实用文档之课文.docx

实用文档之课文.docx

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实用文档之课文

实用文档之"LoveisaFallacy

MaxShulman"

1CharlesLamb,asmerryandenterprisingafellowasyouwillmeetinamonthofSundays,unfetteredtheinformalessaywithhismemorableOldChinaandDream'sChildren.TherefollowsaninformalessaythatventuresevenbeyondLamb'sfrontier,indeed,"informal"maynotbequitetherightwordtodescribethisessay;"limp"or"flaccid"orpossibly"spongy"areperhapsmoreappropriate.

　　2Vaguethoughitscategory,itiswithoutdoubtanessay.Itdevelopsanargument;itcitesinstances;itreachesaconclusion.CouldCarlyledomore?

CouldRuskin?

　　3Read,then,thefollowingessaywhichundertakestodemonstratethatlogic,farfrombeingadry,pedanticdiscipline,isaliving,breathingthing,fullofbeauty,passion,andtrauma--Author'sNote

　　4CoolwasIandlogical.Keen,calculating,perspicacious,acuteandastute--Iwasallofthese.Mybrainwasaspowerfulasadynamo,aspreciseasachemist'sscales,aspenetratingasascalpel.And--thinkofit!

--Iwasonlyeighteen.

　　5Itisnotoftenthatonesoyounghassuchagiantintellect.Take,forexample,PeteyButch,myroommateattheUniversityofMinnesota.Sameage,samebackground,butdumbasanox.Aniceenoughyoungfellow,youunderstand,butnothingupstairs.Emotionaltype.Unstable.Impressionable.Worstofall,afaddist.Fads,Isubmit,aretheverynegationofreason.Tobesweptupineverynewcrazethatcomesalong,tosurrenderyourselftoidiocyjustbecauseeverybodyelseisdoingit--this,tome,istheacmeofmindlessness.Not,however,toPetey.

　　6OneafternoonIfoundPeteylyingonhisbedwithanexpressionofsuchdistressonhisfacethatIimmediatelydiagnosedappendicitis."Don'tmove,"Isaid."Don'ttakealaxative.I'llgetadoctor."

　　7"Raccoon,"hemumbledthickly.

　　8"Raccoon?

"Isaid,pausinginmyflight.

　　9"1wantaraccooncoat,"hewailed.

　　10Iperceivedthathistroublewasnotphysical,butmental."Whydoyouwantaraccooncoat?

"

　　11"1shouldhaveknownit,"hecried,poundinghistemples."1shouldhaveknownthey'dcomebackwhentheCharlestoncameback.LikeafoolIspentallmymoneyfortextbooks,andnowIcan'tgetaraccooncoat."

　　12"Canyoumean."Isaidincredulously,"thatpeopleareactuallywearingraccooncoatsagain?

"

　　13"AlltheBigMenonCampusarewearingthem.Where'veyoubeen?

"

　　14"Inthelibrary,"Isaid,namingaplacenotfrequentedbyBigMenonCampus

　　15Heleapedfromthebedandpacedtheroom,"I'vegottohavearaccooncoat,"hesaidpassionately."I'vegotto!

"

　　16"Petey,why?

Lookatitrationally.Raccooncoatsareunsanitary.Theyshed.Theysmellbad.Theyweighttoomuch.They'reunsightly.They--"

　　17"Youdon'tunderstand,"heinterruptedimpatiently."It'sthethingtodo.Don'tyouwanttobeintheswim?

"

　　18"No,"Isaidtruthfully.

　　19"Well,Ido,"hedeclared."I'dgiveanythingforaraccooncoat.Anything!

"

　　20Mybrain,thatprecisioninstrument,slippedintohighgear."Anything?

"Iasked,lookingathimnarrowly.

　　21"Anything,"heaffirmedinringingtones.

