雪莉桑德伯格英文演讲.docx

雪莉桑德伯格英文演讲.docx

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雪莉桑德伯格英文演讲

Thankyou,Marie.Andthankyouesteemedmembersofthefaculty,proudparents,devotedfriends,squirmingsiblings.Congratulationstoallofyou...andespeciallytothemagnificentBerkeleygraduatingclassof2016!

ItisaprivilegetobehereatBerkeley,whichhasproducedsomanyNobelPrizewinners,TuringAwardwinners,astronauts,membersofCongress,Olympicgoldmedalists....andthat’sjustthewomen!

Berkeleyhasalwaysbeenaheadofthetimes.Inthe1960s,youledtheFreeSpeechMovement.Backinthosedays,peopleusedtosaythatwithallthelonghair,howdoweeventelltheboysfromthegirls?

Wenowknowtheanswer:

manbuns.

Earlyon,Berkeleyopeneditsdoorstotheentirepopulation.Whenthiscampusopenedin1873,theclassincluded167menand222women.Ittookmyalmamateranotherninetyyearstoawardasingledegreetoasinglewoman.OneofthewomenwhocamehereinsearchofopportunitywasRosalindNuss.RozgrewupscrubbingfloorsintheBrooklynboardinghousewhereshelived.Shewaspulledoutofhighschoolbyherparentstohelpsupporttheirfamily.Oneofherteachersinsistedthatherparentsputherbackintoschool—andin1937,shesatwhereyouaresittingtodayandreceivedaBerkeleydegree.Rozwasmygrandmother.ShewasahugeinspirationtomeandI’msogratefulthatBerkeleyrecognizedherpotential.

Iwanttotakeamomenttoofferaspecialcongratulationstothemanyheretodaywhoarethefirstgenerationintheirfamiliestograduatefromcollege.Whataremarkableachievement.

Todayisadayofcelebration.Adaytocelebrateallthehardworkthatgotyoutothismoment.Todayisadayofthanks.Adaytothankthosewhohelpedyougethere—nurturedyou,taughtyou,cheeredyouon,anddriedyourtears.Oratleasttheoneswhodidn’tdrawonyouwithaSharpiewhenyoufellasleepataparty.

Todayisadayofreflection.Becausetodaymarkstheendofoneeraofyourlifeandthebeginningofsomethingnew.Acommencementaddressismeanttobeadancebetweenyouthandwisdom.Youhavetheyouth.Someonecomesintobethevoiceofwisdom—that’ssupposedtobeme.

IstanduphereandtellyouallthethingsIhavelearnedinlife,youthrowyourcapintheair,youletyour2familytakeamillionphotos–don’tforgettopostthemonInstagram—andeveryonegoeshomehappy.

Todaywillbeabitdifferent.Wewillstilldothecapsandyoustillhavetodothephotos.ButIamnotheretotellyouallthethingsI’velearnedinlife.

TodayIwilltrytotellyouwhatIlearnedindeath.Ihaveneverspokenpubliclyaboutthisbefore.It’shard.ButIwilldomyverybestnottoblowmynoseonthisbeautifulBerkeleyrobe.

Oneyearandthirteendaysago,Ilostmyhusband,Dave.Hisdeathwassuddenandunexpected.Wewereatafriend’sfiftiethbirthdaypartyinMexico.Itookanap.Davewenttoworkout.Whatfollowedwastheunthinkable—walkingintoagymtofindhimlyingonthefloor.Flyinghometotellmychildrenthattheirfatherwasgone.Watchinghiscasketbeingloweredintotheground.Formanymonthsafterward,andatmanytimessince,Iwasswallowedupinthedeepfogofgrief—whatIthinkofasthevoid—anemptinessthatfillsyourheart,yourlungs,constrictsyourabilitytothinkoreventobreathe.

Dave’sdeathchangedmeinveryprofoundways.Ilearnedaboutthedepthsofsadnessandthebrutalityofloss.ButIalsolearnedthatwhenlifesucksyouunder,youcankickagainstthebottom,breakthesurface,andbreatheagain.Ilearnedthatinthefaceofthevoid—orinthefaceofanychallenge—youcanchoosejoyandmeaning.

I’msharingthiswithyouinthehopesthattoday,asyoutakethenextstepinyourlife,youcanlearnthelessonsthatIonlylearnedindeath.Lessonsabouthope,strength,andthelightwithinusthatwillnotbeextinguished.

EveryonewhohasmadeitthroughCalhasalreadyexperiencedsomedisappointment.YouwantedanAbutyougotaB.OK,let’sbehonest—yougotanA--butyou’restillmad.YouappliedforaninternshipatFacebook,butyouonlygotonefromGoogle.Shewastheloveofyourlife...butthensheswipedleft.GameofThronestheshowhasdivergedwaytoomuchfromthebooks—andyoubotheredtoreadallfourthousandthreehundredandfifty--twopages.

Youwillalmostcertainlyfacemoreanddeeperadversity.There’slossofopportunity:

thejobthatdoesn’tworkout,theillnessoraccidentthatchangeseverythinginaninstant.There’slossofdignity:

thesharpstingofprejudicewhenithappens.There’slossoflove:

thebrokenrelationshipsthatcan’tbefixed.Andsometimesthere’slossoflifeitself.Someofyouhavealreadyexperiencedthekindoftragedyandhardshipthatleaveanindeliblemark.

