TED演讲内向性格的力量.docx

TED演讲内向性格的力量.docx

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TED演讲内向性格的力量

WhenIwas9yearsold,Iwentofftosummercampforthefirsttime.Andmymotherpackedmeasuitcasefullofbooks,whichtomeseemedlikeaperfectlynaturalthingtodo,becauseinmyfamily,readingwastheprimarygroupactivity.Andthismightsoundantisocialtoyou,butforusitwasreallyjustadifferentwayofbeingsocial.Youhavetheanimalwarmthofyourfamilysittingrightnexttoyou,butyouarealsofreetogoroamingaroundtheadventurelandinsideyourownmind.AndIhadthisideathatcampwasgoingjustlikethis,butbetter.Ihadavisionof10girlssittinginacabincozilyreadingbooksintheirmatchingnightgowns.Campwasmorelikeakegpartywithoutanyalcohol.Andontheveryfirstday,ourcounselorgatheredusalltogetherandshetaughtusacheerthatshesaidwewouldbedoingeverydayforthetestofthesummertoinstillcampspirit.Anditwentlikethis:

R-O-W-D-I-E,that’sthewaywespellrowdy.Rowdy,rowdy,let’sgetrowdy.Yeah.SoIcouldn’tfigureoutforthelifeofmewhyweweresupposedtobesorowdy,orwhywehadtospellthiswordincorrectly,butIrecitedacheer.Irecitedacheeralongwitheverybodyelse.Ididmybest.AndIjustwaitedforthetimethatIcouldgooffandreadmybooks,butthefirsttimethatItookmybookoutofmysuitcase,thecoolestgirlinthebunkcameuptomeandsheaskedme,“Whyareyoubeingsomellow?

“Mellow,ofcourse,beingtheexactoppositeof“R-O-W-D-I-E”.AndthenthesecondtimeItiredit,thecounselorcameuptomewithaconcernedexpressiononherfaceandsherepeatedthepointaboutcampspiritandsaidweshouldallworkveryhardtobeoutgoing.AndsoIputmybooksaway,backintheirsuitcase,andIputthemundermybed,andtheretheystayedfortherestofthesummer.AndIfeltkindofguiltyaboutthis.Ifeltasifthebooksneededmesomehow,andtheyarecallingouttomeandIwasforsakingthem,butIdidforsakethemandIdidn’topenthatsuitcaseagainuntilIwasbackhomewithmyfamilyattheendofthesummer.

Now,Itellyouthisstoryaboutsummercamp.Icouldhavetoldyou50otherjustlikeit,allthetimethatIgotthemessagethatsomehowmyquietandintrovertedstyleofbeingwasnotnecessarilytherightwaytogo,thatIshouldbetryingtopassasmoreofanextrovert.AndIalwayssenseddeepdownthatthiswaswrongandthatintrovertswereprettyexcellentjustastheywere,butforyearsIdeniedthisintuition,andsoIbecomeaWallStreetlawyer,ofallthings,insteadofthewriterthatIhadalwayslongedtobe,partlybecauseIneededtoprovemyselfthatIcouldbeboldandassertivetoo.AndIwasalwaysgoingofftocrowdedbarswhenIreallywouldhavepreferredtojusthaveanicedinnerwithfriends.AndImadetheseself-negatingchoicessoreflexively,thatIwasn’tevenawarethatIwasmakingthem.

Nowthisiswhatmanyintrovertsdo,andit’sourlossforsure,butitisalsoourcolleagues’lossandourcommunities’loss.Andattheriskofsoundinggrandiose,itistheworld’sloss,becausewhenitcomestocreativityandtoleadership,weneedintrovertsdoingwhattheydobest.Athirdtoahalfofthepopulationisintroverts,athirdtoahalf.Sothat’soneoutofeverytwoorthreepeopleyouknow.Soevenifyou’reanextrovertyourself,youknowI’talkingaboutyourcoworkersandyourspousesandyourchildrenandthepersonsittingnexttoyourightnow,allofthemsubjecttothisbiasthatisprettydeepandrealinoursociety.Weallinternalizeitfromaveryearlyagewithoutevenhavingalanguageforwhatwe’redoing.

Nowtoseethebiasclearlyyouneedtounderstandwhatintroversionis.Andit’sdifferentfrombeingshy.Shynessisaboutfearofsocialjudgment.Introversionismoreabout,howdoyourespondtostimulation,includingsocialstimulation.Soextrovertsreallycravelargeamountsofstimulation,whereasintrovertsfeelattheirmostaliveandtheirmostswitchedonandtheirmostcapablewhenthey’reinquiet,morelow-keyenvironments.Notallthetime,youknowthesethingsaren’tabsolute,butalotofthetime.

Sothekeythentomaximizingourtalentsisforusalltoputourselvesinthezoneofstimulationthatisrightforus.Butnowhere’swherethebiascomesin.Ourmostimportantinstitutions,ourschoolsandourworkplaces,theyaredesignedmostlyforextroverts,andforextroverts’needforlotsofstimulation.Andalsowearelivingthroughthisbeliefsystem.WehavethisbeliefsystemrightnowthatIcallthenewgroupthink,whichholdsthatallcreativityandallproductivitycomefromaveryoddlygregariousplace.

