Old Friends Season 4 E14.docx

Old Friends Season 4 E14.docx

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OldFriendsSeason4E14

TheOneWithJoey’sDirtyDay

Phoebe:

Sonow,whatisthisnow?

Joey:

Gugglyworm.

Phoebe:

Andthis?

Joey:

Glow-popgigglyjammer.

Phoebe:

Youmakeitsofunny.

Monica:

Heyumm,what’sthis?

Joey:

Ohh,ahunkofsandwichfromlastyear.

Ross:

Ohh,Geller’sgotonehooked!

Ohh!

Lookslikeabigone!

Yeah,ohh!

Ohh!

It’stheclassicstrugglebetweenmanand—Someoneknockedoveralamp.

Joey:

That’sallright.Heyyouguys,youknowwhat’sgoingtobegreataboutthefishingtripthisyear?

Whenmydadgetsmeoutinthemiddleofthelakeandgivesmethat,"Joey,whatareyoudoingwithyourlife?

"stuff.Icansay,"Well,I’mdoingamoviewithCharltonHestondad.Whatareyoudoingwithyourlife?

"

All:

Great!

Chandler:

Youdon’thavetostophavingfunjustbecauseI’mhere.Kathydidn’tcheatonallofyou.Well,exceptyou.

Monica:

Hey,Joey,Idon’tthinkthatyoushouldleaveChandleralone.Imeanit’sonlybeentwodayssincehebrokeupwithKathy.Maybeyoucangofishingnextweek?

Joey:

Look,there’snothingIcandoforhimrightnow,he’sstillinhissweatpants,that’sstillPhaseOne.Y'know?

I’llbebackforPhaseTwo,IwouldnevermissPhaseTwo.

Monica:

What’sPhaseTwo?

Joey:

Gettin’drunkandgoingtoastripclub.

Rachel:

Howdoesgoingtoastripclubhelphimbetter?

Ross:

Becausetherearenakedladiesthere.

Joey:

WhichhelpshimgettoPhaseThree,picturingyourselfwithotherwomen.

Ross:

Therearenakedladiestheretoo.

Joey:

Yeah.

Chandler:

Wouldyougivemeoneminute!

!

Please.

Joshua:

So,thesewillmatchthejacketyoupickedoutformelastweek?

Rachel:

Um-hmm.Therewego.Thereitis.

Joshua:

Oh!

YouknowwhatIneed?

Rachel:

Yeah!

Joshua:

Gloves.Brown,leatherdressgloves.

Rachel:

Oh,okay.Uhh,welllet’ssee.You’reabout—welluh,thisoneislarge.Andthisone—

Joshua:

Alsolarge?

Rachel:

Yeah!

Okay,twolargescomingrightup!

Joshua:

Okay.

Mr.Waltham:

Rachel!

CouldIhaveamoment?

Rachel:

Yes.

Mr.Waltham:

I-Iwaswondering,mynieceyouseeisinfromLondon—wellShropshirereallybuty’know—wellshe’saboutyourageIsay.AnywayIhaveticketsfortheopera,DieFledermaus,andIwaswonderingifyou’dliketokeephercompanythisevening?

Rachel:

Sure.Yougotit.Great!

Mr.Waltham:

Oh,good.

Rachel:

Me,Fledermaus,great.Ireally—

Mr.Waltham:

Ohh!

Yesofcourse,thankyou,thankyou,thankyousoverymuch.

Joshua:

So…

Rachel:

So?

Joshua:

Gloves?

Rachel:

Ohh!

Right!

Right,sorry,I’llberightback!

Joshua:

Uhh,actuallyy’knowwhat,Ikinda—Ihavetotakeoff.

Rachel:

Oh.

Joshua:

But,Iwascurious;doyouhaveanyplansfortonight?

Rachel:

No!

Nothing!

Joshua:

Iinvestedinthisnight-clubandit’sopeningtonight,wouldyouliketocome?

Rachel:

Yeah!

Thatwouldbegreat!

Joshua:

You’reintohardcoreS&Mright?

Rachel:

Well,I-Iguess—I…

Joshua:

Kidding!

I’mgonnagetthereearly,butI’mgoingtoputyouontheV.I.Plist,okay?

Lookforme.

Rachel:

Yeah,great,youbetcha!

Mr.Waltham:

Ialmostforgetthetickets,didn’tI?

Rachel:

What?

Mr.Waltham:

ForyouandEmily,tonight,DieFledermaus.

Rachel:

Oh.Oh,right.

