The History of English in Ten Minutes Scripts.docx

The History of English in Ten Minutes Scripts.docx

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TheHistoryofEnglishinTenMinutesScripts

TheHistoryofEnglishinTenMinutes

Chapter1,Anglo-Saxon,orwhateverhappenedtotheJutes?

TheEnglishlanguagebeginswiththephrase“upyoursCaesar”,astheRomansleaveBritain,andalotofGermanictribesstartfloodingin,tribessuchastheAnglos,andtheSaxons,whotogethergaveusthetermtheAnglo-Saxon,andtheJutes,whodidn’t.

TheRomansleftsomeverystraightroadsbehind,butnotmuchoftheirLatinlanguage.TheAnglo-Saxonvocabwasmuchmoreuseful,asitwasmainlywordsforsimpleeverydaythingslikehouse,woman,loaf,andwerewolf.FourofourdaysoftheweekwerenamedinhonorofAnglo-Saxongods.Theydidn’tbotherwithSaturday,Sunday,andMonday,asthey’dallgoneoffforalongweekend.Whiletheywereaway,Christianmissionariesstolein,bringingwiththemleafletsaboutjumblesalesandmoreLatin.ChristianitywasahitwiththelocalsandmadethemmuchhappiertotakeonfunkynewwordsfromLatin,likemartyr,bishop,andfont.

AndalongcametheVikings,withtheiraction-manwordslikedrag,ransack,thrust,anddie.Theymayhaverapedandpillaged,buttheywerealsointogiveandtake.TwoofaroundtwothousandwordstheygaveEnglish,aswellasthephrase“Watchoutforthatman,withtheenormousax.”

TheHistoryofEnglishinTenMinutes

Chapter2,theNormanConquest,orExcusemyEnglish.

1066.Truetohisname,WilliamtheConquerorinvadesEngland,bringingnewconceptsfromacrossthechannel,liketheFrenchlanguage,theDoomsdayBook,theduty-freeGaloisemultipack.Frenchwasderigueurforallofficialbusiness,withwordslikejudge,jury,evidence,andjusticecominginandgivingJohnGrisham’scareerakickstart.Latinwasstillusedinadnauseaminchurch,butthecommonmanspokeEnglish,abletocommunicateonlybyspeakingmoreslowlyandloudlyuntiltheothersunderstoodhim.Wordslikecow,sheep,andswinecomefromtheEnglish-speakingfarmers,whilethea-la-carteversionsbeef,mutton,andporkcomefromtheFrench-speakingtoffs,beginningalong-runningtrendofrestaurantshavingcompletelyindecipherablemenus.Allinall,theEnglishabsorbedabouttenthousandnewwordsfromtheNormans,thoughtheystillcouldn’tgrasptherulesofcheekkissing.

ThebonhomieallendedwhentheEnglishnationtooktheirnewwarlikelingoofarmies,navies,andsoldiers,andbegantheHundredYearsWaragainstFrance.Itactuallylasted116years,butbythatpoint,noonecouldcountanyhigherinFrench,andEnglishtookoverasthelanguageofpower.

TheHistoryofEnglishinTenMinutes

Chapter3,ShakespeareoraPlaqueonBothofHisHouses.

Asthedictionarytellsus,abouttwothousandnewwordsandphraseswereinventedbyWilliamShakespeare.Hegaveushandywordslikeeyeball,puppydog,anchovy,andmoreshow-offywordslikedauntless,besmirch,andlacklustre.Hecameupwiththewordalligator,soonafterheranoutofthingstorhymewithcrocodile.Andanationofteadrinkersfinallytookhimtotheirheartswhenheinventedthehob-nob.

Shakespeareknewthepowerofcatchphrasesaswellasbiscuits.Withouthim,we’dnevereatourfleshandblood（TheMerchantofVenice）,outofhouseandhome（HenryIV）.We’dhavetosaygoodriddance（TroilusandCressida）tothegreen-eyedmonster（Othello）,andbreakingtheice（TheTamingoftheShrew）,wouldbeasdeadasadoornail（HenryIV）.Ifyoutriedtogetyourmoney’sworth（Love’sLabourLost）,you’dbegivenshortshrift（HenryIV）,andanyonewholaiditonwithatrowel（Hamlet）couldbehoistwithhisownpetard（AsYouLikeIt）.Ofcourse,itispossibleotherpeopleusedthesewordsfirst,butthedictionarywriterslikedlookingthemupinShakespearebecausetherewasmorecross-dressingandpeoplepokingeachother’seyesout.

Shakespeare‘spoetryshowedtheworldthatEnglishwasarich,vibrantlanguagewithlimitlessexpressiveandemotionalpowerandhestillhadtimetoopenallthosetearoomsinStratford.

TheHistoryofEnglishinTenMinutes

Chapter4,TheKingJamesBibleorLetTherebeLightReading.

In1611,thepowersthatbeturned（Romans）theworldupsidedown（Act）withthelabouroflove（Hebrew）,anewtranslationofthebible.AteamofscribeswiththewisdomofSolomon（Luke）wenttheextramile（Matthew）tomakeKingJamestranslationallthingstoallmen（1Corinthians）,whetherfromtheirheart’sdesire（Psalms）,tofightthegoodfight（1Timothy）,orjustforthefilthylucre（1Timothy）.Thissexynewbiblewentfromstrengthtostrength（Psalm）,gettingtotherootofthematter（Job）inalanguageeventhesaltoftheearth（Matthew）couldunderstand.Thewritingwasn’tonthewall（Daniel）,itwasinhandylittlebookswithfireandbrimstonepreachersreadingitineverychurch.Itswordsandphrasestookroottotheendsoftheearth（Zechariah）,oratleasttotheendsofBritain.TheKingJamesBibleisthebookthattaughtusthataleopardcan’tchangeitsspots,thatabirdinthehandisworthtwointhebush,thatawolfinsheep’sclothingishardertospotthanyouwouldimagine,andhowannoyingitistohaveaflyinyourointment.Infact,justasJonathanbegatMerib-Baal,andMerib-BaalbegatMicah,theKingJamesBiblebegatawholeglossaryofmetaphorandmoralitythatstillshapesthewayEnglishisspokentoday.Amen.

