1Pauls Case.docx

1Pauls Case.docx

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1PaulsCase

Paul’sCase

I

ItwasPaul’safternoontoappearbeforethefacultyofthePittsburghHighSchooltoaccountforhisvariousmisdemeanors.Hehadbeensuspendedaweekago,andhisfatherhadcalledattheprincipal’sofficeandconfessedhisperplexityabouthisson.Paulenteredthefacultyroomsuaveandsmiling.Hisclotheswereatrifleoutgrownandthetanvelvetonthecollarofhisopenovercoatwasfrayedandworn;but,forallthat,therewassomethingofthedandyabouthim,andheworeanopalpininhisneatlyknottedblackfour-in-hand,andaredcarnationinhisbuttonhole.Thislatteradornmentthefacultysomehowfeltwasnotproperlysignificantofthecontritespiritbefittingaboyunderthebanofsuspension.

Paulwastallforhisageandverythin,withhigh,crampedshouldersandanarrowchest.Hiseyeswereremarkableforacertainhystericalbrilliancy,andhecontinuallyusedtheminaconscious,theatricalsortofway,peculiarlyoffensiveinaboy.Thepupilswereabnormallylarge,asthoughhewereaddictedtobelladonna,buttherewasaglassyglitteraboutthemwhichthatdrugdoesnotproduce.

WhenquestionedbythePrincipalastowhyhewasthere,Paulstated,politelyenough,thathewantedtocomebacktoschool.Thiswasalie,butPaulwasquiteaccustomedtolying;foundit,indeed,indispensibleforovercomingfriction.Histeacherswereaskedtostatetheirrespectivechargesagainsthim,whichtheydidwithsucharancorandaggrievednessasevincedthatthiswasnotausualcase.Disorderandimpertinencewereamongtheoffencesnamed,yeteachofhisinstructorsfeltthatitwasscarcelypossibletoputintowordstherealcauseofthetrouble,whichlayinasortofhystericallydefiantmanneroftheboy’s;inthecontemptwhichtheyallknewhefeltforthem,andwhichheseeminglymadenottheleastefforttoconceal.Once,whenhehadbeenmakingasynopsisofaparagraphattheblackboard,hisEnglishteacherhadsteppedtohissideandattemptedtoguidehishand.Paulhadstartedbackwithashudder,andthrusthishandsviolentlybehindhim.Theastonishedwomancouldscarcelyhavebeenmorehurtandembarrassedhadhestruckather.Theinsultwassoinvoluntaryanddefinitelypersonalastobeunforgettable.Inonewayandanotherhehadmadeallhisteachers,menandwomenalike,consciousofthesamefeelingofphysicalaversion.Inoneclasshehabituallysatwithhishandshadinghiseyes;inanotherhealwayslookedoutofthewindowduringtherecitation;inanotherhemadearunningcommentaryonthelecture,withhumorousintention.

Histeachersfeltthisafternoonthathiswholeattitudewassymbolizedbyhisshrugandhisflippantlyredcarnationflower,andtheyfelluponhimwithoutmercy,hisEnglishteacherleadingthepack.Hestoodthroughitsmiling,hispalelipspartedoverhiswhiteteeth.（Hislipswerecontinuallytwitching,andhehadahabitofraisinghiseyebrowsthatwascontemptuousandirritatingtothelastdegree.）OlderboysthanPaulhadbrokendownandshedtearsunderthatbaptismoffire,buthissetsmiledidnotoncedeserthim,andhisonlysignofdiscomfortwasthenervoustremblingofthefingersthattoyedwiththebuttonsofhisovercoat,andanoccasionaljerkingoftheotherhandthatheldhishat.Paulwasalwayssmiling,alwaysglancingabouthim,seemingtofeelthatpeoplemightbewatchinghimandtryingtodetectsomething.Thisconsciousexpression,sinceitwasasfaraspossiblefromboyishmirthfulness,wasusuallyattributedtoinsolenceor“smartness.”

Astheinquisitionproceeded,oneofhisinstructorsrepeatedanimpertinentremarkoftheboy’s,andtheprincipalaskedhimwhetherhethoughtthatacourteousspeechtohavemadeawoman.Paulshruggedhisshouldersslightlyandhiseyebrowstwitched.

“Idon’tknow,”hereplied.“Ididn’tmeantobepoliteorimpolite,either.Iguessit’sasortofwayIhaveofsayingthingsregardless.”

ThePrincipal,whowasasympatheticman,askedhimwhetherhedidn’tthinkthatawayitwouldbewelltogetridof.Paulgrinnedandsaidheguessedso.Whenhewastoldthathecouldgo,hebowedgracefullyandwentout.Hisbowwasbutarepetitionofthescandalousredcarnation.

Histeacherswereindespair,andhisdrawingmastervoicedthefeelingofthemallwhenhedeclaredtherewassomethingabouttheboywhichnoneofthemunderstood.Headded:

“Idon’treallybelievethatsmileofhiscomesaltogetherfrominsolence;there’ssomethingsortofhauntedaboutit.Theboyisnotstrong,foronething.IhappentoknowthathewasborninColorado,onlyafewmonthsbeforehismotherdiedoutthereofalongillness.Thereissomethingwrongaboutthefellow.”

