布鲁斯法伊勒ruceFeiler将敏捷开发方法引入家庭.docx

布鲁斯法伊勒ruceFeiler将敏捷开发方法引入家庭.docx

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布鲁斯法伊勒ruceFeiler将敏捷开发方法引入家庭

布鲁斯法伊勒（BruceFeiler）将敏捷开发方法引入家庭

Sohere'sthegoodnewsaboutfamilies.Thelast50yearshaveseenarevolutioninwhatitmeanstobeafamily.Wehaveblendedfamilies,adoptedfamilies,wehavenuclearfamilieslivinginseparatehousesanddivorcedfamilieslivinginthesamehouse.Butthroughitall,thefamilyhasgrownstronger.Eightin10saythefamilytheyhavetodayisasstrongorstrongerthanthefamilytheygrewupin.

Now,here'sthebadnews.Nearlyeveryoneiscompletelyoverwhelmedbythechaosoffamilylife.EveryparentIknow,myselfincluded,feelslikewe'reconstantlyplayingdefense.Justwhenourkidsstopteething,theystarthavingtantrums.Justwhentheystopneedingourhelptakingabath,theyneedourhelpdealingwithcyberstalkingorbullying.

Andhere'stheworstnewsofall.Ourchildrensensewe'reoutofcontrol.EllenGalinskyoftheFamiliesandWorkInstituteasked1,000children,"Ifyouweregrantedonewishaboutyourparents,whatwoulditbe?

"Theparentspredictedthekidswouldsay,spendingmoretimewiththem.Theywerewrong.Thekids'numberonewish?

Thattheirparentsbelesstiredandlessstressed.

Sohowcanwechangethisdynamic?

Arethereconcretethingswecandotoreducestress,drawourfamilycloser,andgenerallyprepareourchildrentoentertheworld?

Ispentthelastfewyearstryingtoanswerthatquestion,travelingaround,meetingfamilies,talkingtoscholars,expertsrangingfromelitepeacenegotiatorstoWarrenBuffett'sbankerstotheGreenBerets.Iwastryingtofigureout,whatdohappyfamiliesdorightandwhatcanIlearnfromthemtomakemyfamilyhappier?

IwanttotellyouaboutonefamilythatImet,andwhyIthinktheyofferclues.At7p.m.onaSundayinHiddenSprings,Idaho,wherethesixmembersoftheStarrfamilyaresittingdowntothehighlightoftheirweek:

thefamilymeeting.TheStarrsarearegularAmericanfamilywiththeirshareofregularAmericanfamilyproblems.Davidisasoftwareengineer.Eleanortakescareoftheirfourchildren,ages10to15.Oneofthosekidstutorsmathonthefarsideoftown.Onehaslacrosseonthenearsideoftown.OnehasAspergersyndrome.OnehasADHD.

"Wewerelivingincompletechaos,"Eleanorsaid.

WhattheStarrsdidnext,though,wassurprising.Insteadofturningtofriendsorrelatives,theylookedtoDavid'sworkplace.Theyturnedtoacutting-edgeprogramcalledagiledevelopmentthatwasjustspreadingfrommanufacturersinJapantostartupsinSiliconValley.Inagile,workersareorganizedintosmallgroupsanddothingsinveryshortspansoftime.Soinsteadofhavingexecutivesissuegrandproclamations,theteamineffectmanagesitself.Youhaveconstantfeedback.Youhavedailyupdatesessions.Youhaveweeklyreviews.You'reconstantlychanging.Davidsaidwhentheybroughtthissystemintotheirhome,thefamilymeetingsinparticularincreasedcommunication,decreasedstress,andmadeeverybodyhappiertobepartofthefamilyteam.WhenmywifeandIadoptedthesefamilymeetingsandothertechniquesintothelivesofourthen-five-year-oldtwindaughters,itwasthebiggestsinglechangewemadesinceourdaughterswereborn.Andthesemeetingshadthiseffectwhiletakingunder20minutes.

SowhatisAgile,andwhycanithelpwithsomethingthatseemssodifferent,likefamilies?

In1983,JeffSutherlandwasatechnologistatafinancialfirminNewEngland.Hewasveryfrustratedwithhowsoftwaregotdesigned.Companiesfollowedthewaterfallmethod,right,inwhichexecutivesissuedordersthatslowlytrickleddowntoprogrammersbelow,andnoonehadeverconsultedtheprogrammers.Eighty-threepercentofprojectsfailed.Theyweretoobloatedortoooutofdatebythetimetheyweredone.Sutherlandwantedtocreateasystemwhereideasdidn'tjustpercolatedownbutcouldpercolateupfromthebottomandbeadjustedinrealtime.Heread30yearsofHarvardBusinessReviewbeforestumblinguponanarticlein1986called"TheNewNewProductDevelopmentGame."Itsaidthatthepaceofbusinesswasquickening--andbytheway,thiswasin1986--andthemostsuccessfulcompanieswereflexible.IthighlightedToyotaandCanonandlikenedtheiradaptable,tight-knitteamstorugbyscrums.AsSutherlandtoldme,wegottothatarticle,andsaid,"That'sit."InSutherland'ssystem,companiesdon'tuselarge,massiveprojectsthattaketwoyears.Theydothingsinsmallchunks.Nothingtakeslongerthantwoweeks.Soinsteadofsaying,"Youguysgooffintothatbunkerandcomebackwithacellphoneorasocialnetwork,"yousay,"Yougooffandcomeupwithoneelement,thenbringitback.Let'stalkaboutit.Let'sadapt."Yousucceedorfailquickly.Today,agileisusedinahundredcountries,andit'ssweepingintomanagementsuites.Inevitably,peoplebegantakingsomeofthesetechniquesandapplyingittotheirfamilies.Youhadblogspopup,andsomemanualswerewritten.EventheSutherlandstoldmethattheyhadanAgileThanksgiving,whereyouhadonegroupofpeopleworkingonthefood,onesettingthetable,andonegreetingvisitorsatthedoor.SutherlandsaiditwasthebestThanksgivingever.

