好汉两个半第三季第四季中英对照剧本.docx

好汉两个半第三季第四季中英对照剧本.docx

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第一集

我相信她是个美丽的女孩妈I'msureshe'salovelygirl,Mom.

但对于相亲我有我的原则butIhaveastrictpolicyagainstblinddates.

是我知道对女人来说我不是上帝的恩赐Yes,IknowI'mnotGod'sgifttowomen,

不过还是算了...but,nevertheless...

拜托你怎么知道她能用软胶水管吸出什么东西来?

Oh,comeon.Howdoyouknowwhat

shecansuckthroughagardenhose?

那不重要我坚持我的原则Doesn'tmatter.Thepolicystands.

好拜Okay,bye.

你知道吗在我为你的坚持喝采的同时Youknow,whileIapplaudyourblinddatepolicy,

我也会鼓励你别考虑"软胶水管"那招Iwouldencourageyoutoconsideragardenhose

exemption.

抱歉但你应该还记得上次妈帮我安排的那位I'msorry,butyourememberthelasttimeI

letMomfixmeup.

哦没错那个灌肠爱好者Oh,yeah.Theenemafreak.

她是大肠水疗的医师Shewasacolonicirrigationtherapist.

还不是一样...Tomato,tomahto...

你还在对屁股被灌进五加仑咖啡那件事感到很受伤?

Youstillwoundupwithfivegallonsof

coffeeupyourkeister.

不是什么愉快的回忆Notapleasantmemory.

我每次一想到就想偷笑Ican'trememberitwithoutchuckling.

难怪最近到处都有星巴克...Thesedays,they'llopenaStarbucksanywhere.

你说够了没?

Areyoudone?

还没等一下还有一个No,wait.Onemore.

你点了特大杯零脂肪的"屎布奇诺"Youhadtheventinonfat"crappuccino"...

上面还有额外的泡沫...withextrafoam.

好了我说完了Okay,I'mdone.

电视怎么了?

Sowhat'swrongwiththeTV?

我不知道Idon'tknow.

应该是昨晚的暴风雨把天线吹歪了Ithinkthatstormlastnightmessedupthesatellitedish.

我星期一再打电话找人来修理I'llcalltheguyonMonday.

这就是你处理每件事的态度That'syouranswerforeverything.

"打电话找人"?

"Calltheguy."

也不是每件事Notforeverything.

通常我打电话都是找女孩来OftenI,callthegirl.

当然有一次我找来的女孩衣服一脱才发现是男的Ofcourse,therewastheonetimethat

thegirlturnedouttobetheguy.

不用说他们赔了我很多钱Needlesstosay,Igotafullcashrefund.

这次你不需要打电话Well,youdon'thavetocalltheguythistime.

你只要调整一下天线让讯号清析就好了Youjusthavetoadjustthedishtillthesignalclears

up.

而这就是那个人星期一会做的事WhichiswhattheguywilldoonMonday.

但杰克今晚会来ButJakeiscomingtonight.

你想听他整个周末抱怨电视坏掉吗?

Doyoureallywanttolistentohimcomplainaboutthe

TVallweekend?

杰克还很好应付IcandealwithJake.

但听你抱怨会让我想上吊自杀It'syourwhiningthatmakesmewanttohangmyself.

来吧帮我拿梯子Comeon.Helpmegettheladder.

我要到屋顶去然后分钟内搞定I'llgoupontheroof,andwe'llfixitinfiveminutes.

我有梯子?

Ihavealadder?

我怎么会有梯子?

HowdidIgetaladder?

我怎么想也不记得我有买过梯子Forthelifeofme,Ican'trememberbuyingaladder.

很明显的你有买Well,apparently,youdid.

但是为什么?

我又是怎么把它搬进来的?

Butwhy?

AndhowdidIgetithome?

我真的不知道Ireallycouldn'ttellyou.

我租了台卡车吗?

DidIrentatruck?

天晓得Whoknows?

我得告诉你我们家发生了神秘事件I'mtellingyou,wegotarealmysteryonourhands.

是啊还真是个谜Yeah.It'sapuzzler.

我上去调整天线I'mgoingtogoupandadjustthedish,

你去看电视andyougolookattheTV

然后画面有改善就告诉我andtellmewhenthepictureimproves.

好的Allright.

我还是觉得我们应该打电话找人来Istillthinkweshouldcalltheguy.

别再提那个人Forgettheguy!

我就是那个人I'mtheguy!

查理Charlie!

干嘛?

Yeah?

!

屋顶上有男女内裤各一件There'sapairofpantiesuphere.

对喔所以有梯子...Ofcourse.Theladder.

艾伦谜题解开了Alan,mysterysolved!