　　22Istrokedmychinthoughtfully.ItsohappenedthatIknewwheretosetmyhandsonaraccooncoat.Myfatherhadhadoneinhisundergraduatedays;itlaynowinatrunkintheatticbackhome.ItalsohappenedthatPeteyhadsomethingIwanted.Hedidn'thaveitexactly,butatleasthehadfirstrightsonit.Irefertohisgirl,PollyEspy.

　　23IhadlongcovetedPollyEspy.Letmeemphasizethatmydesireforthisyoungwomanwasnotemotionalinnature.Shewas,tobesure,agirlwhoexcitedtheemotionsbutIwasnotonetoletmyheartrulemyhead.IwantedPollyforashrewdlycalculated,entirelycerebralreason.

　　24Iwasafreshmaninlawschool.InafewyearsIwouldbeoutinpractice.Iwaswellawareoftheimportanceoftherightkindofwifeinfurtheringalawyer'scareer.ThesuccessfullawyersIhadobservedwere,almostwithoutexception,marriedtobeautiful,gracious,intelligentwomen.Withoneomission,Pollyfittedthesespecificationsperfectly.

　　25Beautifulshewas.Shewasnotyetofpin-upproportionsbutIfeltsurethattimewouldsupplythelackShealreadyhadthemakings.

　　26Graciousshewas.BygraciousImeanfullofgraces.Shehadanerectnessofcarriage,aneaseofbearing,apoisethatclearlyindicatedthebestofbreeding,Attablehermannerswereexquisite.IhadseenherattheKozyKampusKornereatingthespecialtyofthehouse--asandwichthatcontainedscrapsofpotroast,gravy,choppednuts,andadipperofsauerkraut--withoutevengettingherfingersmoist.

　　27Intelligentshewasnot.infact,sheveeredintheoppositedirection.ButIbelievedthatundermyguidanceshewouldsmartenup.Atanyrate,itwasworthatry.Itis,afterall,easiertomakeabeautifuldumbgirlsmartthantomakeanuglysmartgirlbeautiful.

　　28"Petey,"Isaid,"areyouinlovewithPollyEspy?

"

　　29"1thinkshe'sakeenkid,"hereplied,"butIdon'tknowifyou'dcallitlove.Why?

"

　　30"Doyou,"Iasked,"haveanykindofformalarrangementwithher?

Imeanareyougoingsteadyoranythinglikethat?

"

　　31"No.Weseeeachotherquiteabit,butwebothhaveotherdates.Why?

"

　　32"Isthere,"Iasked,"anyothermanforwhomshehasaparticularfondness?

"

　　33"NotthatIknowof.Why?

"

　　34Inoddedwithsatisfaction."Inotherwords,ifyouwereoutofthepicture,thefieldwouldbeopen.Isthatright?

"

　　35"1guessso.Whatareyougettingat?

"

　　36"Nothing,nothing,"Isaidinnocently,andtookmysuitcaseoutofthecloset.

　　37"Whereareyougoing?

"askedPetey.

　　38"Homefortheweekend."Ithrewafewthingsintothebag.

　　39"Listen,"hesaid,clutchingmyarmeagerly,"whileyou'rehome,youcouldn'tgetsomemoneyfromyouroldman,couldyou,andlendittomesoIcanbuyaraccooncoat?

"

　　40"1maydobetterthanthat,"Isaidwithamysteriouswinkandclosedmybagandleft.

　　41"Look,"IsaidtoPeteywhenIgotbackMondaymorning.Ithrewopenthesuitcaseandrevealedthehuge,hairy,gamyobjectthatmyfatherhadworninhisStutzBearcatin1925.

　　42"HolyToledo!

"saidPeteyreverently.Heplungedhishandsintotheraccooncoatandthenhisface."HolyToledo!

"herepeatedfifteenortwentytimes.

　　43"Wouldyoulikeit?

"Iasked.

　　44"Ohyes!

"hecried,clutchingthegreasypelttohim.Thenacannylookcameintohiseyes."Whatdoyouwantforit?

