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mgoingtotalktoyoutonightaboutcomingoutofthecloset,andnotinthetraditionalsense,notjustthegaycloset.Ithinkweallhaveclosets.Yourclosetmaybetellingsomeoneyouloveherforthefirsttime,ortellingsomeonethatyou'
repregnant,ortellingsomeoneyouhavecancer,oranyoftheotherhardconversationswehavethroughoutourlives.Allaclosetisisahardconversation,andalthoughourtopicsmayvarytremendously,theexperienceofbeinginandcomingoutoftheclosetisuniversal.Itisscary,andwehateit,anditneedstobedone.
Severalyearsago,IwasworkingattheSouthSideWalnutCafe,alocaldinerintown,andduringmytimethereIwouldgothroughphasesofmilitantlesbianintensity:
notshavingmyarmpits,quotingAniDiFrancolyricsasgospel.AnddependingonthebagginessofmycargoshortsandhowrecentlyIhadshavedmyhead,thequestionwouldoftenbesprungonme,usuallybyalittlekid:
"
Um,areyouaboyorareyouagirl?
"
Andtherewouldbeanawkwardsilenceatthetable.I'
dclenchmyjawalittletighter,holdmycoffeepotwithalittlemorevengeance.Thedadwouldawkwardlyshufflehisnewspaperandthemomwouldshootachillingstareatherkid.ButIwouldsaynothing,andIwouldseetheinside.AnditgottothepointwhereeverytimeIwalkeduptoatablethathadakidanywherebetweenthreeand10yearsold,Iwasreadytofight.（Laughter）Andthatisaterriblefeeling.SoIpromisedmyself,thenexttime,Iwouldsaysomething.Iwouldhavethathardconversation.
Sowithinamatterofweeks,ithappensagain.
Areyouaboyorareyouagirl?
Familiarsilence,butthistimeI'
mready,andIamabouttogoallWomen'
sStudies101onthistable.（Laughter）I'
vegotmyBettyFriedanquotes.I'
vegotmyGloriaSteinemquotes.I'
veevengotthislittlebitfrom"
VaginaMonologues"
I'
mgoingtodo.SoItakeadeepbreathandIlookdownandstaringbackatmeisafour-year-oldgirlinapinkdress,notachallengetoafeministduel,justakidwithaquestion:
"
SoItakeanotherdeepbreath,squatdowntonexttoher,andsay,"
Hey,Iknowit'
skindofconfusing.Myhairisshortlikeaboy'
s,andIwearboy'
sclothes,butI'
magirl,andyouknowhowsometimesyouliketowearapinkdress,andsometimesyouliketowearyourcomfyjammies?
Well,I'
mmoreofacomfyjammieskindofgirl."
Andthiskidlooksmedeadintheeye,withoutmissingabeat,andsays,"
Myfavoritepajamasarepurplewithfish.CanIgetapancake,please?
（Laughter）Andthatwasit.Just,"
Oh,okay.You'
reagirl.Howaboutthatpancake?
ItwastheeasiesthardconversationIhaveeverhad.Andwhy?
BecausePancakeGirlandI,wewerebothrealwitheachother.
Solikemanyofus,I'
velivedinafewclosetsinmylife,andyeah,mostoften,mywallshappenedtoberainbow.Butinside,inthedark,youcan'
ttellwhatcolorthewallsare.Youjustknowwhatitfeelsliketoliveinacloset.Soreally,myclosetisnodifferentthanyoursoryoursoryours.Sure,I'
llgiveyou100reasonswhycomingoutofmyclosetwasharderthancomingoutofyours,buthere'
sthething:
Hardisnotrelative.Hardishard.Whocantellmethatexplainingtosomeoneyou'
vejustdeclaredbankruptcyisharderthantellingsomeoneyoujustcheatedonthem?
Whocantellmethathiscomingoutstoryisharderthantellingyourfive-year-oldyou'
regettingadivorce?
Thereisnoharder,thereisjusthard.Weneedtostoprankingourhardagainsteveryoneelse'
shardtomakeusfeelbetterorworseaboutourclosetsandjustcommiserateonthefactthatweallhavehard.Atsomepointinourlives,weallliveinclosets,andtheymayfeelsafe,oratleastsaferthanwhatliesontheothersideofthatdoor.ButIamheretotellyou,nomatterwhatyourwallsaremadeof,aclosetisnoplaceforapersontolive.
