7habitstree.docx

7habitstree.docx

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7habitstree

曾被美国《时代》周刊称为“25位最有影响力的美国人之一”的柯维先生，也就是我们熟悉的《高效能人士的7个习惯》的作者，曾经还专门针对孩子写过另外两本著作：

《The7HabitsofHappyKids》和《The7HabitsofHighlyEffectiveTeens》。

美国学校把它们归纳为孩子成长的“7棵习惯树”。

习惯1

Beproactive——you'reincharge

积极主动，我的人生我负责

习惯标准：

对自己负责，做事积极主动；管理自己的行为、态度和情绪；做了错事不怪别人，而应反省自己；不用别人说我也会去做正确的事情，哪怕没有人在看。

Iamaresponsibleperson.Itakeinitiative.Ichoosemyactions,attitudesandmoods.Idonotblameothersformywrongactions.Idotherightthingwithoutbeingasked,evenwhennooneislooking.

操作实例：

曾经很长一段时间都是我在帮逃逃准备第二天上学的书包，后来发现适得其反。

有一次我没在家，他就完全蒙了，第二天上课要交的作业、要用的文具都没装进书包，这让我感觉他对我的过分依赖。

后来我用两天的时间，让他看着我收拾书包，然后让他自己装，最后再检查一遍，告诉他有什么东西漏掉了，经过一周的训练，他完全可以自己收拾书包了。

接着，我把越来越多的事情交给他自己负责，比如收拾玩具房、洗自己的袜子、甚至帮忙制定假期自驾游路线等，很多家长怕把事情交给孩子会弄遭，可是谁第一次做事不是迷迷糊糊的呢？

多给他一些尝试的机会，慢慢地，你会发现孩子的能力超乎你的想象！

Yourlifedoesn'tjust"happen."Whetheryouknowitornot,itiscarefullydesignedbyyou.Thechoices,afterall,areyours.Youchoosehappiness.Youchoosesadness.Youchoosedecisiveness.Youchooseambivalence.Youchoosesuccess.Youchoosefailure.Youchoosecourage.Youchoosefear.Justrememberthateverymoment,everysituation,providesanewchoice.Andindoingso,itgivesyouaperfectopportunitytodothingsdifferentlytoproducemorepositiveresults.

Habit1:

BeProactiveisabouttakingresponsibilityforyourlife.Youcan'tkeepblamingeverythingonyourparentsorgrandparents.Proactivepeoplerecognizethattheyare"response-able."Theydon'tblamegenetics,circumstances,conditions,orconditioningfortheirbehavior.Theyknowtheychoosetheirbehavior.Reactivepeople,ontheotherhand,areoftenaffectedbytheirphysicalenvironment.Theyfindexternalsourcestoblamefortheirbehavior.Iftheweatherisgood,theyfeelgood.Ifitisn't,itaffectstheirattitudeandperformance,andtheyblametheweather.Alloftheseexternalforcesactasstimulithatwerespondto.Betweenthestimulusandtheresponseisyourgreatestpower--youhavethefreedomtochooseyourresponse.Oneofthemostimportantthingsyouchooseiswhatyousay.Yourlanguageisagoodindicatorofhowyouseeyourself.Aproactivepersonusesproactivelanguage--Ican,Iwill,Iprefer,etc.Areactivepersonusesreactivelanguage--Ican't,Ihaveto,ifonly.Reactivepeoplebelievetheyarenotresponsibleforwhattheysayanddo--theyhavenochoice.

Insteadofreactingtoorworryingaboutconditionsoverwhichtheyhavelittleornocontrol,proactivepeoplefocustheirtimeandenergyonthingstheycancontrol.Theproblems,challenges,andopportunitieswefacefallintotwoareas--CircleofConcernandCircleofInfluence.

ProactivepeoplefocustheireffortsontheirCircleofInfluence.Theyworkonthethingstheycandosomethingabout:

health,children,problemsatwork.ReactivepeoplefocustheireffortsintheCircleofConcern--thingsoverwhichtheyhavelittleornocontrol:

thenationaldebt,terrorism,theweather.Gaininganawarenessoftheareasinwhichweexpendourenergiesinisagiantstepinbecomingproactive.

习惯2

Beginwiththeendinmind-Haveaplan

有目标，有计划

习惯标准：

做事前先定计划和目标，努力去做有意义和能带来积极影响的事。

Iplanaheadandsetgoals.Idothingsthathavemeaningandmakeadifference.Iamanimportantpartofmyclassroomandcontributetomyschool'smissionandvision.Ilookwaystobeagoodcitizen.