"

　　45"Yourgirl,"Isaid,mincingnowords.

　　46"Polly?

"hesaidinahorrifiedwhisper."YouwantPolly?

"

　　47"That'sright."

　　48Heflungthecoatfromhim."Never,"hesaidstoutly.

　　49Ishrugged."Okay.Ifyoudon'twanttobeintheswim,Iguessit'syourbusiness."

　　50Isatdowninachairandpretendedtoreadabook,butoutofthecornerofmyeyeIkeptwatchingPetey.Hewasatornman.Firsthelookedatthecoatwiththeexpressionofawaifatabakerywindow.Thenheturnedawayandsethisjawresolutely.Thenhelookedbackatthecoat,withevenmorelonginginhisface.Thenheturnedaway,butwithnotsomuchresolutionthistime.Backandforthhisheadswiveled,desirewaxing,resolutionwaning.Finallyhedidn'tturnawayatall;hejuststoodandstaredwithmadlustatthecoat.

　　51"Itisn'tasthoughIwasinlovewithPolly,"hesaidthickly."Orgoingsteadyoranythinglikethat."

　　52"That'sright,"Imurmured.

　　53"What'sPollytome,ormetoPolly?

"

　　54"Notathing,"saidI.

　　55"It'sjustbeenacasualkick--justafewlaughs,that'sall."

　　56"Tryonthecoat,"saidI.

　　57Hecomplied.Thecoatbunchedhighoverhisearsanddroppedallthewaydowntohisshoetops.Helookedlikeamoundofdeadraccoons."Fitsfine,"hesaidhappily.

　　58Irosefrommychair."Isitadeal?

"Iasked,extendingmyhand.

　　59Heswallowed."It'sadeal,"hesaidandshookmyhand.

　　60IhadmyfirstdatewithPollythefollowingevening.Thiswasinthenatureofasurvey;IwantedtofindoutjusthowmuchworkIhadtodotogetherminduptothestandardIrequired.Itookherfirsttodinner."Gee,thatwasadelish（=delicious）dinner,"shesaidaswelefttherestaurant.ThenItookhertoamovie."Gee,thatwasamarvy（=marvelous）movie,"shesaidasweleftthetheater.AndthenItookherhome."Gee,Ihadasensaysh（=sensational）time,"shesaidasshebademegoodnight.

　　61Iwentbacktomyroomwithaheavyheart.Ihadgravelyunderestimatedthesizeofmytask.Thisgirl'slackofinformationwasterrifying.NorwoulditbeenoughmerelytosupplyherwithinformationFirstshehadtobetaughttothink.Thisloomedasaprojectofnosmalldimensions,andatfirstIwastemptedtogiveherbacktoPetey.ButthenIgottothinkingaboutherabundantphysicalcharmsandaboutthewaysheenteredaroomandthewayshehandledaknifeandfork,andIdecidedtomakeaneffort.

　　62Iwentaboutit,asinallthings,systematically.Igaveheracourseinlogic.IthappenedthatI,asalawstudent,wastakingacourseinlogicmyself,soIhadallthefactsatmyfingertips."Polly,"IsaidtoherwhenIpickedheruponournextdate,"tonightwearegoingovertotheKnollandtalk."

　　63"0o,terrif（=terrific）,"shereplied.OnethingIwillsayforthisgirl:

youwouldgofartofindanothersoagreeable.

　　64WewenttotheKnoll,thecampustrystingplace,andwesatdownunderanoldoak,andshelookedatmeexpectantly."Whatarewegoingtotalkabout?

"sheasked.

　　65"Logic."

　　66Shethoughtthisoverforaminuteanddecidedshelikedit."Magnif（=magnificent）,"shesaid.

　　67"Logic,"Isaid,clearingmythroat,"isthescienceofthinking.Beforewecanthinkcorrectly,wemustfirstlearntorecognizethecommon