Ted演讲二十几岁是不可挥霍的光阴全文.docx

Ted演讲二十几岁是不可挥霍的光阴全文.docx

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Ted演讲二十几岁是不可挥霍的光阴全文

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Ted演讲：

二十几岁是不可挥霍的光阴「全文」（共9页）

Ted演讲：

二十几岁是不可挥霍的光阴「全文」

这是一篇由网络搜集整理的关于Ted演讲：

二十几岁是不可挥霍的光阴「全文」的文档，希望对你能有帮助。

　　为什么要听她演讲

　　近期观点认为，25岁似乎太过年轻，无法做重大决定。

临床心理学家MegJay藉由心理学实务和着作《20世代，你的人生是不是卡住了》阐述，许多二十世代深陷《时代》杂志所谓「我我我世代」的迷思和误导中。

她认为「三十世代是新二十世代」的说法使人们轻忽成年阶段最具可塑性的时光。

　　撷取十余年来与数百名二十世代个案及学生咨商的经验，Jay将科学融入一段段引人入胜、不为人知的故事中。

精彩、生动的故事发展，显示为何二十世代并非发展停滞期，而是仅此一次的发展高峰。

二十世代是个关键期，我们所做之事-及未做之事-对未来人生、甚至后代都将产生巨大影响。

　　MegJay：

二十几岁，不可挥霍的光阴

　　WhenIwasinmy20s,Isawmyveryfirstpsychotherapyclient.Iwasa.studentinclinicalpsychologyatBerkeley.Shewasa26-year-oldwomannamedAlex.NowAlexwalkedintoherfirstsessionwearingjeansandabigslouchytop,andshedroppedontothecouchinmyofficeandkickedoffherflatsandtoldmeshewastheretotalkaboutguyproblems.NowwhenIheardthis,Iwassorelieved.Myclassmategotanarsonistforherfirstclient.（Laughter）AndIgotatwentysomethingwhowantedtotalkaboutboys.ThisIthoughtIcouldhandle.

　　ButIdidn'thandleit.WiththefunnystoriesthatAlexwouldbringtosession,itwaseasyformejusttonodmyheadwhilewekickedthecandowntheroad."Thirty'sthenew20,"Alexwouldsay,andasfarasIcouldtell,shewasright.Workhappenedlater,marriagehappenedlater,kidshappenedlater,evendeathhappenedlater.TwentysomethingslikeAlexandIhadnothingbuttime.

　　Butbeforelong,mysupervisorpushedmetopushAlexaboutherlovelife.Ipushedback.

　　Isaid,"Sure,she'sdatingdown,she'ssleepingwithaknucklehead,butit'snotlikeshe'sgoingtomarrytheguy."

　　Andthenmysupervisorsaid,"Notyet,butshemightmarrythenextone.Besides,thebesttimetoworkonAlex'smarriageisbeforeshehasone."

　　That'swhatpsychologistscallan"Aha!

"moment.ThatwasthemomentIrealized,30isnotthenew20.Yes,peoplesettledownlaterthantheyusedto,butthatdidn'tmakeAlex's20sadevelopmentaldowntime.ThatmadeAlex's20sadevelopmentalsweetspot,andweweresittingthereblowingit.ThatwaswhenIrealizedthatthissortofbenignneglectwasarealproblem,andithadrealconsequences,notjustforAlexandherlovelifebutforthecareersandthefamiliesandthefuturesoftwentysomethingseverywhere.

　　Thereare50milliontwentysomethingsintheUnitedStatesrightnow.We'retalkingabout15percentofthepopulation,or100percentifyouconsiderthatnoone'sgettingthroughadulthoodwithoutgoingthroughtheir20sfirst.

　　Raiseyourhandifyou'reinyour20s.Ireallywanttoseesometwentysomethingshere.Oh,yay!

Y'all'sawesome.Ifyouworkwithtwentysomethings,youloveatwentysomething,you'relosingsleepovertwentysomethings,Iwanttosee—Okay.Awesome,twentysomethingsreallymatter.

