老友记第一季第18集中英剧本.docx

老友记第一季第18集中英剧本.docx

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老友记第一季第18集中英剧本

老友记第一季第18集中英剧本

118TheOneWithAllThePoker

（ThewholegangishelpingRachelmailoutresumeswhilewhistlingthethemefromTheBridgeontheRiverKwai.）

Ross:

Uh,Rach,we'rerunninglowonresumesoverhere.

Monica:

DoyoureallywantajobwithPopularMechanics?

Chandler:

Well,ifyou'regonnaworkformechanics,thosearetheonestoworkfor.

Rachel:

Hey,look,youguys,I'mgoingforanythinghere,OK?

Icannotbeawaitressanymore,Imeanit.I'msickofthelousytips,I'msickofbeingcalled'Excuseme...'

Ross:

Rach,didyouproofreadthese?

Rachel:

Uh...yeah,why?

Ross:

Uh,nothing,I'msurethey'llbeimpressedwithyourexcellentcompuperskills.

Rachel:

（upset）OhmyGoood!

Oh,doyouthinkit'sonallofthem?

Joey:

Ohno,I'msuretheXeroxmachinecaughtafew.

OpeningCredits

[Scene:

CentralPerk,RossandChandleraresittingatatable.Rachelisworking.MonicaandPhoebeenter.]

Monica:

Hey,guys.

ChandlerandRoss:

Hey.

Rachel:

Hey...hi,ladies...uh,canIgetyouanything?

（toMonica,quietly）:

Didyoubringthemail?

Monica:

Lotsofresponses.

Rachel:

（toMonica）:

Really?

（outloud）:

Sure,wehavesconesleft!

（toMonica）:

OK,readthemtome.

Phoebe:

（reading）:

DearMs.Green,thankyouforyourinquiry,however...oh...（crumplesupletter）

Rachel:

（outloud）:

Wehaveapplecinnamon...

Monica:

（reading）:

OK...DearMs.Green...yeah...yeah...yeah...No.（crumpesupletter）

Phoebe:

Wow!

Rachel:

What?

Phoebe:

（reading）:

YourVisabillishuge!

Rachel:

（grabsthebill）Givemethat!

（CameracutstoChandlerandRossattable.）

Chandler:

Youknow,Ican'tbelieveyou.Lindaissogreat!

Whywon'tyougooutwithheragain?

Ross:

Idon'tknow.

Chandler:

Isthisstillaboutherwhole'TheFlintstonescould'vereallyhappened'thing?

Ross:

No,it'snotjustthat.It'sjust—Iwantsomeonewho...whodoessomethingforme,y'know?

Whogetsmyheartpounding,who...whomakesme,uh...（beginstostarelovinglyatRachel）

Chandler:

...littleplaythingswithyarn?

Ross:

What?

Chandler:

Couldyouwanthermore?

Ross:

Who?

Chandler:

（sarcastically）Dee,thesarcasticsisterfromWhatsHappening.

Ross:

Look,Iamtotally,totallyoverher,OK,Ijust...（Rachelcomesover,Rosslaysheadontable）:

Hiiii!

Rachel:

Hi!

Howareyou?

Ross:

We'refine,we'refine.

Rachel:

OK.（walksaway）

（Rosskeepsstaringather,headontable.Chandlersmackshimwithanewspaper.Joeyenters,RossandChandlerlaughathim.）

Joey:

Shutup!

Chandler:

We'renot—we'renotsayinganything.

Phoebe:

What?

Ross:

Uhhhh...Joeycriedlastnight.

Joey:

Thankyou.

Chandler:

（tothegirls）Wewereplayingpoker,alright...

Joey:

Therewaschocolateonthethree.Itlookedlikeaneight,alright?

Ross:

Oh,guys,youshould'veseenhim.'Read'emandweep.'

Chandler:

Andthenhedid.

Rachel:

Well,now,howcomeyouguyshaveneverplayedpokerwithus?

Phoebe:

Yeah,whatisthat?

Like,somekindofguything?

Like,somekindofsexistguything?

Likeit'spoker,soonlyguyscanplay?

Ross:

No,womenarewelcometoplay.

Phoebe:

Oh,OK,sothenwhatisit?

Somekindof...youknow,like,like...somekindof,y'know,like...alright,whatisit?

Chandler:

Therejustdon'thappentobeanywomeninourgames.

