TED2013演讲稿 Meg Jay[Why 30 is not the new 20][20岁,不可挥霍的光阴]Word格式.docx

TED2013演讲稿 Meg Jay[Why 30 is not the new 20][20岁,不可挥霍的光阴]Word格式.docx

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sgonnatomanytheguy."

Andthenmysupervisorsaid,"

Notyet,butshemightmarrythenextone.Besides,thebesttimetoworkonAlex'

smarriageisbeforeshehasone."

That'

swhatpsychologistscallan"

Aha!

"

moment.ThatwasthemomentIrealized,30isnotthenew20.Yes,peoplesettledownlaterthantheyusedto,butthatdidn'

tmakeAlex'

stwentiesadevelopmentaldowntime.ThatmadeAlex'

stwentiesadevelopmentalsweetspot,andweweresittingthereblowingit.ThatwaswhenIrealizedthatthissortofbenignneglectwasarealproblem,andithadrealconsequences,notjustforAlexandherlovelife,butforthecareersandthefamiliesandthefuturesoftwentysomethingseverywhere.

Thereare50milliontwentysomethingsintheUnitedStatesrightnow.We'

retalkingabout15percentofthepopulation,or100percentifyouconsiderthatnoone'

sgettingthroughadulthoodwithoutgoingthroughtheirtwentiesfirst.

Raiseyourhandifyouareinyourtwenties.Ireallywanttoseesometwentysomethingshere.Oh,yay!

Y'

all'

sawesome.Ifyouworkwithtwentysomethings,youloveatwentysomething,you'

relosingsleepovertwentysomethings,Iwanttosee.Okay.Awesome.Twentysomethingsreallymatter.

SoIspecializeintwentysomethingsbecauseIbelievethateverysingleoneofthose50milliontwentysomethingsdeservestoknowwhatpsychologists,sociologists,neurologistsandfertilityspecialistsalreadyknow:

thatdaimingyourtwentiesisoneofthesimplest,yetmosttransformativethingsyoucandoforwork,forlove,foryourhappiness,maybeevenforflieworld.Thisisnotmyopinion.Thesearethefacts.Weknowthe80percentoflife'

smostdefiningmomentstakeplacebyage35.Thatmeansthateightoutof10ofthedecisionsandexperiencesand"

momentsthatmakeyourlifewhatitiswillhavehappenedbyyourmid-thirties.Peoplewhoareover40,don'

tpanic.Thiscrowdisgonnabefine,Ithink.Weknowthatthefirst10yearsofacareerhasanexponentialimpactonhowmuchmoneyyouaregoingtoearn.WeknowthatmorethanhalfofAmericansaremarriedorarelivingwithordatingtheirfuturepartnerby30.Weknowthatthebraincapsoffitssecondandlastgrowthspurtinyourtwenties,asitrewiresitselfforadulthood,whichmeansthatwhateveritisyouwanttochangeaboutyourself,nowisthetimetochangeit.

Weknowthatpersonalitychangesmoreduringyourtwentiesthanatanyothertimeinlife,andweknowthatfemalefertilitypeaksatage28,andthingsgettrickyafterage35.Soyourtwentiesarethetimetoeducateyourselfaboutyourbodyandyouroptions.Sowhenwethinkaboutchilddevelopment,weallknowthatthefirstfiveyearsareacriticalperiodforlanguageandattachmentinthebrain.It'

satimewhenyourordinary,day-to-daylifehasaninordinateimpactonwhoyouwillbecome.Butwhatwehearlessaboutisthatthere'

ssuchathingasadultdevelopment,andourtwentiesarethatcriticalperiodofadultdevelopment.

Butthisisn'

twhattwentysomethingsarehearing.Newspaperstalkaboutthechangingtimetableofadulthood.Researcherscallthetwentiesamextendedadolescence.Journalistscoinsillynicknamesfortwentysomethingslike"

twixters"

and"

kidults"

.It'

strue.Asaculture,wehavetrivializedwhatisactuallythedefiningdecadeofadulthood.

LeonardBernsteinsaidthattoachievegreatthings,youneedaplanandnotquiteenoughtime.Isn'

tthattrue?

Sowhatdoyouthinkhappenswhenyoupatatwentysomethingontheheadandyousay,"

Youhave10extrayearstostartyourlife?

Nothinghappens.Youhaverobbedthatpersonofhisurgencyandambition,andabsolutelynothinghappens.Andthen,everyday,smart,interestingtwentysomethingslikeyouorlikeyoursonsanddaughterscomeintomyofficeandsaythingslikethis:

"

Iknowmyboyfriend'

snogoodforme,butthisrelationshipdoesn'

tcount.I'

mjustkillingtime."

Ortheysay,"

EverybodysaysaslongsasIgetstartedonacareerbythetimeI'

m30,I'

llbefine."

Butthenitstartstosoundlikethis:

Mytwentiesarealmostover,andIhavenothingtoshowformyself.IhadabetterresumethedayafterIgraduatedfromcollege."

