201706浙江续写作文讲评.ppt

201706浙江续写作文讲评.ppt

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阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

Onabright,warmJulyafternoon,MacHollan,aprimaryschoolteacher,wascyclingfromhishometoAlaskawithhisfriends.Oneofhisfriendshadstoppedtomakeabicyclerepair,buttheyhadencouragedMactocarryon,andtheywouldcatchupwithhimsoon.AsMacpedaled（骑行）alongalone,hethoughtfondlyofhiswifeandtwoyoungdaughtersathome.Hehopedtoshowthemthisbeautifulplacesomeday.ThenMacheardquickandloudbreathingbehindhim.“Man,thatsabigdog!

hethought.Butwhenhelookedtotheside,hesawinstantlythatitwasntadogatall,butawolfquicklycatchingupwithhim.,Macsheartjumped.Hefoundouthiscanofbearspray.Withonehandonthebars,hefiredthesprayatthewolf.Abrightredcloudenvelopedtheanimal,andtoMacsrelief,itfellback,shakingitshead.Butaminutelater,itwasbyhissideagain.ThenitattackedthebackofMacsbike,tearingopenhistenthag.Hefiredatthewolfasecondtime,andagain,itfellbackonlytoquicklyrestartthechase（追赶）.Macwaspedalinghardnow.Hewavedandyelledatpassingcarsbutwascarefulnottoshowdown.Hesawasteepuphillclimbbeforehim.Heknewthatoncehehitthehill,hedbeeasycaughtupandthewolfsteethwouldbetearingintohisflesh.Atthismoment,PaulandBeckyweredrivingtheircarontheirwaytoAlaska.Theydidntthinkmuchofitwhen,theysawtwocyclistsrepairingtheirbikeonthesideoftheroad.Abitlater,theyspottedwhatthey,too,assumedwasadogrunningalongsideamanonabike.Astheygotcloser,theyrealizedthatthedogwasawolf.Macheardalargevehiclebehindhim.Hepulledinfrontofitasthewolfwascatchingupfast,justadozenyardsawaynow.注意：

1.所续写短文的词数应为150左右；2.应使用5个以上短文中标有下划线的关键词语；3.续写部分分为两段，每段开头语已为你写好；4.续写完成后，请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。

Para1:

Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim.Para2:

Afewminuteslater,theothertwocyclistsarrived.,评分标准,1与所给短文及段落开头语的衔接程度2内容的丰富性和对所标出关键词语的应用情况3应用语法结构和词汇的丰富性和准确性4上下文的连贯性,Narration（记叙文）Argumentation（议论文）C.Exposition（说明文）,Writingstyle,who:

MachisfriendsPaulandBeckywhen:

onabright,warmJulyafternoonwhere:

fromhishometoAlaskawhat:

tookatripandadventuredwhy:

enjoyedthelife,astory（when,where,who,what,how）,审体裁：

记叙文审时态：

一般过去时审前文大意以及要点,what:

heard,saw,fountout,fired,firedagain,pedalhard,wavedandyelledheard，pulledastory:

beginning;development;ending,结伴骑行-独自遇狼-,奋力逃生,逃出，感受,Theprovidedbeginnings,Para1:

Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim.Para2:

Afewminuteslater,theothertwocyclistsarrived.,结伴骑行-独自遇狼-Para1：

Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim.Whosecarwasit?

Whydiditstop?

HowdidMacfeel?

WhatwouldMacdo?

Para2：

Afewminuteslater,theothertwocyclistsarrived.Whatdidtheysee?

Whatwouldtheydo?

卷面；段落，字数；衔接（与首句；两段之间；句子之间）故事发展准确性（用词；句子结构；语法；符合情景否？

）,改卷经验,出现的问题,衔接（与首句；两段之间；句子之间）故事发展准确性（用词；句子结构；语法；符合情景否？

）,出现的问题,衔接（与首句；两段之间；句子之间）故事发展,童话式的寓言式的无厘头式的戏剧式的,出现的问题,准确性（用词；句子结构；语法；符合情景否？

）,1afraid;nervous;frightened2catch,catchup,catchupwith3“Getintothecarquickly,man!

”saidPaul.4发动汽车5狼追我们6汽油不够7自行车上跳下8call?

/callfor?

thepolice,出现的问题,准确性（用词；句子结构；语法；符合情景否？

）,Hesawthewolfsfacenearhim.Heusedhisfisthitthefaceofthewolfstrongly.Seeingthewolfsfacesoclosetohim,hehititwithallhisstrength/heavilyusinghisfist.,出现的问题,准确性（用词；句子结构；语法；符合情景否？

）,基本语法错误不规则动词（P106）though/butdangerous/indangerthanksto/thanks,出现的问题,准确性（用词；句子结构；语法；符合情景否？

）,1“Hey,friend!

Calmdown!

Jumpoutofyourbicycleandgetintoourcar!

”shoutedPaul.2Afewminuteslater,thepolicearrived.3妻子带着孩子过来了。

4送医院去了。

5骑自行车一会儿就到家了。

描写恐惧Thoughhewassafe,hestillfeltthedreadstoppingthepassageofairtohislung,withhislegstrembling.Atthesightoftheferociouswolf,Ifeltsoscaredthatmythroattightenedandmykneesfeltweak.Atthesightoftheferociouswolf,Ifrozewithterror,tooscaredtomoveaninch.Atthesightoftheferociouswolf,Iwasseizedbyastrongsenseofhorrorandmypalmsweresweating.Itwasreallyamomentoflifeanddeath.Sittinginthecar,hestillfelthisheartbeatingwildly.Hesatthere,toofrightenedtoutteraword.,描写恐惧Hesattherewithhishandstremblingforquiteawhile.Hesatthere,allwetthroughbecauseoftheextremefright.Hesatthere,hisfacetotallypale.,