Soifyoupicturethetypicalclassroomnowadays:

WhenIwasgoingtoschool,wesatinrows.Youknow,wesatinrowsofdeskslikethis,andwedidmostofourworkprettyautonomously,butnowadays,yourtypicalclassroomhaspodsofdesks,fourorfiveorsixorsevenkidsallfacingeachother.Andkidsareworkingincountlessgroupassignments.Eveninsubjectslikemathandcreativewriting,whichyouthink,woulddependonsoloflightsofthought.Kidsarenowexpectedtoactascommitteemembers.Andforthekidswhoprefertogooffbythemselvesorjusttoworkalone,thosekidsareseenasoutliersoften,orworse,asproblemcases.Andthevastmajorityofteachers’reportsbelievingthattheidealstudentisanextrovertasopposedtoanintrovert,eventhoughintrovertsactuallygetbettergradesandaremoreknowledgeable,accordingtoresearch.

Okay,samethingistrueinourworkplaces.Wenow,mostofusworkinopenplanoffices,withoutwalls,wherewearesubjecttotheconstantnoiseandgazeofourcoworkers.Andwhenitcomestoleadership,introvertsareroutinelypassedoverforleadershippositions,eventhoughintrovertstendtobeverycareful,muchlesslikelytotakeoutsizerisks,whichissomethingwemightallfavornowadays.AndinterestingresearchbyAdamGrantattheWhartonSchoolhasfoundthatintrovertedleadersoftendeliverbetteroutcomesthanextrovertsdo,becausewhentheyaremanagingproactiveemployees,they’remuchmorelikelytoletthoseemployeesrunwiththeirideas,whereasanextrovertcan,quiteunwittingly,getsoexcitedaboutthingsthatthey’reputtingtheirownstamponthings,andotherpeople’sideasmightnotaseasilythenbubbleuptothesurface.

Nowinfact,someofourtransformativeleadersinhistoryhavebeenintroverts.I’llgiveyousomeexamples.EleanorRoosevelt,RosaParks,Gandhi,allthesepeopledescribedthemselvesasquietandsoft-spokenandevenshy.Andtheyalltookthespotlight,eventhougheveryboneintheirbodieswastellingthemnotto.Andthisturnsouttohaveaspecialpowerallitsown,becausepeoplecouldfeeltheseleaderswereatthehelm,notbecausetheyenjoyeddirectingothersandnotoutofthepleasureofbeinglookedat.Theyweretherebecausetheyhadnochoice;becausetheyweredriventodowhattheythoughtwasright.

NowIthinkatthispointit’simportantformetosaythatIactuallyloveextroverts.Ialwaysliketosaysomeofmybestfriendsareextrovertincludingmybelovedhusband.Andweallfallatdifferentpoints,ofcourse,alongtheintrovert/extrovertspectrum.

EvenCarlJung,thepsychologistwhofirstpopularizedtheseterms,saidthatthere’snosuchthingasapureintrovertorapureextrovert.Hesaidthatsuchamanwouldbeinalunaticasylum,ifheexistedatall.Andsomepeoplefallsmackinthemiddleoftheintrovert/extrovertspectrum,andwecallthesepeopleambiverts.

AndIoftenthinkthattheyhavethebestofallworlds,butmanyofusdorecognizeourselvesasonetypeortheother.AndwhatI’msayingisthatculturallyweneedamuchbetterbalance.Weneedmoreofayinandyangbetweenthesetwotypes.Thisisespeciallyimportantwhenitcomestocreativityandtoproductivity,becausewhenpsychologistslookatthelivesofthemostcreativepeople,whattheyfindarepeoplewhoareverygoodatexchangingideasandadvancingideas,butalsohaveaseriousstreakofintroversioninthem.Andthisisbecausesolitudeisacrucialingredientoftentocreativity.

SoDarwin,hetooklongwalksaloneinthewoodsandemphaticallyturneddowndinnerpartyinvitations.

TheodorGeisel,betterknownasDr.Seuss,hedreamedupmanyofhisamazingcreationsinalonelybelltowerofficethathehadinthebackofhishouseinLaJolla,California.AndhewasactuallyafraidtomeettheyoungchildrenwhoreadhisbooksforfearthattheywereexpectinghimthiskindofjollySantaClaus-likefigureandwouldbedisappointedwithhismorereservedpersona.

SteveWozniakinventedthefirstApplecomputersittingaloneinhiscubicalinHewlett-Packardwherehewasworkingatthetime.Andhesaysthatheneverwouldhavebecomesuchanexpertinthefirstplacehadhenotbeentoointrovertedtoleavethehousewhenhewasgrowingup.

Nowofcourse,thisdoesnotmeanthatweshouldallstopcollaborating,andcaseinpointisSteveWozniakfamouslycomingtogetherwithSteveJobstostartAppleComputer,butitdoesmeanthatsolitudemattersandthatforsomepeopleitistheairthattheybreathe.Andinthefact,wehaveknownforcenturiesaboutthetranscendentpowerofsolitude.It’sonlyrecentlythatwe’vestrangelybeguntoforgetit.Ifyoulookatmostoftheworld’smajorreligions,youwillfindseekers,Moses,Jesus,Buddha,Muhammad,seederswhoaregoingoffbythemselvesalonetothewildernesswheretheythenhaveprofoundepiphaniesandrevelationsthattheythenbringbacktotherestofthecommunity.Sonowildness,norevelations.

Thisisnosurprisethoughifyoulookattheinsightsofcontemporarypsychology.Itturnsoutthatwecan’tevenbein