TheHistoryofEnglishinTenMinutes

Chapter5,theEnglishofScienceorHowtoSpeakwithGravity

Beforethe17thcentury,scientistsweren’treallyrecognizedpossiblybecauselabcoatshadyettocatchon.Butsuddenly,Britainwasfullofphysicists.TherewasRobertHooke,RobertBoyle,andevensomepeoplenotcalledRobert,likeIsaacNewton.TheRoyalSocietywasformedoutoftheInvisibleCollege,aftertheyputitdownsomewhereandcouldn’tfinditagain.

Atfirst,theyworkedinLatin.AftersittingthroughNewton’sstoryaboutthepomumfallingtotheterrafromthearborfortheumpteenthtime,thebrightsparksrealizedtheyallspokeEnglishandtheycouldtransformourunderstandingoftheuniversemuchquickerbytalkingintheirownlanguage.Butsciencewasdiscoveringthingsfasterthantheycouldnamethem.Wordslikeacid,gravity,electricity,andpendulumhadtobeinventedjusttostoptheirmeetingsturningintoanendlessgameofcharades.Liketeenageboys,thescientistssuddenlybecameawareofthebody,coiningnewwordslikecardiac,andtonsil,ovaryandsternum,andtheinventionofpenis,andvaginamadesexeducationclassesabiteasiertofollow,thoughclitoriswasstillasourceofconfusion.

TheHistoryofEnglishinTenMinutes

Chapter6,EnglishandEmpire,ortheSunNeverSetsontheEnglishLanguage

WithEnglishmakingitsnameasthelanguageofscience,theBible,andShakespeare,Britaindecidedtotakeitontour,askingonlyforland,wealth,naturalresourcestotalobediencetothecrownandafewlocalwordsinreturn.TheywenttotheCaribbeanlookingforgoldandachancetoreallyunwind,discoveringthebarbeque（c.1550）,thecanoe,andaprettygoodrecipeforrumpunch.Theyalsobroughtbackthewordcannibaltomaketheirtripsoundmoreexciting.

InIndia,therewassomethingforeveryone.Yoga（1820）tohelpyoustayinshapewhilepretendingtobespiritual.Ifthatdidn’twork,therewasthecummerbund（c.1610）tohidethepaunch.Andifyoucouldn’tevenmakeitupthestairswithoutturningcrimson（c.1500）,theyhadthebungalow（c.1670）.

MeanwhileinAfrica,theypickedupwordslikevoodoo（c.1850）andzombie（c.1871）,kickingofftheteenhorrorfilm.

FromAustralia,Englishtookthewordsnugget（）,boomerang,andwalkabout（1828）andinfact,thewholeconceptofchainpubs.

Allinall,betweentopplingNapoleonandtheFirstWorldWar,theBritishEmpiregobbleduparoundtenmillionsquaremiles,fourhundredmillionpeople,andnearlyahundredthousandginandtonics,leavingnewvarietiesofEnglishtodevelopallovertheglobe.

TheHistoryofEnglishinTenMinutes

Chapter7,theAgeoftheDictionary,ortheDefinitionofaHopelessTask

WithEnglishexpandinginalldirections,alongcameanewbreedofmencalledlexicographerswhowantedtoputanendtothisanarchy.Awordtheydefinedas“Whathappenswhenpeoplespellwordsslightlydifferentlyfromeachother?

”OneofthegreatestwasDr.Johnson,whoseDictionaryoftheEnglishLanguagetookhimnineyearstowrite（1746-1755）.Itwas18inchestallandcontained42,773entries,meaningthatevenifyoucouldn’tread,itwasstillprettyusefulifyouwantedtoreachahighshelf.Forthefirsttimewhenpeoplewerecallingyouapickle-herring,ajobbernowl,orafopdoodle,youcouldunderstandexactlywhattheymeant.Andyou’dhavetheconsolationofknowingtheywereallusingthestandardspelling.

Tryushemighttostopthem,wordskeptbeinginvented,andin1857,anewbookwasstartedthatwouldbecometheOxfordEnglishDictionary.Ittookanother70yearstobefinishedafterthefirsteditorresignedtobeanarchbishop,theseconddiedofTB,andthethirdwassoboringthathalfhisvolunteersquit,andoneofthemendedupinanasylum.Iteventuallyappearedin1928andhascontinuedtoberevisedeversinceprovingthewholeideathatyoucanstoppeoplemakingupwordsiscompletesnuffbumble.

TheHistoryofEnglishinTenMinutes

Chapter8,AmericanEnglishorNotEnglishbutSomewhereintheBallpark

FromthemomentBritsfirstlandedinAmerica,theyneedednamesforallthenewplantsandanimalssotheyborrowedwordslikeraccoons,squashandmoosefromtheNativeAmericansaswellasmostoftheirterritory.WavesofimmigrantsfedAmerica’shungerforwords.TheDutchcamesharing