操作实例：

上周拜访了一同行，他们团队有位从美国回来过暑假实习的学生，他说这位实习生最大的特点是，每次给她分配任务时，她第一个问题肯定是“forwhat?

”以终为始，目标感很强，然后就是定计划，列清单，所以每次都把任务完成得很出色。

逃逃刚放暑假，我就和他一起列了张计划表，把想做的事情列下来，再写出要做这个事的目标和计划是什么，主要分为以下几个问题：

你打算做一件什么事？

做这件事的目的和意义是什么？

通过做这件事想要达到什么样的效果和结果？

计划用多长时间做完这件事？

So,whatdoyouwanttobewhenyougrowup?

Thatquestionmayappearalittletrite,butthinkaboutitforamoment.Areyou--rightnow--whoyouwanttobe,whatyoudreamedyou'dbe,doingwhatyoualwayswantedtodo?

Behonest.Sometimespeoplefindthemselvesachievingvictoriesthatareempty--successesthathavecomeattheexpenseofthingsthatwerefarmorevaluabletothem.Ifyourladderisnotleaningagainsttherightwall,everystepyoutakegetsyoutothewrongplacefaster. 

Habit2isbasedonimagination--theabilitytoenvisioninyourmindwhatyoucannotatpresentseewithyoureyes.Itisbasedontheprinciplethatallthingsarecreatedtwice.Thereisamental（first）creation,andaphysical（second）creation.Thephysicalcreationfollowsthemental,justasabuildingfollowsablueprint.Ifyoudon'tmakeaconsciousefforttovisualizewhoyouareandwhatyouwantinlife,thenyouempowerotherpeopleandcircumstancestoshapeyouandyourlifebydefault.It'saboutconnectingagainwithyourownuniquenessandthendefiningthepersonal,moral,andethicalguidelineswithinwhichyoucanmosthappilyexpressandfulfillyourself.BeginwiththeEndinMindmeanstobegineachday,task,orprojectwithaclearvisionofyourdesireddirectionanddestination,andthencontinuebyflexingyourproactivemusclestomakethingshappen. 

OneofthebestwaystoincorporateHabit2intoyourlifeistodevelopaPersonalMissionStatement.Itfocusesonwhatyouwanttobeanddo.Itisyourplanforsuccess.Itreaffirmswhoyouare,putsyourgoalsinfocus,andmovesyourideasintotherealworld.Yourmissionstatementmakesyoutheleaderofyourownlife.Youcreateyourowndestinyandsecurethefutureyouenvision.

习惯3

Putfirstthingsfirst-Workfirst,thenplay

做事分主次，先工作，后娱乐

习惯标准：

不该做的事，勇于说不，在重要的事情上花时间；学会制定优先级，做日程表，并执行计划；对自己有纪律，做事井井有条。

Ispendmytimeonthingsthataremostimportant.ThismeansIsaynotothingsIknowIshouldnotdo.Isetpriorities,makeaschedule,andfollowmyplan.Iamdisciplinedandorganized.

操作实例：

如果一件重要和一件紧要的事情放在你面前，你会先做哪个？

做事情要有优先级是美国孩子从小学一年级开始就受到的教育，点击这里查看美国一年级学的任务管理矩阵。

自从学会这个方法，逃逃便屡试不爽，开始把自己的事情规划得清清楚楚，相信时间一长，他便能迅速区分开，哪些事该做，哪些事不该做，该做的事先做哪个等等。

养成这个好习惯，能让孩子在整个成长过程中保持理性，更愉快高效地完成学习及生活中的各项事务。

Toliveamorebalancedexistence,youhavetorecognizethatnotdoingeverythingthatcomesalongisokay.There'snoneedtooverextendyourself.Allittakesisrealizingthatit'sallrighttosaynowhennecessaryandthenfocusonyourhighestpriorities. 

Habit1says,"You'reincharge.You'rethecreator."Beingproactiveisaboutchoice.Habit2isthefirst,ormental,creation.BeginningwiththeEndinMindisaboutvision.Habit3isthesecondcreation,thephysicalcreation.ThishabitiswhereHabits1and2cometogether.Ithappensdayinanddayout,moment-by-moment.Itdealswithmanyofthequestionsaddressedinthefieldoftimemanagement.Butthat'snotallit'sabout.Habit3isaboutlifemanagementaswell--yourpurpose,values,roles,andpriorities.Whatare"firstthings?