Lastyear,Radhika,thewinneroftheUniversityMedal,spokesobeautifullyaboutthesuddenlossofhermother.Thequestionisnotifsomeofthesethingswillhappentoyou.Theywill.todayIwanttotalkaboutwhathappensnext.Aboutthethingsyoucandotoovercomeadversity,nomatterwhatformittakesorwhenithitsyou.

Theeasydaysaheadofyouwillbeeasy.Itistheharddays—thetimesthatchallengeyoutoyourverycore—thatwilldeterminewhoyouare.Youwillbedefinednotjustbywhatyouachieve,butbyhowyousurvive.

AfewweeksafterDavedied,IwastalkingtomyfriendPhilaboutafather--sonactivitythatDavewasnotheretodo.WecameupwithaplantofillinforDave.Icriedtohim,“ButIwantDave.”Philputhisarmaroundmeandsaid,“OptionAisnotavailable.Solet’sjustkicktheshitoutofoptionB.”

WeallatsomepointlivesomeformofoptionB.Thequestionis:

Whatdowedothen?

AsarepresentativeofSiliconValley,I’mpleasedtotellyouthereisdatatolearnfrom.Afterspendingdecadesstudyinghowpeopledealwithsetbacks,psychologistMartinSeligmanfoundthattherearethreeP’s—personalization,pervasiveness,andpermanence—thatarecriticaltohowwebouncebackfromhardship.

Theseedsofresilienceareplantedinthewayweprocessthenegativeeventsinourlives.ThefirstPispersonalization—thebeliefthatweareatfault.Thisisdifferentfromtakingresponsibility,whichyoushouldalwaysdo.Thisisthelessonthatnoteverythingthathappenstoushappensbecauseofus.WhenDavedied,Ihadaverycommonreaction,whichwastoblamemyself.Hediedinsecondsfromacardiacarrhythmia.IpouredoverhismedicalrecordsaskingwhatIcouldhave—orshouldhave—done.Itwan’tuntilIlearnedaboutthethreeP’sthatIacceptedthatIcouldnothavepreventedhisdeath.Hisdoctorshadnotidentifiedhiscoronaryarterydisease.Iwasaneconomicsmajor;howcouldIhave?

Studiesshowthatgettingpastpersonalizationcanactuallymakeyoustronger.Teacherswhoknewtheycoulddobetterafterstudentsfailedadjustedtheirmethodsandsawfutureclassesgoontoexcel.Collegeswimmerswhounderperformedbutbelievedtheywerecapableofswimmingfasterdid.Nottakingfailurespersonallyallowsustorecover—andeventothrive.

ThesecondPispervasiveness—thebeliefthataneventwillaffectallareasofyourlife.Youknowthatsong“Everythingisawesome?

”Thisistheflip:

“Everythingisawful.”There’snoplacetorunorhidefromtheall--consumingsadness.ThechildpsychologistsIspoketoencouragedmetogetmykidsbacktotheirroutineassoonaspossible.

SotendaysafterDavedied,theywentbacktoschoolandIwentbacktowork.IremembersittinginmyfirstFacebookmeetinginadeep,deephaze.AllIcouldthinkwas,“Whatiseveryonetalkingaboutandhowcouldthispossiblymatter?

”ButthenIgotdrawnintothediscussionandforasecond—abriefsplitsecond—Iforgotaboutdeath.

Thatbriefsecondhelpedmeseethattherewereotherthingsinmylifethatwerenotawful.MychildrenandIwerehealthy.Myfriendsandfamilyweresolovingandtheycarriedus—quiteliterallyattimes.Thelossofapartneroftenhasseverenegativefinancialconsequences,especiallyforwomen.Somanysinglemothers—andfathers—struggletomakeendsmeetorhavejobsthatdon’tallowthemthetimetheyneedtocarefortheirchildren.Ihadfinancialsecurity,theabilitytotakethetimeoffIneeded,andajobthatIdidnotjustbelievein,butwhereit’sactuallyOKtospendalldayonFacebook.Gradually,mychildrenstartedsleepingthroughthenight,cryingless,playingmore.

ThethirdPispermanence—thebeliefthatthesorrowwilllastforever.Formonths,nomatterwhatIdid,itfeltlikethecrushinggriefwouldalwaysbethere.Weoftenprojectourcurrentfeelingsoutindefinitely—andexperiencewhatIthinkofasthesecondderivativeofthosefeelings.Wefeelanxious—andthenwefeelanxiousthatwe’reanxious.Wefeelsad—andthenwefeelsadthatwe’resad.Instead,weshouldacceptourfeelings—butrecognizethattheywillnotlastforever.

MyrabbitoldmethattimewouldhealbutfornowIshould“leanintothesuck.”Itwasgoodadvice,butnotreallywhatImeantby“leanin.”NoneofyouneedmetoexplainthefourthP...whichis,ofcourse,pizzafromCheeseBoard.

ButIwishIhadknownaboutthethreeP’swhenIwasyourage.Thereweresomanytimestheselessonswouldhavehelped.Dayoneofmyfirstjoboutofcollege,mybossfoundoutthatIdidn’tknowhowtoenterdataintoLotus1--2--3.That’saspreadsheet—askyourparents.

Hismouthdroppedopenandhesaid,‘Ican’tbelieveyougotthisjobwithoutknowingthat”—andthenwalkedoutoftheroom.IwenthomeconvincedthatIwasgoingtobefired.IthoughtIwasterribleateverything...butitturnsoutIwasonlyterr