Thedrawingmasterhadcometorealizethat,inlookingatPaul,onesawonlyhiswhiteteethandtheforcedanimationofhiseyes.Onewarmafternoontheboyhadgonetosleepathisdrawing-board,andhismasterhadnotedwithamazementwhatawhite,blue-veinedfaceitwas;drawnandwrinkledlikeanoldman’sabouttheeyes,thelipstwitchingeveninhissleep,andstiffwithanervoustensionthatdrewthembackfromhisteeth.

Histeachersleftthebuildingdissatisfiedandunhappy;humiliatedtohavefeltsovindictivetowardamereboy,tohaveutteredthisfeelingincuttingterms,andtohaveseteachotheron,asitwere,inthegruesomegameofintemperatereproach.Someofthemrememberedhavingseenamiserablestreetcatsetatbaybyaringoftormentors.

AsforPaul,herandownthehillwhistlingtheSoldiers’ChorusfromFaust,lookingwildlybehindhim,nowandthen,toseewhethersomeofhisteacherswerenottheretowritheunderhislight-heartedness.Asitwasnowlateintheafternoon,andPaulwasondutythateveningasusherinCarnegieHall,hedecidedthathewouldnotgohometosupper.Whenhereachedtheconcerthallthedoorswerenotyetopenand,asitwaschillyoutside,hedecidedtogoupintothepicturegallery—alwaysdesertedatthishour—wherethereweresomeofRaffaelli’sgaystudiesofParisstreetsandanairyblueVenetiansceneortwothatalwaysexhilaratedhim.Hewasdelightedtofindnooneinthegallerybuttheoldguard,whosatinonecorner,anewspaperonhisknee,ablackpatchoveroneeyeandtheotherclosed.Paulpossessedhimselfoftheplaceandwalkedconfidentlyupanddown,whistlingunderhisbreath.AfterawhilehesatdownbeforeablueRicoandlosthimself.Whenhebethoughthimtolookathiswatch,itwasafterseveno’clock,andherosewithastartandrandownstairs,makingafaceatAugustus,peeringoutfromthecast-room,andanevilgestureattheVenusofMiloashepassedheronthestairway.

WhenPaulreachedtheushers’dressing-roomatabouthalf-pastseventhatevening,halfadozenboysweretherealready,andPaulbegan,excitedly,totumbleintohisuniform.Itwasoneofthefewthatatallapproachedfitting,andhethoughtitverybecoming—thoughheknewthatthetight,straightcoataccentuatedhisnarrowchest,aboutwhichhewasexceedinglysensitive.Hewasalwaysconsiderablyexcitedwhilehedressed,twangingallovertothetuningofthestringsandthepreliminaryflourishesofthehornsinthemusic-room;buttonightheseemedquitebesidehimself,andheteasedandplaguedtheboysuntil,tellinghimthathewascrazy,theyputhimdownonthefloorandsatonhim.

Somewhatcalmedbyhissuppression,Pauldashedouttothefrontofthehousetoseattheearlycomers.Hewasamodelusher;graciousandsmiling,heranupanddowntheaisles;nothingwastoomuchtroubleforhim;hecarriedmessagesandbroughtprogrammesasthoughitwerehisgreatestpleasureinlife,andallthepeopleinhissectionthoughthimacharmingboy,feelingthatherememberedandadmiredthem.Asthehousefilled,hegrewmoreandmorevivaciousandanimated,andthecolorcametohischeeksandlips.ItwasverymuchasthoughthiswereagreatreceptionandPaulwerethehost.Justasthemusicianscameouttotaketheirplaces,hisEnglishteacherarrivedwithchecksfortheseatswhichaprominentmanufacturerhadtakenfortheseason.ShebetrayedsomeembarrassmentwhenshehandedPaulthetickets,andahauteurwhichsubsequentlymadeherfeelveryfoolish.Paulwasstartledforamoment,andhadthefeelingofwantingtoputherout;whatbusinesshadshehereamongallthesefinepeopleandgaycolors?

Helookedheroveranddecidedthatshewasnotappropriatelydressedandmustbeafooltositdownstairsinsuchtogs.Theticketshadprobablybeensentheroutofkindness,hereflectedasheputdownaseatforher,andshehadaboutasmuchrighttositthereashehad.

Whenthesymphonybegan,Paulsankintooneoftherearseatswithalongsighofrelief.Itwasnotthatsymphonies,assuch,meantanythinginparticulartoPaul,butthefirstsighoftheinstrumentsseemedtofreesomehilariousandpotentspiritwithinhim;somethingthatstruggledthereliketheGeniusinthebottlefoundbytheArabfisherman.Hefeltasuddenzestoflife;thelightsdancedbeforehiseyesandtheconcerthallblazedintounimaginablesplendor.Whenthesopranosoloistcameon,Paulforgoteventhenastinessofhisteacher’sbeingthereandgavehimselfuptothepeculiarstimulussuchpersonagesalwayshadforhim.ThesoloistchancedtobeaGermanwoman,bynomeansinherfirstyouth,andthemotherofmanychildren;butsheworeanelaborategownandatiara,andaboveall,shehadthatindefinableairofachievement,thatworld-shineuponher,which,inPaul’seyes,madeheraveritablequeenofRomance.

AfteraconcertwasoverPaulwasalwaysirritableandwretcheduntilhegottosleep,andtonighthewasevenmorethanusuallyrestless.Hehadthefeelingofnot