way to happiness.docx

way to happiness.docx

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waytohappiness

Way to Happiness

 （2009-04-0415:

34:

22）

AWonderDrug

InataxicabonarainydayinNewYorkCity,GretchenRubin,41,suddenlyaskedherselfwhatshewantedmostinlife."IrealizedIwantedtobehappy,"sherecalls."Itwasalightning-boltmomentbecauseI'dnevereventhoughtaboutitbefore."

Acoupleofyearsago,thiswife,motherandformerlawyerforJusticeSandraDayO'Connorlaunchedafull-timehappinessprojecttotest-drivetraditionalandnewlymintedapproachestowardherlifegoal.Shekeptadailygratitudejournal,readapoemeverydayandhadregulardatenightswithherhusband,amongotherstrategies.Nowsheswearsshe'scheerier.

Comeon,gethappy!

Everyoneseemstobejumpingontheget-happierbandwagon.Happinessismakingheadlines,sellingbooks,inspiringscientificstudiesandspawninglaughterclubsandjoyologyworkshops.Thereason?

Astheburgeoningfieldofpositivepsychologyhasshown,happypeoplethrive.They'remorecreativeandproductive,earnmoremoney,attractmorefriends,enjoybettermarriages,stayhealthierandevenoutlivetheirgrumpierpeers.

"Imagineadrugthatcausesyoutoliveeightornineyearslonger,make$15,000moreayear,belesslikelytogetdivorced,"saysMartinSeligman,PhD,whostartedthepositivepsychologymovementalmostadecadeago."Happinessseemstobethatdrug."

Butotherswonder,Isthisjustonemorethingwefeelpressuredtoachieveinouroverscheduled,overmeasuredlives?

Howcouldtherebeonepathtohappinessforallpeople?

Andifwearen'tfeelingblissful,arewefailuresathappiness?

Someskepticsdismiss"happichondria"asthelatestfeel-goodfad."Thenotionthatbehaviormodificationcanbringabouttruehappinessisasbogusascanbe,"sayspsychiatristCharlesGoodstein,MD,ofNewYorkUniversity.

Buthappinessresearchers,backedbythousandsofstudies,sayhappinessismeasurableandbuildable.Ifyou'rewillingtotakeachanceontheupsideoflifeandshootforyourbliss,inspiteofthenaysayers,here'shelplayingthegroundwork.

Genetics,asresearchon4,000setsoftwinshasdemonstrated,accountsforabout50percentofyourhappinessquotient.Butevenifyouinheritedthefamilyfrowninsteadofjoygenes,you'renotfatedtoalifeofgloom.Justdon'tpinyourhopesonadvantageslikehealth,wealth,educationandgoodlooks--thosebringonlysomewhatgreaterhappinessthanwhatthosewhoarelessblessedfeel.Unlessyou'reextremelypoororgravelyill,lifecircumstancesaccountforonlyabout10percentofhappiness.Theother40percentdependsonwhatyoudotomakeyourselfhappy.

That'sthetrickypart.Mostofusassumethatexternalthings--abiggerhouse,abetterjob,awinninglotteryticket--willbrightenourlives.Whiletheydobringtemporarydelight,thethrillinvariablyfades."After18yearsofstudyinghappiness,Ifellintothesametrapaseveryoneelse,"sayspsychologistSonjaLyubomirsky,PhD,authorofTheHowofHappiness:

AScientificApproachtoGettingtheLifeYouWant."Iwassoexcitedtogetanewcar,ahybridI'dwantedforalongtime,butwithintwomonths,drivingitbecameroutine.Happinessislikeweightloss.Weallknowhowtotakeoffafewpounds;thetrickismaintainingit."

Intheirresearch,Lyubomirskyandhercolleaguesfoundthatthekeytoenduringjoyistolookbeyondfleetingpleasures,totheotherpillarsofwhatSeligmancallsauthentichappiness:

engagementwithfamily,workorapassionatepursuit,andfindingmeaningfromsomehigherpurpose."Differentmethodsareabetterfitfordifferentpeople,"Lyubomirskyexplains."Keepingadailygratitudejournalseemshokeytosomepeople,butwritingaletterofgratitudemaybeverymeaningful."Timingand"doses"alsomatter.Performingfiveactsofkindnessononeday,shefound,yieldedasignificantincreaseinwell-being,whileactsofkindnessondifferentdaysdidn't."Tosustainhappiness,"sheemphasizes,"youhavetomaketheeffortandcommitmenteverydayfortherestofyourlife.

Thelongrungenerallybringsgreatercontentment,accordingtostudiesthatchartthetrajectoryofhappinessoveralifespan.Aftereventhemostjoyouschildhood,happinesstypicallydeclinesintheteensthroughtheearly20s,but,believeitornot,increasesasweage."Youngpeopletendtopaymoreattentiontothebad,"explainsneuropsychologistStaceyWood,PhD,ofScrippsCollege."Aswegetolder,welearntoregulateandovercomethisreaction."

Infact,someexpertssay,happinessseemstoriseevenintooldage."Olderadultsdon'treactasintenselytolifeevents,andtheyreportfewernegativeemotionsandmorepositiveones,"saysWood.

