生活大爆炸剧本401.docx

1、生活大爆炸剧本401Series 4 Episode 01 The RoboticManipulationScene: The apartment. A robotic arm is extracting some Chinese takeaway from a bag controlled by Howard.Howard: And now the kung pao chicken.Leonard: Alright.Raj: Smooth.Howard: And finally, my moo shu pork.Raj: Whoo-hoo!Howard: Ah, there you have

2、 it, gentlemen. Our entire dinner unpacked by robot.Raj: And it only took 28 minutes.Sheldon: Impressive, but we must be cautious.Howard: Why?Sheldon: Today, its a Chinese food retrieval robot. Tomorrow, it travels back in time and tries to kill Sarah Connor.Leonard: I dont think thats going to happ

3、en, Sheldon.Sheldon: No one ever does. Thats why it happens.Penny (arriving): Hey. Is the food here? Ooh. Whats that?Howard: That, dear lady, is the Wolowitz Programmable Hand, designed for extravehicular repairs on the International Space Station.Penny: Ah, cool.Howard: Ask me to pass the soy sauce

4、.Penny: Oh, does that come up much on the space station?Howard: Mostly with Asian and Jewish astronauts.Penny: All right. Pass the soy sauce.Howard: Coming up. (Starts typing rapidly)Leonard: So hows work?Penny: Oh, its not bad. Kind of hungry.Leonard: Yeah, we all are.Howard: Just wait.Sheldon: You

5、 realize, Penny, that the technology that went into this arm will one day make unskilled food servers such as yourself obsolete.Penny: Really? Theyre going to make a robot that spits on your hamburger?Sheldon: I thought you broke up with her. Why is she here?Howard: Okay, here we go. Passing the soy

6、 sauce. Put out your hand.Penny: Oh ha-ha, oh. Thats amazing.Sheldon: I wouldnt say amazing. At best, its a modest leap forward from the basic technology that gave us Country Bear Jamboree.Howard: Hey, Sheldon?Sheldon: Yes? (Howard types. The hand puts up two fingers to Sheldon.) Peace?Howard: No, n

7、ot peace. Hang on.Credits sequence.Scene: A few moments later.Penny: Does NASA know youre using that thing as a napkin holder?Howard: You kidding? They still think its in a secure locker at JPL.Penny: You stole it?Howard: Borrowed. The trick is to carry it out to your car like you own it.Sheldon (ph

8、one gives text alert): Excuse me. Oh. Amys at the dry cleaners, and shes made a very amusing pun. “I dont care for perchloroethylene, and I dont like glycol ether.” Get it? She doesnt like glycol ether. Sounds like either. (Taps in reply) L-O-L.Penny: Whos Amy?Leonard: His girlfriend.Penny: Sheldon

9、has a girlfriend?Sheldon: Shes not my girlfriend.Penny: How long has this been going on?Leonard: Four months.Sheldon: Shes not my girlfriend.Penny: Are you telling me, for the past four months I have been asking you whats new and you never thought to go with Sheldon has a girlfriend?Sheldon: Shes no

10、t my girlfriend.Penny: Ah, du-du-du-du-du. How did they meet?Howard: Raj and I entered Sheldons information on a dating site, and it spit out Amy Farrah Fowler.Penny: Oh, my God! Sheldon and Amy.Howard: Or, as we call them, Shamy.Penny (squeals): Shamy. I am so digging the Shamy.Sheldon: All right,

11、everyone pay attention. Yes, I have a friend named Amy Farrah Fowler. Yes, she is female. Yes, we communicate on a daily basis, but no, she is not my girlfriend.Penny: Okay, well, what do you communicate about?Sheldon: Well, my work in physics, her work in neurobiology, and most recently, the possib

12、ility of our having a child together.Penny (spits out drink explosively. Howard types. Robot arm hands Penny a napkin): Thank you.Leonard: Wait a minute a child? You never see this girl. You just e-mail and text and Twitter. Now youre considering having a baby?Sheldon: Amy pointed out that between t

13、he two of us, our genetic material has the potential of producing the first in a line of intellectually superior, benign overlords to guide humanity to a brighter tomorrow.Howard: Im guessing that future historians will condemn us for not taking this opportunity to kill Sheldon.Penny: Okay, I have a

14、 question.Sheldon: Yes, Penny.Penny: You dont even like people touching you. How are you going to have sex?Sheldon: Why on Earth would we have sex?Penny: Oh, honey, did your mom not have the talk with you? You know, when your private parts started growing?Sheldon: Im quite aware of the way humans us

15、ually reproduce, which is messy, unsanitary, and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.Penny: Oh, God.Sheldon: Yes, exactly. Consequently, if Amy and I choose to bring new life into this world, it will be accomplished clinically, with fertility

16、 experts in a lab with petri dishes. Which reminds me, you have broad hips and a certain corn-fed vigour. Is your womb available for rental?Leonard: Still digging the Shamy?Penny: Look, Sheldon, before you race off to the fertility clinic, you might want to think about, uh gee, I dont know, maybe ac