Joey:

Yeah,wejustdon'thappentoknowanywomenthatknowhowtoplaypoker.

Girls:

Oh,yeah,right.

Monica:

Oh,please,thatissuchalameexcuse!

Rachel:

Really.

Monica:

Imean,that'satypicalguyresponse.

Ross:

Excuseme,doanyofyouknowhowtoplay?

Girls:

No.

Rachel:

Butyoucouldteachus.

Guys:

No.

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,theguysareteachingthegirlshowtoplaypoker.]

Chandler:

（teaching）OK,sonowwedrawcards.

Monica:

SoIwouldn'tneedany,right?

CauseIhaveastraight.

Rachel:

Oh,goodforyou!

Phoebe:

Congratulations!

（Microwavetimergoesoff.Monicagetsup.）

Chandler:

OKPhoebs,howmanydoyouwant?

Phoebe:

OK,Ijustneedtwo...the,um,tenofspadesandthesixofclubs.

Ross:

No.No,uh,Phoebs?

Youcan't—youcan'tdo...

Rachel:

Ohwait,Ihavethetenofspades!

Here!

（givesittoPhoebe）

Ross:

No,no.Uh...no,see,uh,you-youcan'tdothat.

Rachel:

Oh,no-no-no-no-no-no,that'sOK,Idon'tneedthem.I'mgoingforfours.

Ross:

Oh,you're...（givesup）

（Monicacomesbacktothetablewithplatesoffood.）

Monica:

Alright,herewego.We'vegotsalmonroulettesandassortedcrudites.

PhoebeandRachel:

OOooooo!

Joey:

Whoa,whoa,whoa,Monica,what'reyoudoin'?

Thisisapokergame.Youcan'tservefoodwithmorethanonesyllable.It'sgottabelikechips,ordip,orpretz...（lookofrealization）

Chandler:

（changingsubject）OK,soatthispoint,thedealer...

Monica:

Alright,youknow,wegotit,wegotit.Let'splayforreal.Highstakes...bigbucks...

Ross:

Alright,now,yousure?

Phoebejustthrewawaytwojacksbecausetheydidn'tlookhappy...

Phoebe:

But...I'mready,so,justdeal.

Chandler:

OK,alright,lastminutelesson,lastminutelesson.（holdsuptwocards）Joey...three...eight.Eight...three.（Joeyisunamused）Alrightbabe,dealthecards.

（Timelapse.）

Monica:

（throwsdownhercards）Dammit,dammit,dammit!

Phoebe:

（toJoey）:

OhIsee,sothen,youwerelying.

Joey:

Aboutwhat?

Phoebe:

Abouthowgoodyourcardswere.

Joey:

Heh...Iwasbluffing.

Phoebe:

A-ha!

And...whatisbluffing?

Isitnotanotherwordfor...lying?

Rachel:

OK,sorrytobreakupthisparty,butI'vegotresumestofaxbeforeworktomorrow...（getsuptoleave）

Guys:

Whoa,whoa,whoa!

Chandler:

Rach,Rach,wegottasettle.

Rachel:

Settlewhat?

Chandler:

The...JamestowncolonyofVirginia.Yousee,KingGeorgeisgivingustheland,so...

Ross:

Thegame,Rachel,thegame.Youoweusmoneyforthegame.

Rachel:

Oh.Right.

Joey:

Youknowwhat,youguys?

It'stheirfirsttime,whydon'twejustforgetaboutthemoney,alright?

Monica:

Hellno,we'llpay!

Phoebe:

OK,Monica?

Ihadanotheranswerallready.

Monica:

Andyouknowwhat?

Wewantarematch.

Ross:

Wellthat'sfinewithme.Couldusethemoney.

Rachel:

（toRoss）:

Sobasically,yougetyourya-yasbytakingmoneyfromallofyourfriends.

Ross:

（pause）...Yeah.

Chandler:

Yes,andIgetmyya-yasfromIkea.Youhavetoputthemtogetheryourself,buttheycostalittleless.

Ross:

Look,Rachel,thisispoker.Iplaytowin,alright?

Inorderformetowin,otherpeoplehavetolose.Soifyou'regonnaplaypokerwithme,don'texpectmetobea'niceguy,'OK?

Causeoncethosecardsaredealt...（clapshandsthreetimes）

Joey:

（pause）...Yeah?

