HOWIMETYOURMOTHER剧本Word文档格式.docx
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Itwaswaybackin2005.Iwastwenty-sevenjuststartingtomakeitasanarchitectandlivinginNewYorkwithmyfriendMarshall,mybestfriendfromcollege.MylifewasgoodandthenUncleMarshallwentandscrewedthewholethingup.
Marshall:
（Opensring）Willyoumarryme
Ted:
Yes,perfect!
Andthenyou'
reengaged,youpopthechampagne!
Youdrinkatoast!
Youhavesexonthekitchenfloor.Don'
thavesexonourkitchenfloor.
Gotit.Thanksforhelpingmeplanthisout,Ted.
Dude,areyoukiddingIt'
syouandLily!
I'
vebeenthereforallthebigmomentsofyouandLily.Thenightyoumet.Yourfirstdate,otherfirstthings.
（laughs）Yeah,sorry.Wethoughtyouwereasleep.
It'
sphysics,Marshall,ifthebottombunkmoves,thetopbunkmoves,too.Mygod,you'
regettingengagedtonight.
Yeah,whatareyoudoingtonight
（SceneFreezes）
WhatwasIdoingYourUncleMarshallwastakingthebiggeststepofhislife,andmeI'
mcallingyourUncle,Barney.
[CuttoLater:
Barney'
sinthebarbershop,Ted'
stalkingfromhome]
Barney:
（onthephone）Hey,soyouknowhowI'
vealwayshadathingforhalf-AsiangirlsWell,nowI'
vegotanewfavorite:
Lebanesegirls!
Lebanesegirlsarethenewhalf-Asians.
Hey,youwannadosomethingtonight
Okay,meetmeatthebarinfifteenminutes,andSuitup!
SceneTwo
[TheBar]
Hey.
Where'
syoursuit!
JustoncewhenIsaysuitup,Iwishyou'
dputonasuit.
Ididthatonetime.
Itwasablazer!
Youknow,eversincecollegeit'
sbeenMarshallandLilyandme.Nowit'
sgoingtobeMarshallandLily...andme.They'
llgetmarried,startafamily.BeforelongI'
mtheweird,middle-agedbachelortheirkidscallUncleTed.
（BarneyhitsTed）
Iseewhatthisisabout.HaveyouforgottenwhatIsaidtoyouthenightwemet
[CuttoFlashbackthenightBarneyandTedmet]
[StillintheBar]
（Tedistalkingtoanothercouple;
Barneyrandomlyjoinsthemandinterrupts）
Ted,I'
mgoingtoteachyouhowtolive.（Ted'
sshocked）Barney,wemetattheurinal.
Oh,right.Hi.
Lessonone,losethegoatee.Itdoesn'
tlookgoodwithyoursuit.
mnotwearingasuit.
Lessontwo,getasuit.Suitsarecool.（Pointstoselfwithbeerbottleinhand）Exhibit"
A"
.（Flirtstoawomanunseen）Lessonthree,don'
teventhinkaboutgettingmarriedtillyou'
rethirty.
[Flashbackends]
Thirty,right.You'
reright.Iguessit'
sjust,yourbestfriendgetsengaged,youstartthinkingaboutthatstuff.
IthoughtIwasyourbestfriend.Ted,sayI'
myourbestfriend.
You'
remybestfriend,Barney.
Good!
Andasyourbestfriend,Isuggestweplayalittlegamecalled"
HaveyoumetTed"
Wait.No,no,no.We'
renotplaying"
HaveYouMetTed"
.
（TapsawomannamesYasmine）Hi,haveyoumetTed（Leavesandwatchesfromadistance）.
（ToYasmine）Hi,I'
mTed.
Yasmine:
Yasmine.
saveryprettyname.
Thanks,It'
sLebanese.
SceneThree
[TheApartment]
Hey!
Lily:
Urgh.I'
mexhausted.Itwasfingerpaintingdayatschool,andafive-year-oldboy（takescoatoffrevealingapurplehandprintonherrightbreast）gottosecondbasewithme.Wow,you'
recooking
Yes,Iam.
Aww...（Theykiss）Areyousurethat'
sagoodideaafterlasttimeYoulookedreallycreepywithouteyebrows.
Icanhandlethis;
mfullofsurprisestonight.
Sothere'
smoresurprisesLikewhat
Marshallwasinhissecondyearoflawschool,sohewasprettygoodatthinkingonhisfeet.
BOOGIDYBOO!
Andthat'
sallofthem!
mgoannago...cook.（Leaves）
[Cuttothebar,TedischattingwithYasmine]
msohappyforMarshall,Ireallyam.Ijustcouldn'
timaginesettlingdownrightnow.
