewithher,asshealwaysdidfallinlovewithbeautifulwomenwhohadsomethingstrangeaboutthem.

Theprovokingthingwasthat,thoughtheyhadbeenabouttogetherandmetanumberoftimesandreallytalked,Berthacouldn'tmakeherout.UptoacertainpointMissFultonwasrarely,wonderfullyfrank,butthecertainpointwasthere,andbeyondthatshewouldnotgo.

Wasthereanythingbeyondit?

Harrysaid"No."Votedherdullish,and"coldlikeallblondewomen,withatouch,perhaps,ofanaemiaofthebrain."ButBerthawouldn'tagreewithhim;notyet,atanyrate.

"No,thewayshehasofsittingwithherheadalittleononeside,andsmiling,hassomethingbehindit,Harry,andImustfindoutwhatthatsomethingis."

"Mostlikelyit'sagoodstomach,"answeredHarry.

HemadeapointofcatchingBertha'sheelswithrepliesofthatkind..."liverfrozen,mydeargirl,"or"pureflatulence,"or"kidneydisease,"...andsoon.ForsomestrangereasonBerthalikedthis,andalmostadmireditinhimverymuch.

Shewentintothedrawing-roomandlightedthefire;then,pickingupthecushions,onebyone,thatMaryhaddisposedsocarefully,shethrewthembackontothechairsandthecouches.Thatmadeallthedifference;theroomcamealiveatonce.Asshewasabouttothrowthelastoneshesurprisedherselfbysuddenlyhuggingittoher,passionately,passionately.Butitdidnotputoutthefireinherbosom.Oh,onthecontrary!

Thewindowsofthedrawing-roomopenedontoabalconyoverlookingthegarden.Atthefarend,againstthewall,therewasatall,slenderpeartreeinfullest,richestbloom;itstoodperfect,asthoughbecalmedagainstthejade-greensky.Berthacouldn'thelpfeeling,evenfromthisdistance,thatithadnotasinglebudorafadedpetal.Downbelow,inthegardenbeds,theredandyellowtulips,heavywithflowers,seemedtoleanuponthedusk.Agreycat,draggingitsbelly,creptacrossthelawn,andablackone,itsshadow,trailedafter.Thesightofthem,sointentandsoquick,gaveBerthaacuriousshiver.

"Whatcreepythingscatsare!

"shestammered,andsheturnedawayfromthewindowandbeganwalkingupanddown....

Howstrongthejonquilssmelledinthewarmroom.Toostrong?

Oh,no.Andyet,asthoughovercome,sheflungdownonacouchandpressedherhandstohereyes.

"I'mtoohappy–toohappy!

"shemurmured.

Andsheseemedtoseeonhereyelidsthelovelypeartreewithitswideopenblossomsasasymbolofherownlife.

Really–really–shehadeverything.Shewasyoung.Harryandshewereasmuchinloveasever,andtheygotontogethersplendidlyandwerereallygoodpals.Shehadanadorablebaby.Theydidn'thavetoworryaboutmoney.Theyhadthisabsolutelysatisfactoryhouseandgarden.Andfriends–modern,thrillingfriends,writersandpaintersandpoetsorpeoplekeenonsocialquestions–justthekindoffriendstheywanted.Andthentherewerebooks,andtherewasmusic,andshehadfoundawonderfullittledressmaker,andtheyweregoingabroadinthesummer,andtheirnewcookmadethemostsuperbomelettes....

"I'mabsurd.Absurd!

"Shesatup;butshefeltquitedizzy,quitedrunk.Itmusthavebeenthespring.

Yes,itwasthespring.Nowshewassotiredshecouldnotdragherselfupstairstodress.

Awhitedress,