实用文档之课文.docx

1、实用文档之 课文实用文档之Love is a Fallacy Max Shulman1 Charles Lamb, as merry and enterprising a fellow as you will meet in a month of Sundays, unfettered the informal essay with his memorable Old China and Dreams Children. There follows an informal essay that ventures even beyond Lambs frontier, indeed, infor

2、mal may not be quite the right word to describe this essay; limp or flaccid or possibly spongy are perhaps more appropriate. 2 Vague though its category, it is without doubt an essay. It develops an argument; it cites instances; it reaches a conclusion. Could Carlyle do more? Could Ruskin ? 3 Read,

3、then, the following essay which undertakes to demonstrate that logic, far from being a dry, pedantic discipline, is a living, breathing thing, full of beauty, passion, and trauma -Authors Note4 Cool was I and logical. Keen, calculating, perspicacious, acute and astute-I was all of these. My brain wa

4、s as powerful as a dynamo, as precise as a chemists scales, as penetrating as a scalpel. And-think of it! -I was only eighteen. 5 It is not often that one so young has such a giant intellect. Take, for example, Petey Butch, my roommate at the University of Minnesota. Same age, same background, but d

5、umb as an ox. A nice enough young fellow, you understand, but nothing upstairs. Emotional type. Unstable. Impressionable. Worst of all, a faddist. Fads, I submit, are the very negation of reason. To be swept up in every new craze that comes along, to surrender yourself to idiocy just because everybo

6、dy else is doing it-this, to me, is the acme of mindlessness. Not, however, to Petey.6 One afternoon I found Petey lying on his bed with an expression of such distress on his face that I immediately diagnosed appendicitis. Dont move, I said. Dont take a laxative. Ill get a doctor.7 Raccoon, he mumbl

7、ed thickly.8 Raccoon? I said, pausing in my flight.9 1 want a raccoon coat, he wailed.10 I perceived that his trouble was not physical, but mental. Why do you want a raccoon coat?11 1 should have known it, he cried, pounding his temples. 1 should have known theyd come back when the Charleston came b

8、ack. Like a fool I spent all my money for textbooks, and now I cant get a raccoon coat.12 Can you mean. I said incredulously, that people are actually wearing raccoon coats again?13 All the Big Men on Campus are wearing them. Whereve you been?14 In the library, I said, naming a place not frequented

9、by Big Men on Campus15 He leaped from the bed and paced the room, Ive got to have a raccoon coat, he said passionately. Ive got to!16 Petey, why? Look at it rationally. Raccoon coats are unsanitary. They shed. They smell bad. They weight too much. Theyre unsightly. They-17 You dont understand, he in

10、terrupted impatiently. Its the thing to do. Dont you want to be in the swim?18 No, I said truthfully.19 Well, I do, he declared. Id give anything for a raccoon coat. Anything!20 My brain, that precision instrument, slipped into high gear. Anything? I asked, looking at him narrowly.21 Anything, he af

11、firmed in ringing tones.22 I stroked my chin thoughtfully. It so happened that I knew where to set my hands on a raccoon coat. My father had had one in his undergraduate days; it lay now in a trunk in the attic back home. It also happened that Petey had something I wanted. He didnt have it exactly,

12、but at least he had first rights on it. I refer to his girl, Polly Espy.23 I had long coveted Polly Espy. Let me emphasize that my desire for this young woman was not emotional in nature. She was, to be sure, a girl who excited the emotions but I was not one to let my heart rule my head. I wanted Po

13、lly for a shrewdly calculated, entirely cerebral reason.24 I was a freshman in law school. In a few years I would be out in practice. I was well aware of the importance of the right kind of wife in furthering a lawyers career. The successful lawyers I had observed were, almost without exception, mar

14、ried to beautiful, gracious, intelligent women. With one omission, Polly fitted these specifications perfectly.25 Beautiful she was. She was not yet of pin-up proportions but I felt sure that time would supply the lack She already had the makings.26 Gracious she was. By gracious I mean full of grace

15、s. She had an erectness of carriage, an ease of bearing, a poise that clearly indicated the best of breeding, At table her manners were exquisite. I had seen her at the Kozy Kampus Korner eating the specialty of the house-a sandwich that contained scraps of pot roast, gravy, chopped nuts, and a dipp

16、er of sauerkraut-without even getting her fingers moist.27 Intelligent she was not. in fact, she veered in the opposite direction. But I believed that under my guidance she would smarten up. At any rate, it was worth a try. It is, after all, easier to make a beautiful dumb girl smart than to make an