Noteveryoneagrees.NoraEphron,authorofIFeelBad

AboutMyNeck,saysthat,yes,afteracertainageyoutendtofactortherealizationthatlifeisshortintoyourdecisions."Andyoutrytoeliminatepeopleandthings（likebadmeals）thatdon'tmakeyouhappy,"shesays."Butofcourse,allthisisoverlaidbyacertainsadnessbecausethisisthetimewhenpeoplestarttogetsick,andthatabsolutelycutsintothehappinessquotient."

DaretoLaughOutLoud

Regardlessofyourageortemperament,youcanfeelhappierrightthisminute,claimspsychologistWillFleeson,PhD,ofWakeForestUniversity,whosayshehasfoundasurefirestrategytoboostthespirit:

Dosomething,howeversmall,thatisenergetic,adventurous,assertiveorbold.Whenvolunteersrecordedtheirfeelingsthroughouttheday,allfelthappierwhenactiveandengaged,regardlessofwhethertheywerenaturallyintrovertedorextroverted.

"Thebiggestsurpriseinthisresearchwasthatyoucanchangeyourbehaviorandmakeyourselffeelhappierreadilyandeasily,"saysFleeson,whofoundthatalmostanyactivebehavior--evensingingordancingtotheradio--hasapositiveeffectonmood."Laughingoutloudisexactlythekindofadventurous,boldactionthatmakesyoufeelhappier."

Simplyputtingonahappyface,astheclassicsonglyricadvises,canmakeadifference.InexperimentsatClarkUniversity,psychologistJamesLaird,PhD,hookedvolunteersuptoshamelectrodesandinstructedthemtocontractandrelaxspecificfacialmuscles,sotheywere,ineffect,smilingfornoreasonatall.Withthecornersoftheirmouthspulledup,mostofthevolunteersratedcartoonsfunnierthandidthoseinstructedtopulltheireyebrowstogetherasiffrowning.

Inotherstudies,smilingindividualsrecalledhappiermemoriesthanthosewithfurledbrowsorneutralexpressions.Wheneverwesmile,nervesandmusclesmaytransmitmessagesthatturnonhappinesscentersinthebrain,Lairdspeculates."Thebottomlineisthatasmiledoesn'tcostanythingandmaydoyougood."Sowhynotgrin?

Still,noteveryoneissoldonthepowerofpositivethinking.AccordingtoBowdoinCollegepsychologistBarbaraHeld,PhD,forthosewithaglass-half-emptyviewoftheworld,allthishappytalkcanbedownrightdepressing.InherbookStopSmiling,StartKvetching,Heldwageswaragainstthe"tyrannyofthepositiveattitude,"theput-on-a-happy-facemind-set,whichshebelievesholdstoomuchswayinAmericanculture.Noteveryonecanstrikeaposeofsunnyoptimisminthefaceoflife'smishaps,Heldsays,andnoteveryoneshould."Ifyoutrytoforcepeopletocopeinwaysthatdon'tfittheirnature,itcandoharm."

    Soifyou'regoingthrougharoughpatch,don'tfeelbadaboutfeelingbad."Whensomeone'sinpainoverthelossofajob,theendofarelationshiporthedeathofalovedone,tellingthemtobemoreoptimisticandlookonthebrightsidejustaddsinsulttoinjury,"Heldsays.Thepersonnowfeelsbadfornotcopingmoreeffectively,ontopofeverythingelse.Instead,havingthefreedomtocomplaintoafriend,whatHeldcallscreativekvetching,canbecathartic.Hermessage:

Thepathtocontentmentdependsonfindingthecopingstrategythatsuitsyoubest,evenifthatmeansexpressingangerorsadnessalongtheway.

SmilePower

Whatevertheirdisposition,Americanshaveplentyofreasonstosmile,saysWillWilkinson,apolicyanalystattheCatoInstitute,whorecentlyreviewedsocial,economicandpoliticalperspectivesonournationalhappiness."Wehavemorewealth,healthandcomfortsthan99.9percentofthepeoplewhohaveeverlivedontheplanet,andwefeelasgoodasanyoneeverhas,"hesays.

GretchenRubinsaysherpersonalquestforhappinesshasinfusedherlifewithmeaning:

"Irealizedthatbyworkinghardtokeepalightertone,bytakingtimetobesilly,tolaughmore,tosingeverymorning,Imanagedtobringaboutdeeperchangesinmyself--morelovingandconsideratefeelingsandactions.That'swhyit'sadutytobehappy.WhenIputintheefforttotakethestepsthatwillmakemehappier,I'mfarbetterabletomakeotherpeoplehappiertoo."

10WaystoTurnThatFrownUpsideDown

1.Belessvirtual,more3-D. "Ifthere'sonethingthatseparateshappypeoplefromridiculouslyhappypeople,it'sthequalityoftheirsocialrelationships,"sayspsychologistToddKashdanofGeorgeMasonUniversity.Ifyousitatacomputerallday,getupandindulgeinsomehumancontactinstead.Eventimewithstrangersrampsupyoursenseofwell-being,saysKashdan."Youlaughmuchharderwhenyou'rewithotherpeopleinatheaterthanwhenyouwatchamovieathome."

2.4,6,8…whodoweappreciate?

 Makingalistofthingsyou'regratefulformayseemsilly,butit'sbeenproventowork.Infact,countingyourblessingsmaybethesinglemosthelpfulthingyoucandoforyourhappinessquotient,sayexperts.

3.Rack'emup. Thinkofeverypositiveexperienceduringthedayasabeadonastring,andseehowtheyaddup.Thissimpleexercisemakesyou