什么?

What?

没什么专心做你的事Nevermind.Focusonthejobathand.

你在看电视吗?

AreyouwatchingtheTV?

是的Yes.

现在如何?

How'sitlooknow?

有一点改善It'salittlebetter.

那现在呢?

Howaboutnow?

变更差了No.That'sworse.

换个角度看看Moveittheotherway.

什么?

What?

我说换个角度看看Isaid,moveittheotherway!

好了好了好了这样可以There,there,there!

That'sperfect!

什么?

What?

!

我说这样可以了Isaid,that'sperfect!

太好了我要下来了Great!

I'mcomingdown!

你刚有讲什么吗?

Didyousaysomething?

{\fs\c&HEFFF&}后期:

{\fs\c&HFFFFFF&}wqswqswswqs\N{\c&HFFF&}{\c&H&}x-Weekendin

BangkokwithTwoOlympicGymnasts

我就说吧我们应该打电话找人来Itoldyou.Weshouldhavecalledtheguy.

你想对我比中指但那可怜的小家伙举不起来Youwanttoflipmethebird,butthepoor

littlefellacan'tfly.

先让我躺下来Justhelpmeliedown.

其实你也可以往好处想你知道Thereisabrightsidehere,youknow.

喔真的吗?

真的吗?

能有什么好处?

Oh,really?

Really?

Andwhatmightthebrightsidebe?

残障车位?

Handicappedparking?

同情的性爱?

Pitysex?

我能了解你现在不想谈这些Oh,Icanseethere'sgoingtobenotalkingtoyouaboutthis.

帮个忙打电话给茱蒂丝告诉她别带杰克来Domeafavor,andcallJudithandtellhernotto

bringJakeover.

为什么?

Howcome?

看看我查理Lookatme,Charlie.

我有擦伤挫伤脖子严重扭伤Ihaveabrasions,contusions,aseverelysprainedneck,

两根手指骨折而且我吃了止痛药后会兴奋twofracturedfingers,andI'mhoppeduponpain

pills.

你觉得我这样像是"周末陪小孩的爹"吗?

Doesthatspell"WeekendDad"toyou?

呃事实上对我来说比较像是Well,actually,tome,itspells:

"周末与两位奥运体操选手游曼谷""WeekendinBangkokwithtwoOlympicgymnasts."

不过那事另一件事了Butthat'sawholeotherstory.

听我说我这个周末没什么计划我可以照顾杰克Look,Igotnoplansfortheweekend.Icould

takecareofJake.

曼谷?

Bangkok?

年代的事了Itwasthe's.

单纯的时光Asimplertime.

那时美金非常强势Thedollarwasstrong.

我有点想和那个小白痴一起混Iwaskindoflookingforwardtohangingoutwiththelittle

knucklehead.

让他来吧Lethimcomeover.

但我没有办法帮你ButI'mnotgoingtobeabletohelpyou.

你整个周末要干嘛?

Whatareyougoingtodoallweekend?

我不知道有了我可以买个滑坡道Idon'tknow.Hey,maybeI'llgetachute.

然后就可以玩"滑坡与阶梯"Wecouldplaychutesandladders.

看吧这就是为什么杰克要来他比较有幽默感See,that'swhyIwantJakehere.Hehasa

senseofhumor.

好吧如果...如果你认为你能处理Allright.If...ifyouthinkyoucanhandleit.

别担心一切包在我身上Don'tworry.Igoteverythingcovered.

-谢谢-不客气-Thankyou.-You'rewelcome.

现在有什么需要帮忙的吗?

IsthereanythingIcandoforyounow?

呃Well,

我想尿尿Igottopee.

恩然后咧?

Yeah.So?

然后我没办法解开裤子或...SoIcan'tundomypantsor...什么也不能做anything.

你到底想说什么艾伦?

Whereareweheadedwiththis,Alan?

你说你会帮我Yousaidyou'dhelpme.

我的意思是帮你做个三明治什么的IwasthinkingmorelikeIcouldmakeyouasandwich.

查理...Charlie...

我才不要把手伸进你的裤档里Iamnotreachingintoyourpants.

那你要我怎么办?

WhatamIsupposedtodo?

到海浪里面解决Gostandinthesurf.

拜托成熟点Oh,comeon.Growup.

你要去哪?

Whereareyougoing?

去厕所快来帮我解开拉链Tothebathroom.Now,comeonandunzipme.

就这样?

直接上了?

Justlikethat?

Righttoit?

不用烛光晚餐?

不先看场电影?

Nodinner?

Nomovie?

查理Charlie!

等一下Holdon!

来了Coming!

哦天啊HolyGod!

查理?

Charlie?