"Firstthingsarethosethingsyou,personally,findofmostworth.Ifyouputfirstthingsfirst,youareorganizingandmanagingtimeandeventsaccordingtothepersonalprioritiesyouestablishedinHabit2. 

习惯4

Thinkwin-win-Everyonecanwin

从双赢角度考虑问题，利己利人

习惯标准：

勇于争取自己想要的，但同时也会考虑别人的需求；有矛盾的时候，寻求能平衡彼此需求的解决方案。

IbalancecourageforgettingwhatIwantwithconsiderationforwhatotherswant.Imakedepositsinothers'EmotionalBankAccounts.Whenconflictsarise,Ilookforthirdalternatives.

操作实例：

几个月前，逃逃的小姨给他寄了一个玩具，刚好邻居家的小孩Jose也在，看到玩具后非常喜欢，就央求逃逃借给他玩几天，可逃逃怎么也不肯，还把玩具藏了起来。

一天放学后我看他兴致冲冲的把玩具拿出来玩，突然Jose也跑来了，他便立马把自己也躲进衣橱里。

事后我告诉他，应该thinkwin-win的方式来解决这个问题，不然你自己玩不好，Jose也不高兴，相当于lose-lose。

后来结果就是逃逃非常热情的把玩具带到Jose家，两人开开心心地一起玩了一下午，大家都win了。

ThinkWin-Winisn'taboutbeingnice,norisitaquick-fixtechnique.Itisacharacter-basedcodeforhumaninteractionandcollaboration. 

Mostofuslearntobaseourself-worthoncomparisonsandcompetition.Wethinkaboutsucceedingintermsofsomeoneelsefailing--thatis,ifIwin,youlose;orifyouwin,Ilose.Lifebecomesazero-sumgame.Thereisonlysomuchpietogoaround,andifyougetabigpiece,thereislessforme;it'snotfair,andI'mgoingtomakesureyoudon'tgetanymore.Weallplaythegame,buthowmuchfunisitreally?

Win-winseeslifeasacooperativearena,notacompetitiveone.Win-winisaframeofmindandheartthatconstantlyseeksmutualbenefitinallhumaninteractions.Win-winmeansagreementsorsolutionsaremutuallybeneficialandsatisfying.Webothgettoeatthepie,andittastesprettydarngood!

Apersonororganizationthatapproachesconflictswithawin-winattitudepossessesthreevitalcharactertraits:

1.Integrity:

stickingwithyourtruefeelings,values,andcommitments

2.Maturity:

expressingyourideasandfeelingswithcourageandconsiderationfortheideasandfeelingsofothers

3.AbundanceMentality:

believingthereisplentyforeveryone

Manypeoplethinkintermsofeither/or:

eitheryou'reniceoryou'retough.Win-winrequiresthatyoubeboth.Itisabalancingactbetweencourageandconsideration.Togoforwin-win,younotonlyhavetobeempathic,butyoualsohavetobeconfident.Younotonlyhavetobeconsiderateandsensitive,youalsohavetobebrave.Todothat--toachievethatbalancebetweencourageandconsideration--istheessenceofrealmaturityandisfundamentaltowin-win.

习惯5

Seekfirsttounderstand,thentobeunderstood

先去理解别人，再求被人理解

习惯标准：

仔细聆听别人的主意和情感，努力从他人角度去理解问题；听别人说话的时候不插嘴、不打扰，并注视他的眼睛；能自信地说出自己的主意。

Ilistentootherpeople'sideasandfeelings.Itrytoseethingsfromtheirviewpoints.Ilistentootherswithoutinterrupting.Iamconfidentinvoicingmyideas.Ilookpeopleintheeyeswhentalking.

操作实例：

用大家的老话说，这点就是学会站到对方的角度去考虑问题，先做到尊重别人，才会得到别人的尊重。

大家不妨在生活中试试“Showyourrespect”这句话，这句话是美国父母们经常给孩子说的，印象中听过好多次，后来我自己也学会了。

孩子们从小就会被要求和人沟通要认真听、不打断，你可以表示不同意，但是必须要showyourrespect。

Communicationisthemostimportantskillinlife.Youspendyearslearninghowtoreadandwrite,andyearslearninghowtospeak.Butwhataboutlistening?

Whattraininghaveyouhadthatenablesyoutolistensoyoureally,deep