Is Shakespeare Dead.docx

Is Shakespeare Dead.docx

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IsShakespeareDead

IsShakespeareDead?

byMarkTwain

CHAPTERI

ScatteredhereandtherethroughthestacksofunpublishedmanuscriptwhichconstitutethisformidableAutobiographyandDiaryofmine,certainchapterswillinsomedistantfuturebefoundwhichdealwith"Claimants"--claimantshistoricallynotorious:

Satan,Claimant;theGoldenCalf,Claimant;theVeiledProphetofKhorassan,Claimant;LouisXVII.,Claimant;WilliamShakespeare,Claimant;ArthurOrton,Claimant;MaryBakerG.Eddy,Claimant--andtherestofthem.EminentClaimants,successfulClaimants,defeatedClaimants,royalClaimants,plebClaimants,showyClaimants,shabbyClaimants,reveredClaimants,despisedClaimants,twinklestarlikehereandthereandyonderthroughthemistsofhistoryandlegendandtradition--andoh,allthedarlingtribeareclothedinmysteryandromance,andwereadaboutthemwithdeepinterestanddiscussthemwithlovingsympathyorwithrancorousresentment,accordingtowhichsidewehitchourselvesto.Ithasalwaysbeensowiththehumanrace.TherewasneveraClaimantthatcouldn'tgetahearing,noronethatcouldn'taccumulatearapturousfollowing,nomatterhowflimsyandapparentlyunauthentichisclaimmightbe.ArthurOrton'sclaimthathewasthelostTichbornebaronetcometolifeagainwasasflimsyasMrs.Eddy'sthatshewroteScienceandHealthfromthedirectdictationoftheDeity;yetinEnglandnearfortyyearsagoOrtonhadahugearmyofdevoteesandincorrigibleadherents,manyofwhomremainedstubbornlyunconvincedaftertheirfatgodhadbeenprovenanimpostorandjailedasaperjurer,andto-dayMrs.Eddy'sfollowingisnotonlyimmense,butisdailyaugmentinginnumbersandenthusiasm.Ortonhadmanyfineandeducatedmindsamonghisadherents,Mrs.Eddyhashadthelikeamonghersfromthebeginning.Herchurchisaswellequippedinthoseparticularsasisanyotherchurch.Claimantscanalwayscountuponafollowing,itdoesn'tmatterwhotheyare,norwhattheyclaim,norwhethertheycomewithdocumentsorwithout.Itwasalwaysso.Downoutofthelong-vanishedpast,acrosstheabyssoftheages,ifyoulistenyoucanstillhearthebelievingmultitudesshoutingforPerkinWarbeckandLambertSimnel.

Afriendhassentmeanewbook,fromEngland--TheShakespeareProblemRestated--wellrestatedandcloselyreasoned;andmyfiftyyears'interestinthatmatter--asleepforthelastthreeyears--isexcitedoncemore.ItisaninterestwhichwasbornofDeliaBacon'sbook--awaybackinthatancientday--1857,ormaybe1856.Aboutayearlatermypilot-master,Bixby,transferredmefromhisownsteamboattothePennsylvania,andplacedmeundertheordersandinstructionsofGeorgeEaler--deadnow,thesemany,manyyears.Isteeredforhimagoodmanymonths--aswasthehumbledutyofthepilot-apprentice:

stoodadaylightwatchandspunthewheelundertheseveresuperintendenceandcorrectionofthemaster.HewasaprimechessplayerandanidolaterofShakespeare.Hewouldplaychesswithanybody;evenwithme,anditcosthisofficialdignitysomethingtodothat.Also--quiteuninvited--hewouldreadShakespearetome;notjustcasually,butbythehour,whenitwashiswatch,andIwassteering.Hereadwell,butnotprofitablyforme,becauseheconstantlyinjectedcommandsintothetext.Thatbrokeitallup,mixeditallup,tangleditallup--tothatdegree,infact,thatifwewereinariskyanddifficultpieceofriveranignorantpersoncouldn'thavetold,sometimes,whichobservationswereShakespeare'sandwhichwereEaler's.Forinstance:

Whatmandare,_I_dare!

ApproachthouWHATareyoulayingintheleadsfor?

whatahellofanidea!

liketheruggedeaseheroffalittle,easeheroff!

ruggedRussianbear,thearmedrhinocerosortheTHEREshegoes!

meether,meether!

didn'tyouKNOWshe'dsmellthereefifyoucrowdeditlikethat?

Hyrcantiger;takeanyshapebutthatandmyfirmnervesshe'llbeintheWOODSthefirstyouknow!

stopthestarboard!

comeaheadstrongonthelarboard!

backthestarboard!

...NOWthen,you'reallright;comeaheadonthestarboard;straightenupandgo'long,nevertremble:

orbealiveagain,anddaremetothedesertdamnationcan'tyoukeepawayfromthatgreasywater?

pullherdown!

snatchher!

snatchherbaldheaded!

withthysword;iftremblingIinhabitthen,layintheleads!

--no,onlythestarboardone,leavetheotheralone,protestmethebabyofagirl.Hencehorribleshadow!

eightbells--thatwatchman'sasleepagain,Ireckon,godownandcallBrownyourself,unrealmockery,hence!

"

Hecertainlywasagoodreader,andsplendidlythrillingandstormyandtragic,butitwasadamagetome,becauseIhaveneversincebeenabletoreadShakespeareinacalmandsaneway.Icannotriditofhisexplosiveinterlardings,theybreakineverywherewiththeirirrelevant"WhatinhellareyouuptoNOW!

pullherdown!

more!