Sodoyouthinkyou'
llevergetmarried
Well,maybeeventually.Somefallday.PossiblyinCentralPark.Simpleceremony,we'
llwriteourownvows.But--eh--noDJ,peoplewilldance.I'
mnotgoingtoworryaboutit!
Damnit,whydidMarshallhavetogetengaged（Yasminelaughs）Yeah,nothinghotterthanaguyplanningouthisownimaginarywedding,huh
Actually,Ithinkit'
scute.
Well,you'
reclearlydrunk（pullsherwineglassaway.Holdupglasstobartender）ONEMOREFORTHELADY!
[CuttoKitchenwithMarshallandLily.Lilyhasapanoutsauting,Marshalljumpsoffacountertop]
Okay,lookwhatIgot.（runstothefridge.Takesoutwinebottle）
Aw,honey.Champagne!
（handsittoMarshall）
（aftershortsilence）Yeah.（handsitback）
（realizing）No,youaretoooldtobescaredtoopenabottleofchampagne!
mnotscared.
Thenopenit!
Fine.（takesbottle.Looksatitforacoupleofseconds）Pleaseopenit（handsittoLily）
Youareunbelievable,Marshall.
（ScenesplitsinhalfandshowsbothLilyandMarshallontoparguingandTedandYasmineonthebottommingling）
Therearetwobigquestionsamanhastoaskinlife.Oneyouplanoutformonths,theotherjustslipsoutwhenyou'
rehalfdrunkatsomebar.
（ToLily）Willyoumarryme
（ToYasmine）Youwannagooutsometime
（Scenesplitends,andreturnstoLilyandMarshall'
sscene）
Ofcourse,youidiot!
（hugshimandtheyfallback）
[CuttoScenewithTedandYasmineatbar]
msorry;
Carl'
smyboyfriend.（pointstobartender）
Sup,Carl
[CuttoSceneinKitchen,MarshallandLilylayupwhileontheground,aftersex]
IpromisedTedwewouldn'
tdothat.
Didyouknowthere'
sapoptartunderyourfridge
No,butdibs.Where'
sthatchampagneIwannadrinkatoastwithmyfiancee.
Aww.（claps.Theykiss）
Idon'
tknowwhyIwassoscaredofthis.Prettyeasy,right（Popscork,hit'
sLily'
seye）
（YELLS）
（coversmouth）OH!
[CuttoScenewithTedandBarney]
WhyamIfreakingoutallofasuddenThisiscrazy!
mnotreadytosettledown.
（ignoring）HowdoesCarllandaLebanesegirl
Theplanhasalwaysbeen"
don'
teventhinkaboutittillyou'
rethirty"
Exactly.Theguydoesn'
tevenownasuit!
Plus,Marshall'
sfoundtheloveofhislife.EvenifIwasready,whichI'
mnot,butifIwasit'
slike,"
Okay,I'
mready!
Whereisshe"
（SpotsRobin）
Andthereshewas.
[Fadeout]
SceneFour
（TheBar,focusingonTedandRobin）
Itwaslikesomethingfromanoldmovie.Wherethesailorseesthegirlacrossthecrowdeddancefloor,turnstohisbuddyandsays,"
SeethatgirlI'
mgoingtomarryhersomeday."
Hey,Barney,seethatgirl
Oh,yeah.Youjustknowshelikesitdirty.Gosayhi.
Ican'
tjustgosayhi.Ineedaplan.I'
mgonnawaituntilshegoestothebathroom,thenI'
llstrategicallyplacemyselfbythejukebox...
（toRobin）Hey,haveyoumetTed
Hi.
Robin:
Letmeguess,（points）Ted.
（TedNods）
SceneFive
（Taxionthewaytohospital）
msorry,Lily.I'
msosorry.Takeustothehospital.
Cabdriver:
Whoa,whoa,whoa.Didyouhither
（Laughter）
HitmePlease,thisguycouldbarelyevenspankmeinbedforfun.He'
salllike,（hitsiceinbagusingtocovereye）"
Oh,didthathurt"
andI'
mlike,"
Comeon,letmehaveit,youpansy!
"
（realizes）Wow,completestranger.
No,no,no,no.It'
sokay,goon.（Turnsmeteron.）So,these,uh,spankin'
youinpajamasoraunaturel
[CuttobarwithRobin]
So,whatdoyoudo
mareporterforMetroNews1.
（nods）Oh.
Well,kindofareporter.Idothosedumblittlefluffpiecesattheendofthenews,youknow.Like,um...monkeythatcanplaytheukulele.I'
mhopingtogetsomebiggerstoriessoon.
Biggerlike,uh,gorillawithanup-rightbassSorry,you'
rereallypretty.（Robinlaughsandwavestoherfriends）Oh,yourfriendsdon'
tseemtoohappy.
Yeah,see,theoneinthemiddlejustgotdumpedbyherboyfriend.
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