　　SoIspecializeintwentysomethingsbecauseIbelievethateverysingleoneofthose50milliontwentysomethingsdeservestoknowwhatpsychologists,sociologists,neurologistsandfertilityspecialistsalreadyknow:

thatclaimingyour20sisoneofthesimplest,yetmosttransformative,thingsyoucandoforwork,forlove,foryourhappiness,maybeevenfortheworld.

　　Thisisnotmyopinion.Thesearethefacts.Weknowthat80percentoflife'smostdefiningmomentstakeplacebyage35.Thatmeansthateightoutof10ofthedecisionsandexperiencesand"Aha!

"momentsthatmakeyourlifewhatitiswillhavehappenedbyyourmid-30s.Peoplewhoareover40,don'tpanic.Thiscrowdisgoingtobefine,Ithink.Weknowthatthefirst10yearsofacareerhasanexponentialimpactonhowmuchmoneyyou'regoingtoearn.WeknowthatmorethanhalfofAmericansaremarriedorarelivingwithordatingtheirfuturepartnerby30.Weknowthatthebraincapsoffitssecondandlastgrowthspurtinyour20sasitrewiresitselfforadulthood,whichmeansthatwhateveritisyouwanttochangeaboutyourself,nowisthetimetochangeit.Weknowthatpersonalitychangesmoreduringyour20sthanatanyothertimeinlife,andweknowthatfemalefertilitypeaksatage28,andthingsgettrickyafterage35.Soyour20sarethetimetoeducateyourselfaboutyourbodyandyouroptions.

　　Sowhenwethinkaboutchilddevelopment,weallknowthatthefirstfiveyearsareacriticalperiodforlanguageandattachmentinthebrain.It'satimewhenyourordinary,day-to-daylifehasaninordinateimpactonwhoyouwillbecome.Butwhatwehearlessaboutisthatthere'ssuchathingasadultdevelopment,andour20sarethatcriticalperiodofadultdevelopment.

　　Butthisisn'twhattwentysomethingsarehearing.Newspaperstalkaboutthechangingtimetableofadulthood.Researcherscallthe20sanextendedadolescence.Journalistscoinsillynicknamesfortwentysomethingslike"twixters"and"kidults."It'strue.Asaculture,wehavetrivializedwhatisactuallythedefiningdecadeofadulthood.

　　LeonardBernsteinsaidthattoachievegreatthings,youneedaplanandnotquiteenoughtime.Isn'tthattrueSowhatdoyouthinkhappenswhenyoupatatwentysomethingontheheadandyousay,"Youhave10extrayearstostartyourlife"Nothinghappens.Youhaverobbedthatpersonofhisurgencyandambition,andabsolutelynothinghappens.

　　Andtheneveryday,smart,interestingtwentysomethingslikeyouorlikeyoursonsanddaughterscomeintomyofficeandsaythingslikethis:

"Iknowmyboyfriend'snogoodforme,butthisrelationshipdoesn'tcount.I'mjustkillingtime."Ortheysay,"EverybodysaysaslongasIgetstartedonacareerbythetimeI'm30,I'llbefine."

　　Butthenitstartstosoundlikethis:

"My20sarealmostover,andIhavenothingtoshowformyself.IhadabetterrésuméthedayafterIgraduatedfromcollege."

　　Andthenitstartstosoundlikethis:

"Datinginmy20swaslikemusicalchairs.Everybodywasrunningaroundandhavingfun,butthensometimearound30itwaslikethemusicturnedoffandeverybodystartedsittingdown.Ididn'twanttobetheonlyoneleftstandingup,sosometimesIthinkImarriedmyhusbandbecausehewastheclosestchairtomeat30."

　　Wherearethetwentysomethingshere

Donotdothat.