Mr.Waltham:

Ithinkyou’lllikeit,ithastwooutofthethreetenors.

Rachel:

Ohyay!

Chandler:

Y’know,Ican’tbelieveKathydidthistoome.Ireally,thoughtthatshewastheone.Itellyouwhat,fromnowonI’mnevergettingoutofthischair,ever!

Okay?

Fromnowon,thischairistheone!

Youwannawhatelseistheone?

Mysweatpants!

Ross:

Comeon,man!

Just-justtakethesweatsoff.Okay?

Justtake‘emoffandwe’llhavesomefun.

Joey:

Hey-hey!

Ross:

Hi!

Phoebe:

Hey!

Ross:

Catchanybigfish?

Joey:

OhmyGod,youguyshavenoidea.

All:

Oh!

God!

Wow!

Monica:

Youstink!

Ross:

Areyoukidding?

!

Joey:

Yeah,threedaysonthelakewithoutashower.Plus!

Ifellinthatbigtubofwormsatthebaitstand!

Hey,how-how’shedoing?

Ross:

Hehasn’tgottenoutofthatchairintwodays.

Joey:

Heybuddy!

How’sitgoing?

Joey:

Hey,seethat?

Hejustneededhispaltocomehome.Allright,uh,I’vegottogomemorisemylines.MeandCharltonHestonbrightandearlytomorrowmorning!

Yeah-yeah!

Rachel:

Hey!

Ross:

Hey!

Rachel:

Hey,Monica!

Monica:

Uh-oh,what’sthematter?

Rachel:

Ohh,it’sJoshuainvitedmetothisfancyclubopeningtonight.But,IalreadytoldMr.WalthamthatIwouldtakehisniecetothisdumboldopera.So…Whatareyougonnado?

Monica:

Idon’tknowsweetie.

Rachel:

No!

Helpme!

Monica:

Ican’t!

Ihavetowork!

Rachel:

Phoebe?

Phoebe:

Iwould,butIgetmymorningsicknessintheevening.

Rachel:

Ugh!

Phoebe:

Unless!

Shewantstospendthenightholdingmyhairbackforme.

Rachel:

Ohh,gosh.Youguys,comeon,thisis—IhavetomeetJoshua!

ThisismyonechanceforhimtoseethefunRachel.Y’knowthe"Wouldn’titbegreatifshewasmywife"Rachel.Ohh,allright!

AreJoeyandChandlerback?

Monica:

No,Chandler’sstillinPhaseOne,andJoey’sthatthingyousmell.

Rachel:

Ohh!

Hi!

Ross:

Hi!

Rachel:

So….

Ross:

No.

Rachel:

Ohhhh,comeon!

!

!

Monica:

Ithinkshe’shere.

Rachel:

No!

Wait!

Wait-wait!

Ross,please!

Ross:

YouwantmetotakesomegirlI’venevermettotheoperasoyoucangotoaclubandflirtwithsomeguy,hmm,that-thatisatoughie.

Monica:

Ohh,she’slookingdownthehall.Oh!

Shelookedrightatme!

Ohwait,youcan’tseepeoplethroughthatlittlehole,canyou?

Hello!

Woman:

Hello!

Rachel:

I’llberightthere!

Okay,Ross,pleasecomeon!

Ithoughtwehavemovedon!

Ithoughtwe’vegottentoaplacewherewecouldbehappyforeachother!

Imeanwasthatjustme?

Ross:

Allright,I’lldoit.

Rachel:

Ohthankyou!

Thankyou,thankyou,thankyou!

Emily?

Emily:

Yes.

Rachel:

I’mRachelGreen.

Emily:

Thankgoodness.

Rachel:

There’sbeenateeny-teenychangeinplans.ItturnsoutthatI’mnotfreetonight.So…

Emily:

Really?

!

Well,that’sjustlovely,isn’tit?

Imust’vemissedyourcall,eventhoughIdidn’tleavetheflatallday.

Rachel:

Ohwell,noI…

Emily:

Oh,no-no-no,that’snotrude!

It’sperfectlyinkeepingwithatripthatI’vealreadybeenrundownbyoneofyourwienercarts,andbeenstrip-searchedatJohnF.KennedyAirport,apparentlytoyoupeople,Ilooklikesomeonewho’sgotaballoonfullofcocainestuffeduptheirbum.

Monica:

I-I-Ithinkyoulookgreat.

Emily:

Goodnight,itwasverynicetomeetyouall.

Rachel:

I’llgether.

Ross:

Pleasehurry.