Thanks.（Applause）
Soimagineyourself20yearsago.Me,Ihadaponytail,astraplessdress,andhigh-heeledshoes.Iwasnotthemilitantlesbianreadytofightanyfour-year-oldthatwalkedintothecafe.Iwasfrozenbyfear,curledupinthecornerofmypitch-blackclosetclutchingmygaygrenade,andmovingonemuscleisthescariestthingIhaveeverdone.Myfamily,myfriends,completestrangers--Ihadspentmyentirelifetryingtonotdisappointthesepeople,andnowIwasturningtheworldupsidedownonpurpose.Iwasburningthepagesofthescriptwehadallfollowedforsolong,butifyoudonotthrowthatgrenade,itwillkillyou.
Oneofmymostmemorablegrenadetosseswasatmysister'
swedding.（Laughter）ItwasthefirsttimethatmanyinattendanceknewIwasgay,soindoingmymaidofhonorduties,inmyblackdressandheels,Iwalkedaroundtotablesandfinallylandedonatableofmyparents'
friends,folksthathadknownmeforyears.Andafteralittlesmalltalk,oneofthewomenshoutedout,"
IloveNathanLane!
Andthebattleofgayrelatabilityhadbegun.
Ash,haveyoueverbeentotheCastro?
Well,yeah,actually,wehavefriendsinSanFrancisco."
Well,we'
veneverbeentherebutwe'
veheardit'
sfabulous."
Ash,doyouknowmyhairdresserAntonio?
He'
sreallygoodandhehasnevertalkedaboutagirlfriend."
Ash,what'
syourfavoriteTVshow?
OurfavoriteTVshow?
Favorite:
Will&
Grace.Andyouknowwhowelove?
Jack.Jackisourfavorite."
Andthenonewoman,stumpedbutwantingsodesperatelytoshowhersupport,toletmeknowshewasonmyside,shefinallyblurtedout,"
Well,sometimesmyhusbandwearspinkshirts."
（Laughter）
AndIhadachoiceinthatmoment,asallgrenadethrowersdo.Icouldgobacktomygirlfriendandmygay-lovingtableandmocktheirresponses,chastisetheirunworldlinessandtheirinabilitytojumpthroughthepoliticallycorrectgayhoopsIhadbroughtwithme,orIcouldempathizewiththemandrealizethatthatwasmaybeoneofthehardestthingstheyhadeverdone,thatstartingandhavingthatconversationwasthemcomingoutoftheirclosets.Sure,itwouldhavebeeneasytopointoutwheretheyfeltshort.It'
salothardertomeetthemwheretheyareandacknowledgethefactthattheyweretrying.Andwhatelsecanyouasksomeonetodobuttry?
Ifyou'
regoingtoberealwithsomeone,yougottabereadyforrealinreturn.
Sohardconversationsarestillnotmystrongsuit.AskanybodyIhaveeverdated.ButI'
mgettingbetter,andIfollowwhatIliketocallthethreePancakeGirlprinciples.Now,pleaseviewthisthroughgay-coloredlenses,butknowwhatittakestocomeoutofanyclosetisessentiallythesame.
Numberone:
Beauthentic.Takethearmoroff.Beyourself.Thatkidinthecafehadnoarmor,butIwasreadyforbattle.Ifyouwantsomeonetoberealwithyou,theyneedtoknowthatyoubleedtoo.
Numbertwo:
Bedirect.Justsayit.RiptheBand-Aidoff.Ifyouknowyouaregay,justsayit.Ifyoutellyourparentsyoumightbegay,theywillholdouthopethatthiswillchange.Donotgivethemthatsenseoffalsehope.（Laughter）
Andnumberthree,andmostimportant--（Laughter）Beunapologetic.Youarespeakingyourtruth.Neverapologizeforthat.Andsomefolksmayhavegottenhurtalongtheway,sosure,apologizeforwhatyou'
vedone,butneverapologizeforwhoyouare.Andyeah,somefolksmaybedisappointed,butthatisonthem,notonyou.Thosearetheirexpectationsofwhoyouare,notyours.Thatistheirstory,notyours.Theonlystorythatmattersistheonethatyouwanttowrite.Sothenexttimeyoufindyourselfinapitch-blackclosetclutchingyourgrenade,knowwehaveallbeentherebefore.Andyoumayfeelsoveryalone,butyouarenot.Andweknowit'
shardbutweneedyououthere,nomatterwhatyourwallsaremadeof,becauseIguaranteeyouthereareotherspeeringthroughthekeyholesoftheirclosetslookingforthenextbravesoultobustadooropen,sobethatpersonandshowtheworldthatwearebiggerthanourclosetsandthataclosetisnoplaceforapersontotrulylive.
