7A版全国创新英语大赛优秀作文.docx

7A版全国创新英语大赛优秀作文.docx

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7A版全国创新英语大赛优秀作文

73全国创新英语大赛优秀作文

题目：

；Directions:

；Readthefollowingparagrap；Howdoyouunderstandvolunt；Comeandjoinusinvolunteer；OnVolunteer；黄昕彤辽宁省鞍山市鞍山一中108班；Thedefinitionofthewordvo；Undoubtfully,thosevolunt；Peoplearo题目：

Directions:

Readthefollowingparagraphandwriteacompositionasstatedatabout300wordsin60minutes.Yourcompositionwillbegradedaccordingtoclarity,accuracyandmeaningfulness.InaccordancewithCRInews,thespiritofChinesevolunteers,fromrespondingtotheMay12earthquaketothe20GGBeijingOlympicGames,notonlytouchedtheChinesepeople,butalsogeneratedworldwideattention.Officialstatisticsshowthatchinahasaccumulatedabout8billionhoursofvolunteerworkfrom380millionvolunteerssince1993andisgoingtohavemoreandmorevolunteers,especiallytheyouth.

Howdoyouunderstandvolunteerwork?

Inwhatway（s）isitimportanttopromotethewell-beingofindividuals,families,communitiesandtheworldatlarge?

Yourwritingoughttocontainthreeparts,yourviewpoint,thesupportingideas,andtheconclusion.

Comeandjoinusinvolunteerworkrightnow!

OnVolunteer

黄昕彤辽宁省鞍山市鞍山一中108班

ThedefinitionofthewordvolunteerinLougnan（Longman）Dictionaryissomeonewhohelpsotherssponstaneously（spontaneously）andwillingly.That'strue!

Lifeisastyleofenjoyingyourself,notonlybyentertaingandenridingyourself,butalsobytheprocessofhelpingothers.

Undoubtfully,thosevolunteersrevealtheirgreatloveandpassionfortheircountry.Loveistheeternalthemeoftheworld,Withouthove（love）,it'slikebirdswithoutwings,failingtoshowitstalentsofflying,It'slikespringwithoutflowers,buryingischarmingfragrantsinthedeepsoil.TheirvoluntyworkunitesChina,shouingtheworldhowunitedChinesepeopleareshockingtheworldofitscooperation.

Peoplearoundthecountryaremakingtheireffortstohelpingothers,whichleavestheworldanimpressionthatChinaisavealcountry,andallthepeopleherearelikebrothersandsisters,whocaresalotforothers.YoucanneverimaginehowtouchedIwaswhenIwatchedtheTVprogramcalled“MovingChina”.13peasantsfromtangshangvolunteeredtohelpthosevictimsofSichuangonhearingthetremendousearthquakehappenedthere,leavingalltheirfarmworkdoneinthefieldtheysacrifiledanythingandhelpedothersatanycost,fortheyknewtheglantpainstheearthquakebringstopeople.Theycanneverforgethowmuchpainstheyhavendertakenintheearthquakeandhowmuchhelptheyhavereceivedfromtheworld.Theycomparedtheirownfeelingstothevictimsandpassedthesplriton.Inthissense,peoplewillpassthespiritfromgenerationtoqueneration,fromChinatoallovertheworld.Then,howsweetwilltheWorldbe!

Ihaveadreamthatoneday,Iwillbeamemberofthevolunteerteam.Ihaveadreamthatoneday,I'llmakecontributionstoChinahoweverslightestitmaybe.IhaveadreamthatonedayI'llbeafounderofaworldCharity,helpingpeopleallovertheworld.I'mfirmlyconvincedthatitwillnotonlybeadreanforme,butalsoadreanforpeoplealloverChina,allovertheworld,andforthegreatGlobalVillage.

专家建议：

整篇文章条理清晰，结构完整，总体感觉很好。

但有个别语法错误，固定搭配有些用得不够准确，建议多用课本学过的固定搭配或是词组造句。

专家点评：

文章语言流畅，运用了修辞手法，展现出一定的语言功底。

此外，论据生动有力，让人信服。

如果句子之间的多用些关联词就更好了。

陈茜江苏省哈尔滨市第三中学高三18班

Deargrandfather:

Howareyou?

Iamwritingtoinviteyoutojoinus,intheneGtyear,tobeavoluntearinthegreatevent,whichistoholdinShanghai.We,agenerationborninthe90sinourcity,havemadeateamtodothevolunteerwork.AndyouarewelcomedbyallourteammembersawingtoyourgreatamountofknowledgeaboutChinesetraditionsandculture.Pleasedon'ttellmeyouaretoooldtodothisjob.IbelieveyouaresuretoacceptmyinvitationafterreadingmyfollowingeGplannationoftheimportanceofthevolunteerwork.