Phoebe:

Don’tyoujustlovethewaytheytalk?

!

Phoebe:

Ohh!

Monica:

What?

Phoebe:

Itkicked!

Ithinkthebabykicked!

Monica:

OhmyGod!

Phoebe:

Ohnowait,ohno,theelasticonmyunderwearbusted.

Joey:

OhmyGod!

Ioverslept!

Iwassupposedtobeonthesetahalfanhourago!

Igottagetoutofhere!

Monica:

Ohwait,Joey,youcan’tgolikethat!

Youstink!

Joey:

Look,IknowIfeelasleepbeforeIcouldshowerandnowIdon’thavetime!

They’rejusttenblocksaway,ifIrun,Icanmakeit.

Monica:

Yeah.Runtenblocks,that’llhelpthesmell.

Rachel:

Hey—whoa,slowdown.No,keepmoving.Wow!

Monica:

So?

HowdiditgowithJoshualastnight?

Rachel:

Well,Ididn’tseeJoshualastnight,butIdidpunchagirlintheface.

Monica:

What?

Phoebe:

Why?

Rachel:

Thewholenightwashorrible,itwaspouringdownrain,andwhenIgotthere,therewasnoRachelGreenonthelist,buttherewasaRachelGreep.

Phoebe:

Ohh!

So,didyougettomeether?

Rachel:

No,thereisnoRachelGreep,butthenthisothergirloverheardusandshewasall,"I’mRachelGreep!

I’mRachelGreep!

"andheletherrightin.

Monica:

Soyouhitherintheface?

Rachel:

No,shewasalreadyin,butthenthisbigbitchbehindmetriedtostealmyumbrella,soIclockedher.Ohhh!

Ican’tbelievethis,allIwantedwasafewhoursoutsideofworktoseeJoshua,sohecangoaheadandstartfallinginlovewithme.

Phoebe:

（goingovertocomforther）Aww,Pheebs.

Rachel:

Honey,that’syou’rename.

Phoebe:

That’sshortforPhoebe?

!

Ithoughtthatwasjustwhatwecalledeachother!

Monica:

Hey!

You’rewearingpants!

Chandler:

That’sright!

Wherearetheguys?

I’mreadytogetdrunkandseesomestrippers.

Monica:

It’s9:

30inthemorning!

Chandler:

Theygotabreakfastbuffet.

Monica:

Hello.Oh,heyRoss!

Chandler:

Ooh,letmetalktohim!

Monica:

Oh-oh,myGod!

Chandler:

Well,canIjust…

Monica:

Shh!

!

Wait,what?

Chandler:

She’sshhingme!

It’smyphoneandshe’sshhingme!

Phoebe:

Shhh!

!

Please!

What’shesaying?

Monica:

He’swithEmilyataBedandBreakfastinVermont!

Phoebe:

What?

OhmyGod!

Rachel:

What?

WhothehellisEmily—noooo!

!

Rachel:

They’reinVermont!

!

Howcouldthishappen?

!

Chandler:

Ow!

Rachel:

How—howdidendupinVermontwiththatawfulwitch?

!

Chandler:

Maybe,shedoesn’thithimallthetime.

Ross:

Whenwefirstmether,shewassoaking,herfeetwerewet!

Whowouldn’tbemiserable?

I’mtellingyouwhenIgotherintoadrypairofshoes,shewasatotallydifferentperson.

Emily:

Ross!

Comequickly!

There’sadeerjustoutsideeatingfruitfromtheorchard!

Ross:

I’vegottago,there’sadeerjustoutsideeatingfruitfromtheorchard!

Monica:

Hehadtogo,there’sadeerjustoutsideeatingfruitfromtheorchard.

Rachel:

Idon’tgetthis!

Shewashorrible!

Chandler:

Okay,I’mgoingtogostandoverthere.

Monica:

Whydoyoucaresomuchanyway?

Rachel:

Idon’tcare!

Allright,y’knowwhatI’mjustupsetthatI’mgettingnowherewithJoshuathat—y’knowwhatstill,youdonotmeetsomeoneandgoflittingofftoVermont!

Monica:

Well,whenyoufirstmetBarry,youflittedofftoVail.

Rachel:

Oh,y’know,wouldyoujustforonce,notrememberevery…little…thing!

!

Chandler:

Soy’know,uh,when’shegettingback?

Monica:

Acoupleofdays.

Chandler:

Y’know,Iknewsomethinglikethiswasgoingtohappen.

Monica:

Whatare