17、tually spending some time with her.Sheldon: You mean dating?Penny: Yeah.Sheldon: I cant date Amy.Penny: Why not?Sheldon: Shes not my girlfriend.Penny: Okay, look, dont think of it as dating a girlfriend. Think of it as, uh, getting to know the future mother of your child.Sheldon: Oh. I hadnt conside

18、red that. I suppose she will have to have access to our progeny. And you dont think I can achieve the required intimacy via text messaging?Penny: Probably not.Sheldon: Huh. It would appear as if the phone companies have been lying to me.Scene: The hallway.Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock

19、, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.Penny: You do realize I stand on the other side of the door waiting for you to finish knocking three times.Sheldon: I know. I can see the shadow of your feet under the door.Penny: Yeah, my point is its a waste of time.Sheldon: If youre looking for a

20、n example of a waste of time, I would refer you to the conversation were having right now.Penny: What do you want?Sheldon: Ive decided to take your advice and have arranged to go on a date with Amy Farrah Fowler.Penny: Oh, thats great. Have fun.Sheldon: Wait. You have to drive me.Penny: What?Sheldon

21、: You know I dont drive.Penny: Well, go ask Leonard.Sheldon: I did. He said, and I quote, ask Penny, it was her cockamamie idea.Penny: Leonard said cockamamie?Sheldon: Actually, Im paraphrasing. Having been raised in a Christian household, Im uncomfortable with the language he used. And to be honest

22、, Im not entirely comfortable with cockamamie.Penny: Okay, fine. Whens the date?Sheldon: Now.Penny: Now?Sheldon: Hurry. Were going to be late.Penny: Sheldon, did it ever occur to you that I might have other plans?Sheldon: Im sorry. Do you have other plans?Penny: Well, no, not per se, butSheldon: So

23、this conversation is as pointless as your door-knocking soliloquy?Penny: Let me get my cockamamie keys.Scene: Howards bedroom. Howard is being massaged by the robot hand.Howard: Oh, God, that feels so good. Yeah, thats the spot. Oh, baby.Mrs Wolowitz (off): Howard, dinners ready!Howard: Ill eat late

24、r. Im busy! Oh, yeah. Just like a real hand. Hmm.Scene: Pennys car.Sheldon: Thank you for driving me.Penny: Youre welcome.Sheldon: I wish you werent wearing flip-flops. Its dangerous to drive in flip-flops.Penny: Sheldon.Sheldon: Sorry. I just dont want to be yet another flip-flop fatality.Penny: Ca

25、n I ask you a question?Sheldon: Given your community college education, I encourage you to ask me as many as possible.Penny: Yeah. Well, my question is, and Im pretty sure I know the answer, is this your first date?Sheldon: That depends. Does square-dancing with my sister at a Teens for Jesus Fourth

26、 of July Hoedown count as a date?Penny: No.Sheldon: Then, this is my first date.Penny: Okay. Well, then, theres a couple of things you should probably know.Sheldon: I have a masters degree and two doctorates. The things I should know, I do know.Penny: My point is, I know more about dating than you,

27、and if you were as smart as you think you are, you would listen to me.Sheldon: If you know so much, how come I have a date tonight and you have nothing better to do than drive me to it?Penny: Fair point.Scene: The apartment.Raj: You know, theres something Ive always wondered about Aquaman.Leonard: Y

28、eah?Raj: Where does he poop?Leonard: What?Raj: What would a toilet look like in Atlantis? How would you flush it? And when you did flush it, where would the poop go?Leonard (phone rings): Hold that thought. Hey, Howard, whats going on? What? Hold on, Howard, Howard, slow down. The robot hand is stuc

29、k on your what? (To Raj) Youre not going to believe this.Scene: Pennys car. Amy is now in the back seat.Penny: So, um, Amy, Sheldon tells me youre a neuro something-or-other.Amy: Neurobiologist. Your check engine light is on.Penny: Yeah, its okay.Amy: But the light indicatesSheldon: Dont bother. Ive

30、 wasted many an hour tilting at that particular windmill.Penny: Um, what is that scent youre wearing? It smells great.Amy: Dandruff shampoo. I have dry scalp.Penny: Ah. Well, your hair looks very nice.Amy: Are you a homosexual?Penny: No, no, I was just giving you a compliment.Amy: Hmm. Would have be

31、en more flattered if you were a homosexual.Penny: Guys, how bout some music?Sheldon: Oh, no, I wouldnt care for that. Amy?Amy: No, thank you.Penny: Okay. Uncomfortable silence it is. Hey, Sheldon, have you told Amy what it was like for you growing up in Texas?Sheldon: No.Penny: Well, why dont you te

32、ll her?Sheldon: All right. It was hell.Penny: Any follow up, Amy?Amy: No.Penny: I myself grew up in Nebraska. Small town outside of Omaha. You know, nice place, mostly family farms, a few meth labs.Sheldon: Im sorry, how is this better than uncomfortable silence?Penny: I dont know. I was just trying s