17、 ugly smart girl beautiful.28 Petey, I said, are you in love with Polly Espy?29 1 think shes a keen kid, he replied, but I dont know if youd call it love. Why?30 Do you, I asked, have any kind of formal arrangement with her? I mean are you going steady or anything like that?31 No. We see each other

18、quite a bit, but we both have other dates. Why?32 Is there, I asked, any other man for whom she has a particular fondness?33 Not that I know of. Why?34 I nodded with satisfaction. In other words, if you were out of the picture, the field would be open. Is that right?35 1 guess so. What are you getti

19、ng at?36 Nothing, nothing, I said innocently, and took my suitcase out of the closet.37 Where are you going? asked Petey.38 Home for the weekend. I threw a few things into the bag.39 Listen, he said, clutching my arm eagerly, while youre home, you couldnt get some money from your old man, could you,

20、 and lend it to me so I can buy a raccoon coat?40 1 may do better than that, I said with a mysterious wink and closed my bag and left.41 Look, I said to Petey when I got back Monday morning. I threw open the suitcase and revealed the huge, hairy, gamy object that my father had worn in his Stutz Bear

21、cat in 1925.42 Holy Toledo! said Petey reverently. He plunged his hands into the raccoon coat and then his face. Holy Toledo! he repeated fifteen or twenty times.43 Would you like it? I asked.44 Oh yes! he cried, clutching the greasy peltto him. Then a canny look came into his eyes. What do you want

22、 for it?45 Your girl, I said, mincing no words.46 Polly? he said in a horrified whisper. You want Polly?47 Thats right.48 He flung the coat from him. Never, he said stoutly.49 I shrugged. Okay. If you dont want to be in the swim, I guess its your business.50 I sat down in a chair and pretended to re

23、ad a book, but out of the corner of my eye I kept watching Petey. He was a torn man. First he looked at the coat with the expression of a waif at a bakery window. Then he turned away and set his jaw resolutely. Then he looked back at the coat, with even more longing in his face. Then he turned away,

24、 but with not so much resolution this time. Back and forth his head swiveled, desire waxing, resolution waning . Finally he didnt turn away at all; he just stood and stared with mad lust at the coat.51 It isnt as though I was in love with Polly, he said thickly. Or going steady or anything like that

25、.52 Thats right, I murmured.53 Whats Polly to me, or me to Polly?54 Not a thing, said I.55 Its just been a casual kick -just a few laughs, thats all.56 Try on the coat, said I. 57 He complied. The coat bunched high over his ears and dropped all the way down to his shoe tops. He looked like a mound o

26、f dead raccoons. Fits fine, he said happily.58 I rose from my chair. Is it a deal? I asked, extending my hand.59 He swallowed. Its a deal, he said and shook my hand.60 I had my first date with Polly the following evening. This was in the nature of a survey; I wanted to find out just how much work I

27、had to do to get her mind up to the standard I required. I took her first to dinner. Gee, that was a delish （=delicious） dinner, she said as we left the restaurant. Then I took her to a movie. Gee, that was a marvy (=marvelous) movie, she said as we left the theater. And then I took her home. Gee, I

28、 had a sensaysh (=sensational) time, she said as she bade me good night.61 I went back to my room with a heavy heart. I had gravely underestimated the size of my task. This girls lack of information was terrifying. Nor would it be enough merely to supply her with information First she had to be taug

29、ht to think. This loomed as a project of no small dimensions, and at first I was tempted to give her back to Petey. But then I got to thinking about her abundant physical charms and about the way she entered a room and the way she handled a knife and fork, and I decided to make an effort.62 I went a

30、bout it, as in all things, systematically. I gave her a course in logic. It happened that I, as a law student, was taking a course in logic myself, so I had all the facts at my finger tips. Polly, I said to her when I picked her up on our next date, tonight we are going over to the Knolland talk.63

31、0o, terrif (=terrific), she replied. One thing I will say for this girl: you would go far to find another so agreeable.64 We went to the Knoll, the campus trysting place, and we sat down under an old oak, and she looked at me expectantly. What are we going to talk about? she asked.65 Logic.66 She thought this over for a minute and decided she liked it. Magnif (=magnificent), she said.67 Logic, I said, clearing my throat, is the science of thinking. Before we can think correctly, we must first learn to recognize the common