Nowadays,volunteerwork,whichhasraisedpublicinterestandconcern,isbecommingmoreandmorepopularthroughouttheworld.Asisknowntoall,volunteerworkisnotonlymeaningfulbutalsonecessary.Onemypersonalwete,what'smore,it'sinterestingandpleasant!

Ithelpusdevelopoursel.

Firstly,forindividuals,especiallythoseyoung,todovolunteerworkisanawailuabewanytogoinsocialeGperience.Bydoingvolunteerwork,theycanmeetvorriouspeopleandtheymayrunacrossallkindsoftroubles.Theyhowever,canbecomematureanddeterminedbysolvingtheseproblems.Youknow,nopains,nogains.Also,individualswillrealizethattheydomakeadifferenceinsomeoneelse'slife,eventhewholeevent,theworld!

Theirconfidencecanberovisedandconfidenceiswhatittakestodoanyjobwell.

Forfamilies,ifyou'rethesidethatreceivedthehelpofthevolunteers,ofcouseyourissuewillbemoreeasilydealtwith.Ifyou'rethesidewhogiveothersyourhand,youwillrealizethereeGistsnobetterwaytoeducateyourchildrenthat“avirtwredeseruesamother”becauseyou'llgetthebestpresent-smiledeeplyfromone'sheart,inthewholeworld.

Itisagreatchanceforallmembersgettingclosertoeachotherincommunitiesbytakingpartinvolunteerwork.Theirteamspirits,theirco-operationwillbegreatimproued.So,whynot?

Themostimportantly,forthewholeworld,fortheentirehumanrace,volunteerworkwillmakeearthabetterplacetolivein,itisthroughvolunteerworkthatweknowtherearesomanypeoplearewillingtohelpothersalthoughtheycan'tgetmoneyfromit.Itisthroughvolunteerworkthatweknowweareallbrothersandsisters,thatweareallfamilies.

Mydeargrandfather,canreon!

JoinusandhelpintroduceowrgreatChineseculturetotheworld.21centuringisonopencewtury.Youcantrustyourselfandpleasetrustus,too!

We'llhelpyouandweneedyouhelp!

Let'smaketheworldabetterplacebybeingavolunteer!

It'sasmallstepforusbutitisaleurgeoneforthewholeworld!

Loveyou.

Yourgranddaught.

专家建议：

句子之间的衔接做的还不是很到位，建议多练练关联词的用法。

词汇不够丰富，句型变化不多，建议多看些范文，多练一些经典句型。

专家点评：

文章立意很好，整体结构清晰，语言大体流畅，还能够引经据典，显示出有一定的英语（论坛）文化底蕴。

Tobeavolunteer，Bringarayofsunshine

陈天悦山东省济南市山东省齐钢高级中学高三4班

DearTom:

Itisagreatpleasureformetohavethewondefulchancetoputpentopaperandsendmygreetingstoyou.Yousaidthatyouwantedtobeavolunteeranddidn'tknowwhetheryoushouldornot.Iwanttohelpyouanalyseit.

Inmyopinion.Ithinkitisnotnolyagoodchancetohelpothersbutalsoagoodopportunitytomakeselp-improvement.You'dbetterparticipateinthevolunteerwork.Ifwecompaneyouthtoflouers,asisoftenthecase,thentheyoungvolunteersarethemostbeautifulflowers.Byjoininginthevounteerwork,youwillleamhowtohelpothersandhowtoloveothers.What'smoreyoucanalsofinditoutthattherearemanypeoplesufferingfromdisasterandthenyouwillvalueyourcomfortablelife.Althoughyoumayfeelverytiredasavolunteeranditmaycostyoumuchtimetohelpothers,Istillinsistthatyoushouldbeavolunteerbecausetheadvantagesbrightaboutbyvolunteerworkoverweighthe

disadvantages.

Itallthepeoplerefusedtobevolunteers,thepeoplesufferedfromthemay12earthquakecouldloseheartandmostofthemwouldn'thavethechancetosurvivefromthatdisaster.Ifnoneofthepeoplewantedtobeavolunteer,theBeijingolympicGameswouldbeafailure.Ifeverypeopledidn'tfeellikebeingavolunteer,therewouldbenopeoplecleaningtheenvironmentandprotectingthebeautifulsceneryautomatically.Itwasterrible!

Fromallmentionedabove,volunteersplayaveryimportantpartinourdailylife.TobeavolunteerwillgaingloryforChina.Asisbrowtoall,Chinesechildrenarealwayslaughedatforlackofpractice.Sotobeavolunteerisagoodchancetocanpensateforit.

Frommypointofview,it'shightimethatyoubecameavolunteerandlearnedtohelpothers.Ifeveryonemakesacontributiontohelpingothers,theworldwillbemuchmorebeautiful!