可以去开门吗?

Canyougetthedoor?

查理?

Charlie?

等一下Hangon!

查理Charlie!

这下可好...Oh,great.

我想我刚才刺穿了一边的肺IthinkIjustpuncturedalung.

别担心艾伦一切包在我身上Don'tworryAlan,I'vegoteverythingcovered.

来了啦I'mcoming!

你这个周末要开始写报告Youneedtostartyourreportthisweekend!

为什么?

下星期三才要交我有的是时间Why?

It'snotduetillnextWednesday!

Ihaveplenty

oftime.

你上次也是这样说That'swhatyousaidlasttime.

-我没有-你有-No,Ididn't.-Yes,youdid.

我想你应该是老年痴呆了Ithinkyou'regettingsenile.

注意你的言辞Watchyourmouth,youngman.

我没办法看因为嘴巴长在鼻子下面Ican'twatchit.It'sundermynose.

哈啰Hello.

你怎么了?

Whathappenedtoyou?

这个嘛最近的话Well,mostrecently,

我被门撞到头Iwashitintheheadbyadoor.

不过在那之前But,beforethat,

我在屋顶修理天线然后...IwasfixingthesatellitedishontheroofandIkindof...

摔下来fell.

你干嘛不干脆打电话找人来修?

Whydidn'tyoujustcalltheguy?

看在老天的份上Well,forGod'ssake,

艾伦你这个周末打算怎么照顾他?

Alan,howdoyouintendtolookafterhimthisweekend?

我现在极度的痛苦Iaminexcruciatingpain,

不过我感谢你的关心butIappreciateyourconcern.

你应该先打个电话让我知道一下Well,youcouldhavepickedupaphoneandgivenmea

heads-up.

打个电话?

Pickupthephone?

茱蒂丝我要用烤肉夹才能尿尿Judith,neededbarbecuetongstotakealeak.

那你到底能不能照顾杰克?

CanyoulookafterJakeornot?

查理说他会照顾Well,Charliesaidhe'dlookafterhim.

最好是他会Oh,likehellhewill.

我绝对不会ThereisnowayI'mgoingto

把我儿子交给你那堕落的哥哥letyourdegeneratebrotherberesponsibleformyson.

喔没错别问我要什么Oh,sure.Don'taskmewhatIwant.

把我当成狗一样使唤来使唤去就对了Justbossmearoundlikeyou'remybossorsomething.

就交给查理吧祝你们周末愉快Charliewillbefine.Haveagoodweekend.

谢谢Thanks.

也祝你愉快You,too.

我们今晚可以去外面吃吗?

Canwegoouttodinnertonight?

你认为我身体这样子能出门吗?

DoIlooklikeI'minanykindofshapetogotodinner?

我不知道我又不是医生Idon'tknow.I'mnotadoctor.

答案是"不行"TheTheanswerisno.

好吧Okay.

那我们可以去影带出租店Thencanwegotothevideostore

租最新的"太空战士"吗?

andrentthenew"FinalFantasy"?

杰克我受伤了痛的不得Jake,Ihurtmyself.I'minalotofpain.

那算什么?

当我被足球打到睪丸时So?

WhenItookasoccerballtothenads,

我都快痛死了教练却说:

"是男人就站起来"Iwasinalotofpainandallmycoachsaidwas,

"Walkitoff."

但我的情况不是说站就能站Well,youcan'tjustwalkthisoff.

你这种态度当然不行Notwiththatattitude.

嘿你来了Hey,thereheis.

怎么了老兄?

How'sitgoing,buddy?

我的人生烂透了Mylifestinks.

看开点你还只是个小孩Cheerup.You'restillakid.

长大后就会更烂了It'sgoingtogetmuchworse.

你去哪了?

Wherehaveyoubeen?

午睡一下Takinganap.

为什么?

Why?

因为我发现这样可以消除疲劳Ifinditrefreshesme.

你说一切都包在你身上Yousaidyouweregoingtotakecareofeverything.

是啊然后咧?

Yeah.So?

然后你在睡觉时我得去应门So,whileyouweresleeping,Ihadtoanswerthedoor.

你知道你这样讲会让人觉得你很小气吗?

Doyourealizehowpettyyousoundrightnow?

放轻松躺下来都包在我身上Relax.Liedown.Igotitcovered.

不并没有No,youdon't.你什么事也没做没有任何事是"包"在你身上的Nothingiscovered.It'sallcoverless.

看吧这里有一个人生烂透的Now,there'salifethatstinks.

那你有什么安排?

你想做什么?

So,what'sontheagenda?

Whatdoyouwanttodo?

我想去外面吃晚餐Iwanttogoouttodinner.

喔?

