六人行210The One With the Lesbian Wedding.docx

六人行210The One With the Lesbian Wedding.docx

《六人行210The One With the Lesbian Wedding.docx》由会员分享，可在线阅读，更多相关《六人行210The One With the Lesbian Wedding.docx（13页珍藏版）》请在冰点文库上搜索。

六人行210TheOneWiththeLesbianWedding

六人行2-10TheOneWiththeLesbianWedding

[atRoss's.CarolandSusanarepickingBenup]

ROSS:

Ok.Here'shisdiaperbag,andhisuh,Mr.Winky,anduh...oh,him.Hi!

CAROL:

Sohowdideverythinggo?

ROSS:

Oh,great.Great.Therewasaprojectile,uh,throwingupincident,buthestartedit.

CAROL:

Well,we'vegottago.

ROSS:

Ok.

SUSAN:

[clearsherthroat]

CAROL:

Oh,right.Um,I'vegotsomenews.It'saboutus.

ROSS:

Oh,youandme?

CAROL:

Uh,no,Susanandme.

SUSAN:

Theotherus.

ROSS:

Ok.

CAROL:

We'reuh,we'regettingmarried.

ROSS:

Asin,"Inowpronounceyouwifeandwife"married?

CAROL:

Anyway,we'dlikeyoutocome,butwetotallyunderstandifyoudon'twantto.

ROSS:

Whywouldn'tIwanttocome?

Ihadfunatthefirstwedding.

CAROL:

LookIjustthoughtthat...

ROSS:

Nonono,Imean,hey,whyshouldn'tIbehappyforyou?

WhatwoulditsayaboutmeifIcouldn'trevelinyourjoy?

I'mrevellingbaby,believeme!

SUSAN:

Isyourfingercaughtinthatchair?

ROSS:

Mmmhmmm.

CAROL:

Wantustogo?

ROSS:

Uh-huh.

[atRachelandMonica's]

ROSS:

Thisissocool.You'reactuallygonnabeontelevision.

JOEY:

Itreallyhitmelastnight.I'mgonnabeonDaysofourLives.AndthenIstartedthinkin'aboutallofu,andhowthesearethedaysofourlives..

MONICA:

Yes!

CarolandSusan'scatererhadamountainbikeaccidentthisweekend,andshe'sinafullbodycast.

ROSS,CHANDLER&JOEY:

Yes!

MONICA:

Theywantmetodoit,whichisreallycool,seeingasI'venevercateredbefore,andIreallyneedthemoney,andthisisn'taproblemforyou,isit?

ROSS:

Woulditmatter?

MONICA:

Oh,youaresogreat!

[kisseshim]Thankyou!

JOEY:

Areyoureallynotgoing?

ROSS:

Iamreallynotgoing.Idon'tgetit.Theyalreadylivetogether,whydotheyneedtogetmarried?

MONICA:

Theyloveeachother,andtheywannacelebratethatlovewiththepeoplethatareclosewiththem.

ROSS:

Ifyouwannacallthatareason.

CHANDLER:

[singingtothetuneofMisterRogers'Neighborhood]Who'sthebitterestmaninthelivingroom,thebitterestmaninthelivingroom?

Hi,neighbor.

MONICA:

Ross,Ithoughtyouwereoverthis.

ROSS:

Look,thathasnothingtodowiththis,ok?

She'smyex-wife.Ifsheweremarryingaguy,noneofyou'dexpectmetobethere.

JOEY:

Hey,ifsheweremarryingaguy,she'dbeliketheworstlesbianever.

RACHEL:

[enteringhurriedly]DidImissit?

DidImissit?

JOEY:

No,I'monrightafterthisguyshootshimself.

CHANDLER:

Whoa,she'spretty.

JOEY:

Yeah,andshe'sreallynicetoo.Shetaughtmeallabouthowtoworkthecameras,andsmell-the-fartacting.

RACHEL:

I'msorry,what?

MONICA:

What?

JOEY:

It'slike,yougotsomanylinestolearnsofast,thatsometimesyouneedaminutetorememberyournextone.Sowhileyou'rethinkin'ofit,youtakethisbigpausewhereyoulookallintense,youknow,likethis.

CHANDLER:

Oh,ok.

JOEY:

There'smyscene,there'smyscene.[Joeyontv]"Mrs.Wallace,I'mDr.DrakeRamoray,yoursister'sneurosurgeon.

MRS.WALLACE:

Isshegonnabeallright?