Atlast,wishyouallthebest!

Yourssincerely.

Lily.

专家建议：

一篇文章的结构是评判该文章优劣的重要参考标准，但结构显然不够简洁清晰，所以建议作者能在平时多阅读英文报纸上的文章，有意识地观察规范的英语文章是怎样设计结构的。

专家点评：

文章二三段的结构很混乱，建议这样的文章段落都应写成总、分、总的形式更能突出文章的逻辑性，并在“分”的部分也一条一条分开写，而不是都堆在一段内，让人分不清哪句是观点哪句是论证，很混乱。

另外注意同义词的替换已是文章表达更丰富，比如文章中多次出现的帮助他人就都是使用：

helpothers就显得过于单一了~Volunteers

李彦妮辽宁省鞍山市鞍山一中10.14班

Thereisavividsayingthateverygloriouseventisjustifiablyconnectedwithvolunteerswhoisagroupofpeople,holdingthefundementaltohelpotherswithoutpay-backbenefits.In1993,whenthenewwordburtoutamongsocialsociety,mostofusgaveaslurtoitinconsideringofeconomy.Thespecialgroup,however,isjustlikeariver-smallatfirst,containedwithinitsbanks,floodpassionallythenmergedintothesea,forthesenseofmoralconsiderations.Andnow,Iquitesupporttobeavolunteer.

Wecanneverforgetthesemovingscenes:

AgroupofadolecentsfromBeijingdashedtotheCityofWenchuanwhogaveuptheircomfortablelivingsituationsandpickeduptheheavyburdentosavepeopleburiedintotheground,whileamiddleagedwhitecollarwhothrewawayhiscomputerandsalarycameheretofetchwictims'livesfromthedeath.Itisvolunteerswhorushedtothisplacewhichhassufferedfromthecatastrophethatgaveagreathelptothosevictimsinneed.Avolunteercansupportapieceofsky,andthisonereasonIameagertojointhem.

Secondly,onlyavolunteerwhoisinactivepartinBeijingOlympicGameswillhegiveagreathelptothoselosers.ItisvolunteerswhogaveusawarmwelcometoBeijingthatputtheglorioussportsmeetingfrominchaostoinorder.Aperson,asweknow,whohasn’tjoinintothegroupofvolunteerisoneoftheunfortunatevictimsofthissocietywhichisoccupiedwithlove.Allofusareinhighpressureinthisadversecircumstance.Ourmindcatchesholdofsomethingandwillnotletitgo,ifwechoosethewaytoarguewiththemind,thestrongerthewill,themorefuitilethetask,sowe,shouldchooseawaytohelpothers,toseethesmilefromothers.Thenthepressuregetoutsuiftly.Ialwaysgointoraptureatamerementionofbeingavolunteerandregarditasapersonwhoiseagertohelpothersoragroupnotinthesameclasswiththesuburbansocial-climbers.Itseemsaclichébutasayingwhichisaninfallibilitythatasplendidcasecannotleaveavolunteerjustasafishcannotlivewithoutwater.

专家点评：

作者尽量用到了一些高级词语和句型，表明作者有一定的英语功底，但是小的错误频发，如单词拼写，语法问题，句子逻辑，这在某一方面也表明作者的基本功有待提高，继续努力。

专家建议：

用词准确是写作的基础。

对于学习英语的中国学生来说，背单词扩大词汇量是有必要的，但遗憾的是，学生们背的大都是单词的“外壳”，记的大都是单词的表意或字典提供的大致意思，而基本上忽视了词在语境中的作用和词的“精神”。

这种只记单词表意的学习方法对提高语言的运用能力，特别是写作能力是极其不利的。

Letusshine

徐叶子江苏省张家港市张家港外国语学校高二4班

Volunteersarejustlikediamondsinthesun,andthediamondsareforever,especiallytheyouth.Volunteerworkisjustlikeamiracle.FromtheMay12thearthquaketothe20GGBeijingOlympicGames,volunteerworkmadeunbelievablecontributions.

60yearsagoourcountrywassetup,todaywewillcelebrateits60thbirthday.Inthisprocess,volunteerworkdidalotofhelpandnowourcountryisstandingintheworldjustlikeagiant.Inthepastyears,volunteershavehelpedalargenumberofpeople,theold,theyoung,thepoorandthehomeless.Allthevolunteersknowthattheroadaheadwillbelongandcragged,butnomatterwhatobstaclesstandintheirwaytheywillneverstop.Becausetheyhaveacreedandtheybelieveeverythingispossible.Ohthecreedofvolunteerwork,youmakevolunteerskeepongoingwithouthesitation.Ohthecreedofvolunteerwork,youmakevolunteershandinhandandbewithtogetherforever.Ohthecreedofvolunteerwork,youmakevolunteersgotot