Thankyou,Boulder.Enjoyyournight.（Applause）
今晚我会和大家讲述如何走出柜但不是传统意义上的层面不只是成为同性恋那样的出柜我想大家都有个柜你所谓的出柜有的或许是你跟她第一次说我爱你或许告诉别人你怀孕了或许告诉别人你患有癌症甚至是其他我们都经历过的难以启齿的谈话所谓的柜就是一次说不出口的谈话虽然我们的话题涉及广泛在柜中和出柜的经历都是相通的这种感觉很可怕尽管我们都不喜欢但是还得这样做
几年以前我在SouthSideWalnut咖啡店工作一个当地的餐厅那段时间我经历了激进女同性恋的紧张没有刮我的腋毛引用福音AniDiFranco的歌词由于我宽松的工装短裤还有我最近的发型经常会有人问我通常是小孩儿问我
“嗯，你是男孩还是女孩?
”
随之而来的是一阵尴尬的寂静我紧咬牙关怀着报复的心紧握着咖啡罐爸爸尴尬地乱翻着报纸妈妈冷漠地盯着孩子但是我说不出口内心却在沸腾重点是每次我走到旁边有3到10岁小孩儿的桌子时我都准备好要干一架了（笑声）这种感觉非常不好所以我跟自己讲下一次我一定会说什么我会把话说出口
所以过了几个星期又出现这种状况了
“你是男孩还是女孩?
熟悉的沉寂但是这次我准备好了这次我要把所有女性的话说出来（笑声）我准备好引用BettyFriedan的话准备好引用GloriaSteinem的话我甚至从《阴道独白》中选了几句话我深吸了口气我低下头看迎来的是一个穿着粉色裙子的4岁小女孩儿的目光这个小菜一碟只是个小孩儿问问题“你是男孩还是女孩?
我又深吸了口气在她身旁蹲下来说“我知道有点不好理解我的头发像男生的那样短我还穿着男生的衣服但是我是个女孩有时候你喜欢穿粉色的裙子有时候喜欢穿舒服的睡衣对吧那我就是那种喜欢穿舒服睡衣的那种女孩
这个小孩儿死死的盯着我都不带眨的说”我最喜欢的睡衣是紫色的上面还有鱼能给我块煎饼吗?
“（笑声）就是这样”哦好吧你是个女孩来块煎饼怎么样?
“
这是有史以来最简单的一次艰难对话为什么呢因为这个煎饼女孩和我我们对彼此都很真诚
所以跟很多人一样我住在自己的几个柜里是的而且我的四面墙常常会变成彩色但是墙的里面黑暗中你却不知道内墙是什么颜色你就是知道在柜里是什么感觉所以真的我的柜和你的你的所有人的柜都是一样的当然我会告诉你100个理由来解释为什么我出柜会比你出柜要难但是重点是难并不是相对的各有各的难处谁能告诉我是跟一个人讲你刚刚破产难还是跟一个人讲你背叛他难呢谁能告诉我是一个人说自己出柜难还是告诉你5岁的孩子你要离婚了难呢没有谁更难一些就只是很难而已我们不能把各自的难处排个1234以此来让我们对自己的柜更好过或更难过些然后又互相怜悯大家都很难在生活中的某些时刻我们都闷在柜里这样我们感到很安全至少比在柜外面更安全些但是我要告诉大家不管你的柜是什么材质那都不是一个人应该住的地方
谢谢（掌声）
想想20xx年前的你那时的我扎着马尾穿着没有肩带的裙子蹬着高跟鞋我不是那个紧张的女同性恋随时准备迎战走进咖啡厅的4岁孩童恐惧使我不得动弹缩在我那个黑漆漆的柜里绷紧身为同性恋的神经我从未放松过紧绷的那根弦我的家人朋友陌生人我一直都努力不让这些人失望然而现在我却故意把事情弄的一团糟我把我们一直沿用的脚本都烧掉但是如果你不丢掉手中的手榴弹它会
升级会员 