MORE!

--therenow,steadyasyougo,"andtheotherdisorganizinginterruptionsthatwerealwaysleapingfromhismouth.WhenIreadShakespearenow,IcanhearthemasplainlyasIdidinthatlong-departedtime--fifty-oneyearsago.IneverregardedEaler'sreadingsaseducational.Indeedtheywereadetrimenttome.

Hiscontributionstothetextseldomimprovedit,butbarringthatdetailhewasagoodreader,Icansaythatmuchforhim.Hedidnotusethebook,anddidnotneedto;heknewhisShakespeareaswellasEuclideverknewhismultiplicationtable.

Didhehavesomethingtosay--thisShakespeare-adoringMississippipilot--anentDeliaBacon'sbook?

Yes.Andhesaidit;saiditallthetime,formonths--inthemorningwatch,themiddlewatch,thedogwatch;andprobablykeptitgoinginhissleep.Heboughttheliteratureofthedisputeasfastasitappeared,andwediscusseditallthroughthirteenhundredmilesofriverfourtimestraversedineverythirty-fivedays--thetimerequiredbythatswiftboattoachievetworoundtrips.Wediscussed,anddiscussed,anddiscussed,anddisputedanddisputedanddisputed;atanyratehedid,andIgotinawordnowandthenwhenheslippedacogandtherewasavacancy.Hedidhisarguingwithheat,withenergy,withviolence;andIdidminewiththereserveandmoderationofasubordinatewhodoesnotliketobeflungoutofapilot-housethatisperchedfortyfeetabovethewater.HewasfiercelyloyaltoShakespeareandcordiallyscornfulofBaconandofallthepretensionsoftheBaconians.SowasI--atfirst.Andatfirsthewasgladthatthatwasmyattitude.Therewereevenindicationsthatheadmiredit;indicationsdimmed,itistrue,bythedistancethatlaybetweentheloftyboss-piloticalaltitudeandmylowlyone,yetperceptibletome;perceptible,andtranslatableintoacompliment--complimentcomingdownfromabovethesnow-lineandnotwellthawedinthetransit,andnotlikelytosetanythingafire,notevenacub-pilot'sself-conceit;stilladetectablecompliment,andprecious.

NaturallyitflatteredmeintobeingmoreloyaltoShakespeare--ifpossible--thanIwasbefore,andmoreprejudicedagainstBacon--ifpossiblethanIwasbefore.Andsowediscussedanddiscussed,bothonthesameside,andwerehappy.Forawhile.Onlyforawhile.Onlyforaverylittlewhile,avery,very,verylittlewhile.Thentheatmospherebegantochange;begantocooloff.

Abrighterpersonwouldhaveseenwhatthetroublewas,earlierthanIdid,perhaps,butIsawitearlyenoughforallpracticalpurposes.Yousee,hewasofanargumentativedisposition.Thereforeittookhimbutalittletimetogettiredofarguingwithapersonwhoagreedwitheverythinghesaidandconsequentlyneverfurnishedhimaprovocativetoflareupandshowwhathecoulddowhenitcametoclear,cold,hard,rose-cut,hundred-faceted,diamond-flashingreasoning.Thatwashisnameforit.Ithasbeenappliedsince,withcomplacency,asmanyasseveraltimes,intheBacon-Shakespearescuffle.OntheShakespeareside.

Thenthethinghappenedwhichhashappenedtomorepersonsthantomewhenprincipleandpersonalinterestfoundthemselvesinoppositiontoeachotherandachoicehadtobemade:

Iletprinciplego,andwentovertotheotherside.Nottheentireway,butfarenoughtoanswertherequirementsofthecase.Thatistosay,Itookthisattitude,towit:

IonlyBELIEVEDBaconwroteShakespeare,whereasIKNEWShakespearedidn't.Ealerwassatisfiedwiththat,andthewarbrokeloose.Study,practice,experienceinhandlingmyendofthematterpresentlyenabledmetotakemynewpositionalmostseriously;alittlebitlater,utterlyseriously;alittlelaterstill,lovingly,gratefully,devotedly;finally:

fiercely,rabidly,uncompromisingly.Afterthat,Iwasweldedtomyfaith,Iwastheoreticallyreadytodieforit,andIlookeddownwithcompassionnotunmixedwithscorn,uponeverybodyelse'sfaiththatdidn'ttallywithmine.Thatfaith,imposeduponmebyself-interestinthatancientday,remainsmyfaithto-day,andinitIfindcomfort,solace,peace,andnever-failingjoy.Youseehowcuriouslytheologicalitis.The"riceChristian"oftheOrientgoesthroughtheverysamesteps,whenheisafterriceandthemissionaryisafterHIM;hegoesforrice,andremainstoworship.

Ealerdidalotofour"reasoning"--nottosaysubstantiallyallofit.Theslavesofhisculthaveapassionforcallingitbythatlargename.Weothersdonotcallourinductionsanddeductionsandreductionsbyanynameatall.Theyshowforthemselves,whattheyare,andwecanwithtranquilconfidenceleavetheworldtoennoblethemwithatitleofitsownchoosing.

NowandthenwhenEalerhadtostoptocough,Ipulledmyinduction-talentstogetherandhovethecontroversialleadmyself:

alwaysgettingeightfeet,eight-and-a-half,oftennine,so