JOEY:

I'mafraidthesituationismuchworsethanweexpected.Yoursisterissufferingfroma..subcranialhematoma.Perhapswecandiscussthisovercoffee.

CHANDLER:

Nice!

RACHEL:

That'sgreat!

ROSS:

Excellent!

CHANDLER:

ForaminutethereIthoughtyouwereactuallytryin'tosmellsomething.

[MonicaandRachel's]

ROSS:

Thatissogood!

Doitagain!

JOEY:

Allright,allright."DamnitBraverman,it'srightthereonthechart!

"

CHANDLER:

That'sgreat.Allright,Igottagettowork,Igotabigdinosaurbonetoinspect.

ROSS:

Nono,that'sme.

CHANDLER:

Oh,yeah.

ROSS:

Oh,hello.

PHOEBE:

Oh,thanks.Icouldn'tuh...

ROSS:

Iseverythingok?

PHOEBE:

Um,no,huh-uh.Oneofmyclientsdiedonthemassagetabletoday.

ROSS:

Ohmygod.

CHANDLER:

That'salittlemorerelaxedthanyouwantthemtoget.

PHOEBE:

Yeah,um,shewas82yearsold.Hernamewasum,Mrs.Adelman.

MONICA:

Oh,honey.

PHOEBE:

Yeah,it'sjustsostrange.Imean,sheprobablywokeuptodayandthought,"ok,I'llhavesomebreakfast,andthenI'lltakealittlewalk,andthenI'llhavemymassage."LittledidsheknowGodwasthinking,"Ok,butthat'sit."Oh,buttheweirdestthingwas,ok,Iwascleansingheraurawhenshedied,andwhenthespiritleftherbody,Idon'tthinkitwentveryfar.

RACHEL:

Whatdoyoumean?

PHOEBE:

Ithinkitwentintome.

[EveryonetakesastepbackfromPhoebe]

[CentralPerk]

MONICA:

God,thisissohard.Ican'tdecidebetweenlamborduck.

CHANDLER:

Well,ofcourse,lambsarescarier.Otherwisethemoviewould'vebeencalledSilenceoftheDucks.

RACHEL:

Ok,whoorderedwhat?

ROSS:

Oh,IbelieveIhadthehalf-drunkcappuccinowiththelipstickontherim.

CHANDLER:

Yes,andthiswiththecigarettebuttinit,isthatdecaf?

RACHEL:

Ohgod.

JOEY:

Ican'tbelieveyou'resouptightaboutyourmomcomin'.

RACHEL:

Iknow,butit'sjustit'sthefirsttime,andIjustdon'twanthertothinkthatbecauseIdidn'tmarryBarry,thatmylifeistotalcrap,youknow?

PHOEBE:

[Mrs.Adelman'svoice]Talkaboutcrap.TrylisteningtoStellaNiedmantellthestoryofherandRodSteigerforthehundredthtime.

JOEY:

Uh,Pheebs,howlongdoyouthinkthislady'llbewithus?

PHOEBE:

Idon'tknow.Imean,sheobviouslyhassomekindofunfinishedbusiness.[Mrs.Adelman'svoice]Situp!

MRS.GREEN:

[entering]Theresheis.

RACHEL:

Mom!

MRSGREEN:

Sweetie!

Sothisiswhereyouwork?

Oh,it'swonderful!

Isitalivingroom?

Isitarestaurant?

Whocantell?

ButIguessthat'sthefun.

RACHEL:

Prettymuch.

MRSGREEN:

Monica!

Youlookgorgeous!

LasttimeIsawyou,itwaseatorbeeaten.

RACHEL:

ThisisJoey,andPhoebe,andthisisChandler,andyourememberRoss.

MRSGREEN:

Ohhello,Ross.

ROSS:

Hi,Mrs.Green.[Hegetsuptoshakeherhand,butsheignoreshim.]

MRSGREEN:

So,whatdoyouthinkofmydaughterintheapronwiththebigjob?

RACHEL:

OhMom!

MRSGREEN:

Ifyoudidn'tpourthecoffee,noonewouldhaveanythingtodrink.

CHANDLER:

Believeme,sometimesthathappens.

MRSGREEN:

Thisisjustsoexciting.Youknow,Ineverworked.Iwentstraightfrommyfather'shousetothesororityhousetomyhusband'shouse.Iamjustsoproudofyou.

RACHEL:

Really?

MRSGREEN:

Yes.

PHOEBE:

Iknowwhoitisyouremindmeof.EvelynDermer.'Course,that'sbeforeshegotthelousyfacelift.NowshelookslikeSoupySales.