Ross:

I'mnotaniceguy.

[Scene:

Ross'apartment.ChandlerandJoeyarethere.Rossenterswithapizza.]

Ross:

Alrightboys,let'seat.

Chandler:

Oh,didyougetthatfromthe'ILoveRachel'pizzeria?

Ross:

Youstillonthat?

Chandler:

Oh,comeon.WhatwaswiththatwholeBlackBartspeech?

（mimicking）:

"WhenIplaypoker,I'mnotaniceguy!

"

Ross:

Youarewayoff,pal.

Joey:

No,Idon'tthinkso,seeRoss,becauseIthinkyouloveher.

Ross:

Um....no.See,Imight'vehadfeelingsforheratonetime—notanymore.Ijust—I...

（Marcelmakesascreechingnoiseinbackground.）

Ross:

Marcel!

Whereareyougoingwiththatdisc?

（MarcelputsaCDintheplayer.）

Ross:

Youarenotputtingthatonagain!

Marcel,OK—ifyoupressthatbutton,youareinvery,verybigtrouble.

（TheLionSleepsTonightstartstoplay.Marcelstartstodance.）

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,Rachel,Monica,andPhoebearethere.]

Rachel:

（openingmail）CanyoubelievewhatajerkRosswasbeing?

Monica:

Yeah,Iknow.Hecangetreallycompetitive.

Phoebe:

Ha.Ha,ha.

Monica:

What?

Phoebe:

Oh,hello,kettle?

ThisisMonica.You'reblack.

Monica:

Please!

IamnotasbadasRoss.

Rachel:

Oh,Ibegtodiffer.ThePictionaryincident?

Monica:

Thatwasnotanincident!

I-Iwasgesturing,a-andtheplateslippedoutofmyhand.

Rachel:

Oooooh.（readsletter）（surprised）:

Oh!

Igotaninterview!

Igotaninterview!

Monica:

You'rekidding!

Where?

Where?

Rachel:

（indisbelief）:

Sak's...Fifth...Avenue.

Monica:

Oh,Rachel!

Phoebe:

Oh,it'slikethemothershipiscallingyouhome.

Monica:

Well,what'sthejob?

Rachel:

Assistantbuyer.Oh!

Iwouldbeshopping...foraliving!

（Knockondoor.）

Monica:

OK,look.ThatisAuntIris.Thiswomanhasbeenplayingpokersinceshewasfive.Yougottalistentoeverywordshesays.（opensdoor）Hi!

AuntIris:

IsTonyRandalldead?

Rachel:

No.

Monica:

Idon'tthinkso.

Rachel:

Why?

AuntIris:

Well,hemaybenow,becauseIthinkIhithimwithmycar.

Monica:

What?

Rachel:

OhmyGod!

Monica:

Really?

AuntIris:

No!

That'sbluffing.Lessonnumberone.（walksintokitchen）Letmetellyousomething...everythingyouhearatapokergameispurecrap.（toPhoebe）:

Niceearrings.

Phoebe:

Thanky...（thinksaboutit）

AuntIris:

Girls,sitdown.

Monica:

Uh,AuntIris?

ThisisPhoebe,andthat'sRachel...

AuntIris:

Yeah,yeah,yeah,yeah,yeah,listen,Iamparkedatameter.Let'sdoit.

[Scene:

Ross'sapartment,everyonebutRachelisseatedaroundhistable.TheLionSleepTonightplaysinthebackground.]

Phoebe:

Ross,couldweplease,please,pleaselistentoanythingelse?

Ross:

Alright.

（RossshutsofftheCDplayer.Marcelrunsintothebedroomandslamsthedoor.）

Ross:

I'mgonnapayforthattonight.

（Knockondoor.Rossopensit.Rachelenters.）

Rachel:

Hi!

Ross:

Hey.

Rachel:

Guys!

Guesswhat,guesswhat,guesswhat,guesswhat!

Chandler:

Um,ok...the...thefifthdentistcavedandnowthey'reallrecommendingTrident?

Rachel:

Noooo...theinterview!

Shelovedme!

Sheabsolutelylovedme.Wetalkedforliketwoandahalfhours,wehavethesametasteinclothes,and—oh,Iwenttocampwithhercousin...And,oh,thejobisperfect.Icandothis.Icandothiswell!

All:

That'sgreat!

That'sw