Solet'stakeoneproblemthatfamiliesface,crazymornings,andtalkabouthowagilecanhelp.Akeyplankisaccountability,soteamsuseinformationradiators,theselargeboardsinwhicheverybodyisaccountable.SotheStarrs,inadaptingthistotheirhome,createdamorningchecklistinwhicheachchildisexpectedtotickoffchores.SoonthemorningIvisited,Eleanorcamedownstairs,pouredherselfacupofcoffee,satinarecliningchair,andshesatthere,kindofamiablytalkingtoeachofherchildrenasoneaftertheothertheycamedownstairs,checkedthelist,madethemselvesbreakfast,checkedthelistagain,putthedishesinthedishwasher,recheckedthelist,fedthepetsorwhateverchorestheyhad,checkedthelistoncemore,gatheredtheirbelongings,andmadetheirwaytothebus.ItwasoneofthemostastonishingfamilydynamicsIhaveeverseen.

AndwhenIstrenuouslyobjectedthiswouldneverworkinourhouse,

ourkidsneededwaytoomuchmonitoring,

Eleanorlookedatme.

"That'swhatIthought,"shesaid."ItoldDavid,'keepyourworkoutofmykitchen.'ButIwaswrong."

SoIturnedtoDavid:

"Sowhydoesitwork?

"

Hesaid,"Youcan'tunderestimatethepowerofdoingthis."Andhemadeacheckmark.Hesaid,"Intheworkplace,adultsloveit.Withkids,it'sheaven."

Theweekweintroducedamorningchecklistintoourhouse,itcutparentalscreaminginhalf.（Laughter）Buttherealchangedidn'tcomeuntilwehadthesefamilymeetings.Sofollowingtheagilemodel,weaskthreequestions:

Whatworkedwellinourfamilythisweek,whatdidn'tworkwell,andwhatwillweagreetoworkonintheweekahead?

Everyonethrowsoutsuggestionsandthenwepicktwotofocuson.Andsuddenlythemostamazingthingsstartedcomingoutofourdaughters'mouths.Whatworkedwellthisweek?

Gettingoverourfearofridingbikes.Makingourbeds.Whatdidn'tworkwell?

Ourmathsheets,orgreetingvisitorsatthedoor.Likealotofparents,ourkidsaresomethinglikeBermudaTriangles.Like,thoughtsandideasgoin,butnoneevercomesout,Imeanatleastnotthatarerevealing.Thisgaveusaccesssuddenlytotheirinnermostthoughts.Butthemostsurprisingpartwaswhenweturnedto,whatarewegoingtoworkonintheweekahead?

Youknow,thekeyideaofagileisthatteamsessentiallymanagethemselves,anditworksinsoftwareanditturnsoutthatitworkswithkids.Ourkidslovethisprocess.Sotheywouldcomeupwithalltheseideas.Youknow,greetfivevisitorsatthedoorthisweek,getanextra10minutesofreadingbeforebed.Kicksomeone,losedessertsforamonth.Itturnsout,bytheway,ourgirlsarelittleStalins.Weconstantlyhavetokindofdialthemback.Nowlook,naturallythere'sagapbetweentheirkindofconductinthesemeetingsandtheirbehaviortherestoftheweek,butthetruthisitdidn'treallybotherus.Itfeltlikewewerekindoflayingtheseundergroundcablesthatwouldn'tlightuptheirworldformanyyearstocome.

Threeyearslater--ourgirlsarealmosteightnow--We'restillholdingthesemeetings.Mywifecountsthemamonghermosttreasuredmomentsasamom.

Sowhatdidwelearn?

Theword"agile"enteredthelexiconin2001whenJeffSutherlandandagroupofdesignersmetinUtahandwrotea12-pointAgileManifesto.IthinkthetimeisrightforanAgileFamilyManifesto.I'vetakensomeideasfromtheStarrsandfrommanyotherfamiliesImet.I'mproposingthreeplanks.

Planknumberone:

Adaptallthetime.

WhenIbecameaparent,Ifigured,youknowwhat?

We'llsetafewrulesandwe'llsticktothem.Thatassumes,asparents,wecananticipateeveryproblemthat'sgoingtoarise.Wecan't.What'sgreatabouttheagilesystemisyoubuildinasystemofchangesothatyoucanreacttowhat'shappeningtoyouinrealtime.It'sliketheysayintheInternetworld:

ifyou'redoingthesamethingtodayyouweredoingsixmonthsago,you'redoingthewrongthing.Parentscanlearnalotfromthat.Buttome,"adaptallthetime"meanssomethingdeeper,too.Wehavetobreakparentsoutofthisstraitjacketthattheonlyideaswecantryathomeareonesthatcomefromshrinksorself-helpgurusorotherfamilyexperts.Thetruthis,theirideasarestale,whereasinalltheseotherworldstherearethesenewideastomakegroupsandteamsworkeffectively.

Let'sjusttakeafewexamples.Let'stakethebiggestissueofall:

familydinner.Everybodyknowsthathavingfamilydinnerwithyourchildrenisgoodforthekids.Butforsomanyofus,itdoesn'tworkinourlives.Imetacelebritychefi