　　Okay,nowthatsoundsalittleflip,butmakenomistake,thestakesareveryhigh.Whenalothasbeenpushedtoyour30s,thereisenormousthirtysomethingpressuretojump-startacareer,pickacity,partnerup,andhavetwoorthreekidsinamuchshorterperiodoftime.Manyofthesethingsareincompatible,andasresearchisjuststartingtoshow,simplyharderandmorestressfultodoallatonceinour30s.

　　Thepost-millennialmidlifecrisisisn'tbuyingaredsportscar.It'srealizingyoucan'thavethatcareeryounowwant.It'srealizingyoucan'thavethatchildyounowwant,oryoucan'tgiveyourchildasibling.Toomanythirtysomethingsandfortysomethingslookatthemselves,andatme,sittingacrosstheroom,andsayabouttheir20s,"WhatwasIdoingWhatwasIthinking"

　　Iwanttochangewhattwentysomethingsaredoingandthinking.

　　Here'sastoryabouthowthatcango.It'sastoryaboutawomannamedEmma.At25,Emmacametomyofficebecauseshewas,inherwords,havinganidentitycrisis.Shesaidshethoughtshemightliketoworkinartorentertainment,butshehadn'tdecidedyet,soshe'dspentthelastfewyearswaitingtablesinstead.Becauseitwascheaper,shelivedwithaboyfriendwhodisplayedhistempermorethanhisambition.Andashardasher20swere,herearlylifehadbeenevenharder.Sheoftencriedinoursessions,butthenwouldcollectherselfbysaying,"Youcan'tpickyourfamily,butyoucanpickyourfriends."

　　Welloneday,Emmacomesinandshehangsherheadinherlap,andshesobbedformostofthehour.She'djustboughtanewaddressbook,andshe'dspentthemorningfillinginhermanycontacts,butthenshe'dbeenleftstaringatthatemptyblankthatcomesafterthewords"Incaseofemergency,pleasecall...."Shewasnearlyhystericalwhenshelookedatmeandsaid,"Who'sgoingtobethereformeifIgetinacarwreckWho'sgoingtotakecareofmeifIhavecancer"

　　Nowinthatmoment,ittookeverythingIhadnottosay,"Iwill."ButwhatEmmaneededwasn'tsometherapistwhoreally,reallycared.Emmaneededabetterlife,andIknewthiswasherchance.IhadlearnedtoomuchsinceIfirstworkedwithAlextojustsittherewhileEmma'sdefiningdecadewentparadingby.

　　Sooverthenextweeksandmonths,ItoldEmmathreethingsthateverytwentysomething,maleorfemale,deservestohear.

　　First,ItoldEmmatoforgetabouthavinganidentitycrisisandgetsomeidentitycapital.Bygetidentitycapital,Imeandosomethingthataddsvaluetowhoyouare.Dosomethingthat'saninvestmentinwhoyoumightwanttobenext.Ididn'tknowthefutureofEmma'scareer,andnooneknowsthefutureofwork,butIdoknowthis:

Identitycapitalbegetsidentitycapital.Sonowisthetimeforthatcross-countryjob,thatinternship,thatstartupyouwanttotry.I'mnotdiscountingtwentysomethingexplorationhere,butIamdiscountingexplorationthat'snotsupposedtocount,which,bytheway,isnotexploration.That'sprocrastination.ItoldEmmatoexploreworkandmakeitcount.

　　Second,ItoldEmmathattheurbantribeisoverrated.Bestfriendsaregreatforgivingridestotheairport,buttwentysomethingswhohuddletogetherwithlike-mindedpeerslimitwhotheyknow,whattheyknow,howtheythink,howtheyspeak,andwheretheywork.Thatnewpieceofcapital,thatnewpersontodatealmostalwayscomesfromoutsidetheinnercircle.Newthingscomefromwhatarecalledourweakties,ourfriendsoffriendsoffriends.Soyes,halfoftwentysomethingsareun-orunder-employed.Buthalfaren't,andweaktiesarehowyougetyourselfintothatgroup.Halfofnewjobsareneverpost