JOEY:

Pheebs,who'sEvelynDermer?

PHOEBE:

Idon'tknow.Who'sSoupySales?

[atRachelandMonica's

MRSGREEN:

Ohmygod,there'sanunattractivenudemanplayingthecello.

RACHEL:

Yeah,welljustbegladhe'snotplayingasmallerinstrument.

MRSGREEN:

[laughing]Youhavesomelifehere,sweetie.

RACHEL:

Iknow.AndMom,IrealizeyouandDaddywereupsetwhenIdidn'tmarryBarryandgetthebighouseinthesuburbswithallthesecurityandeverything,butthisisjustsomuchbetterforme,youknow?

MRSGREEN:

Ido.Youdidn'tloveBarry.AndI'veneverseenyouthishappy.IlookatyouandIthink,oh,thisiswhatIwant.

RACHEL:

For...me.

MRSGREEN:

Well,notjustforyou.

RACHEL:

Well,whatdoyoumean?

MRSGREEN:

I'muh,consideringleavingyourfather.

MONICA:

[entering]Allright.Tellmeifthisistoocute.Lesbianwedding,chickenbreasts.

RACHEL:

Ohgod.IthinkI'mgonnabesick.

MONICA:

Why?

It'snotlikeI'mputtinglittlenipplesonthem.

ROSS:

Andyouhadnoideatheyweren'tgettingalong?

RACHEL:

None.

JOEY:

Theydidn'tfightalot?

RACHEL:

No!

Theydidn'teventalktoeachother.God,howwasIsupposedtoknowtheywerehavingproblems?

PHOEBE:

[Mrs.Adelman'svoice]Inmyday,divorcewasnotanoption.

JOEY:

Hey,lookwho'sup.

RACHEL:

Ijustcan'tbelievethisishappening.Imean,whenIwaslittle,everybody'sparentsweregettingdivorced.IjustfiguredasagrownupIwouldn'thavetoworryaboutthis.

MONICA:

Isthereanychancethatyoucanlookatthisasflattering?

Imean,she'sdoingitbecauseshewantstobemorelikeyou.

RACHEL:

Well,then,youknow,couldn'tshehavejustcopiedmyhaircut?

CHANDLER:

Youknow,it'sfunnywhenmyparentsgotdivorced,theysentmetothisshrink,andshetoldmethatallkidshaveatendencytoblamethemselves.Butinyourcaseit'sactuallykindatrue.

PHOEBE:

That'shim.

CHANDLER:

Damn.Mymailordergrandfatherhasn'tcomeyet.

MRA:

Phoebe?

PHOEBE:

Yes,hi,Mr.Adelman.Thanksformeetingme.

MRA:

Oh,that'sallright,althoughyoudidcutintomybusydayofsitting.

PHOEBE:

Um,doyouwannasit?

MRA:

Oh,no,please,Ispentmostofmid-morningtryingtostandup.Nowuh,whatcanIdoforyou,mydear?

PHOEBE:

Idon'tknowhowtosaythis,butIthinkwhenyourwife'sspiritleftherbody,itum,kindofstuckaroundinme.

MRA:

You'resaying,mywifeisinyou?

PHOEBE:

Yeah.Ok,youdon'thavetobelievemebutum,canyouthinkofanyunfinishedbusinessshemighthavehad,likeanyreasonshe'dbehangingaround?

MRA:

Well,Idon'tknowwhattotellyoudear.TheonlythingIcanthinkofisthatshealwaysusedtosaythatbeforeshedied,shewantedtoseeeverything.

PHOEBE:

Everything?

MRA:

Everything.

PHOEBE:

Whoa,that'salotofstuff.

MRA:

Oh,wait,Iremember,shealsosaidshewantedtosleepwithmeonelasttime.

PHOEBE:

I'msorry,there'slaughinginmyhead.

MRA:

[toJoey]Worthashot,huh?

[Joeynodsandshrugs.]

MRSGREEN:

Lookatthis.

RACHEL:

ThesearefromHalloweenthreeyearsago.

MRSGREEN:

Oh,look,here'sBarry.Didhehavetocomestraightfromtheoffice?

RACHEL:

No,thatwashiscostume.See,he'sactuallyanorthodontist,buthecameasaregulardentist.

MONICA:

Um,youguys,youknowwhenIsaidbefore,"thankyou,butIdon'treallyneedyourhelp"?

RACHEL:

Actually,whatIthinkyousaidwas,"don'ttou