我要在家看脱口秀Yeah?

Well,Iwantmyowntalkshow.

家里有什么你就吃什么吧You'lleatwhatwe'vegot.

为什么不能去外面吃?

Whycan'twegoout?

艾伦我搞不定你跟他讲吧Alan,Ican'tdealwiththis.Talktoyourson.

什么跟什么?

你...你说一切包在你身上的That'sit?

You...you'redonecovering?

我没想到他会这么难搞Ididn'tknowhewasgoingbeimpossible.

别说我坏话好像我不在这里似的Hey,don'ttalkaboutmelikeI'mnothere.

你再继续鬼叫我就让你真的不在这里Keepyappin',andyouwon'tbe.

查理你就带他去吃晚餐吧Charlie,justtakehimtodinner.

为什么?

见鬼WhyshouldI?

因为他不达目的就绝不闭嘴'Causehe'snotgoingtoshutuptillhegetswhathewants.

没错我会把你逼疯That'strue.I'lldriveyoucrazy.

是吗?

那你尽量使坏吧Yeah?

Well,doyourworst.

如果我们出去吃晚餐厨房就不需要清理Ifwegoouttodinner,there'snothingtocleanup.

我们没有要出去吃晚餐We'renotgoingouttodinner.

你常常都出去吃晚餐Youusuallywanttogoouttodinner.

今晚不去Nottonight.

你这样不是在惩罚我是在惩罚你自己You'renotpunishingme.You'rejustpunishingyourself.

滚远一点小鬼头Backoff,bobblehead.

拜托啦我会很可爱Oh,comeon.It'llbefun.

我们没有要去We'renotgoing.

为什么?

Whynot?

对话到此结束Thisconversation'sover.

我继续靠北就不会结束NotifIkeeptalking.

你想去哪里吃?

Sowheredoyouwanttoeat?

喀喀鸡Clucky's.

什么是喀喀鸡?

What'sClucky's?

火烤鸡肉加上独特秘方的香草与调味料Zestyfire-roastedchickenwithGrandmaClucky's

secretherbsandspices.

好在哪儿Allright.Whereisit?

附近有好几个点Thereareseveralconvenientlocations.

比如说?

Likewhere?

我不知道我都呆坐在车子里Idon'tknow.Ijustsitinthecar.

我没看过附近有什么喀喀鸡Well,I'veneverseenaClucky'saroundhere.

-要不要吃比萨?

-不要-Howaboutapizza?

-No.

-汉堡?

-不要-Burgers?

-No.

-寿司?

-不要Sushi?

-意大利菜?

-不要-Italian?

-No.

-中国菜?

-不要-Chinese.-No.

-喀喀鸡?

-不要-Clucky's?

-No.你根本没在听You'renotevenlistening!

我是说好Imean,yes.

喀喀鸡Clucky's.

算了吧Well,forgetit.

我不想为了找喀喀鸡而在城里开车到处晃I'mnotdrivingalloverthiscityhopingtostumble

acrossaClucky's.

这里不是妈常带我去的那家Thisisn'ttheClucky'smymomtakesmeto.

不会吧Nokidding.

这里是哪里啊?

Whereareweanyway?

这里叫"瓦次"镇It'scalledWatts.

赶快把你的鸡肉吃完Nowhurryupandfinishyourchicken.

我比较喜欢法式喀喀鸡IliketheCajunClucky'sbetter.

真有你的Goodforyou.

我可以再去点一些法式喀喀鸡吗?

CanIgobackandgetsomeCajunClucky's?

不行吃你眼前的No,eatwhatyougot.

但是我比较喜欢法式喀喀鸡ButIliketheCajunClucky'sbetter.

那你刚才为何要点一般的喀喀鸡?

ThenwhydidyouordertheregularClucky?

因为我忘记我喜欢法式喀喀鸡BecauseIforgotIliketheCajunClucky's.

你先把这"该死的"鸡吃完吧Oh,justeatthefreakin'chicken.

好吧Fine.

你为什么要说"该死"?

Whydoyousay"freakin'"?

我懂那个字我已经不是小孩子Iknowwhatyoumean.I'mnotalittlekidanymore.

快吃不要讲话快吃Eat.Don'ttalk,eat!

有事吗?

What'sup?

想尿尿Gottapee.

查理Charlie,

去拿烤肉夹getthetongs.

查理Charlie?

!

天啊Oh,boy.

想尿尿想尿尿想尿尿尿尿尿尿...Gottapee,gottapeeGottapee,pee,pee...

艾伦?

Alan?

我带了个妹来她想认识你I'vegotsomebodywhowantstomeetyou.

时机不太对妈Notagoodtime,Mom.

没错我看的出