Andthenitstartstosoundlikethis:

Datinginmytwentieswaslikemusicalchairs.Everybodywasrunningaroundandhavingfun,butthensomethingaround30itwaslikethemusicturnedoffandeverybodystartedsittingdown.Ididn'

twanttobetheonlyoneleftstandingup,sosometimesIthinkImarredmyhusbandbecausehewastheclosestchairtomeat30."

Wherearethetwentysomethingshere?

Donotdothat.Okay,nowthatsoundsalittleflip,butmakenomistake,thestakesareveryhigh.Whenalothasbeenpushedtoyourthirties,thereisenormousthirtysomethingpressuretojump-startacareer,pickacity,partnerup,andhavetwoorthreekidsinamuchshorterperiodoftime.Manyofthesethingsareincompatible,andasresearchisjuststartingtoshow,simplyharderandmorestressfultodoallatonceinourthirties.Thepostmillennialmidlifecrisisisn'

tbuyingaredsportscar.It'

srealizingyoucan'

thavethatcareeryounowwant,oryoucan*tgiveyourchildasibling.Toomanythirtysomethingsandfortysomethingslookatthemselves,andatme,sittingacrosstheroom,andsayabouttheirtwenties,"

WhatwasIdoing?

WhatwasIthinking?

Iwanttochangewhattwentysomethingsaredoingandthinking.Here'

sastoryabouthowthatcango.It'

sastoryaboutawomannamedEmma.At25,Emmacametomyofficebecauseshewas,inherwords,havinganidentitycrisis.Shesaidshethoughtshemightliketoworkinartorentertainment,butshehadn'

tdecidedyet,soshe'

dspentthelastfewyearswaitingtablesinstead.Becauseitwascheaper,shelivedwithaboyfriendwhodisplayedhistempermorethanhisambition.Andashardashertwentieswere,herearlylifehadbeenevenharder.Sheoftencriedinoursessions,butthenwouldcollectherselfbysaying,"

Youcan'

tpickyourfamily,butyoucanpickyourfriends."

Welloneday,Emmacomesinandshehangsherheadinherlap,andshesobbedformostofthehour.She'

djustboughtanewaddressbook,andshe'

dspentthemorningfillinginhermanycontacts,butthenshe'

dbeenleftstaringatthatemptyblankthatcomesafterthewords"

Incaseofemergency,pleasecall...Shewasnearlyhystericalwhenshelookedatmeandsaid,"

Who'

sgoingtobethereformeifIgetinacarwreck?

Who'

sgoingtotakecareofmeifIhavecancer?

Nowinthatmoment,ittookeverythingIhadnottosay,nIwill."

ButwhatEmmaneededwasn'

tsometherapistwhoreally,reallycared.Emmaneededabetterlife,andIknewthiswasherchance.IhadlearnedtoomuchsinceIfirstworkedwithAlextojustsittherewhileEmma'

sdefiningdecadewentparadingby.

Sooverthenextweeksandmonths,ItoldEmmathreethingsthateverytwentysomething,maleorfemale,deservestohear.

First,ItoldEmmatoforgetabouthavinganidentitycrisisandgetsomeidentitycapital.Bygetidentitycapital,Imeandosomethingthataddsvaluetowhoyouare.Dosomethingthat'

saninvestmentinwhoyoumightwanttobenext.Ididn'

tknowthefutureofEmma'

scareer,andnooneknowsthefutureofwork,butIdoknowthis:

Identitycapitalbegetsidentitycapital.Sonowisthetimeforthatcross-countryjob,thatinternship,thatstartupyouwanttotry.I'

mnotdiscountingtwentysomethingexplorationhere,butIamdiscountingexplorationthafsnotsupposedtocount,which,bytheway,isnotexploration.Thafsprocrastination.ItoldEmmatoexploreworkandmakeitcount.

Second,ItoldEmmathattheurbantribeisoverrated.Bestfriendsaregreatforgivingridestotheairport,buttwentysomethingswhohuddletogetherwithlike-mindedpeerslimitwhotheyknow,whattheyknow,howtheythink,howtheyspeak,andwheretheywork.Thatnewpieceofcapital,thatnewpersontodatealmostalwayscomesfromoutsidetheinnercircle.Newthingscomefromwhatarecalledourweakties,ourfriendsoffriendsoffriends.Soyes,halfoftwentysomethingsareun-orunder-employed.Buthalfaren'

t,andweaktiesarehowyougetyourselfintothatgroup.Halfofnewjobsareneverposted,soreachingouttoyourneighbor'

sbossishowyougetthatunpostedjob.Ifsnotcheating.It'

sthescienceofhowinformationspreads.

Lastbutnotleast,Emmabelievedthatyoucan'

tpickyourfamily,butyoucanpickyourfriends.Nowthiswastrueforhergrowingup,butasatwentysomething,soonEmmawouldpickherfamilywhenshepartneredwithsomeoneandcreatedafamilyofherown.ItoldEmmathetimetostartpickingyourfamilyisnow.Nowyouma