Little Britain.docx

Little Britain.docx

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LittleBritain

LittleBritainbyWashingtonIrvingWhatIwriteismosttrue...IhaveawholebookeofcaseslyingbymewhichifIshouldsettefoorth,somegraveauntients（withinthehearingofBowbell）wouldbeoutofcharitywithme.

NASHE.

INthecentreofthegreatcityofLondonliesasmallneighborhood,consistingofaclusterofnarrowstreetsandcourts,ofveryvenerableanddebilitatedhouses,whichgoesbythenameofLITTLEBRITAIN.ChristChurchSchoolandSt.Bartholomew'sHospitalbounditonthewest;SmithfieldandLongLaneonthenorth;AldersgateStreet,likeanarmofthesea,dividesitfromtheeasternpartofthecity;whilsttheyawninggulfofBull-and-MouthStreetseparatesitfromButcherLane,andtheregionsofNewgate.Overthislittleterritory,thusboundedanddesignated,thegreatdomeofSt.

Paul's,swellingabovetheinterveninghousesofPaternosterRow,AmenCorner,andAveMariaLane,looksdownwithanairofmotherlyprotection.

Thisquarterderivesitsappellationfromhavingbeen,inancienttimes,theresidenceoftheDukesofBrittany.AsLondonincreased,however,rankandfashionrolledofftothewest,andtrade,creepingonattheirheels,tookpossessionoftheirdesertedabodes.ForsometimeLittleBritainbecamethegreatmartoflearning,andwaspeopledbythebusyandprolificraceofbooksellers;thesealsograduallydesertedit,and,emigratingbeyondthegreatstraitofNewgateStreet,settleddowninPaternosterRowandSt.Paul'sChurchyard,wheretheycontinuetoincreaseandmultiplyevenatthepresentday.

Butthoughthusfallingintodecline,LittleBritainstillbearstracesofitsformersplendor.Thereareseveralhousesreadytotumbledown,thefrontsofwhicharemagnificentlyenrichedwitholdoakencarvingsofhideousfaces,unknownbirds,beasts,andfishes;andfruitsandflowerswhichitwouldperplexanaturalisttoclassify.Therearealso,inAldersgateStreet,certainremainsofwhatwereoncespaciousandlordlyfamilymansions,butwhichhaveinlatterdaysbeensubdividedintoseveraltenements.Heremayoftenbefoundthefamilyofapettytradesman,withitstrumperyfurniture,burrowingamongtherelicsofantiquatedfinery,ingreat,rambling,time-stainedapartments,withfrettedceilings,gildedcornices,andenormousmarblefireplaces.Thelanesandcourtsalsocontainmanysmallerhouses,notonsograndascale,but,likeyoursmallancientgentry,sturdilymaintainingtheirclaimstoequalantiquity.Thesehavetheirgableendstothestreet;greatbow-windows,withdiamondpanessetinlead,grotesquecarvings,andlowarcheddoor-ways.

InthismostvenerableandshelteredlittlenesthaveIpassedseveralquietyearsofexistence,comfortablylodgedinthesecondfloorofoneofthesmallestbutoldestedifices.Mysitting-roomisanoldwainscotedchamber,withsmallpanels,andsetoffwithamiscellaneousarrayoffurniture.Ihaveaparticularrespectforthreeorfourhigh-backedclaw-footedchairs,coveredwithtarnishedbrocade,whichbearthemarksofhavingseenbetterdays,andhavedoubtlessfiguredinsomeoftheoldpalacesofLittleBritain.Theyseemtometokeeptogether,andtolookdownwithsovereigncontemptupontheirleathern-bottomedneighbors:

asIhaveseendecayedgentrycarryahighheadamongtheplebeiansocietywithwhichtheywerereducedtoassociate.Thewholefrontofmysitting-roomistakenupwithabow-window,onthepanesofwhicharerecordedthenamesofpreviousoccupantsformanygenerations,mingledwithscrapsofveryindifferentgentlemanlikepoetry,writtenincharacterswhichIcanscarcelydecipher,andwhichextolthecharmsofmanyabeautyofLittleBritainwhohaslong,longsincebloomed,faded,andpassedaway.AsIamanidlepersonage,withnoapparentoccupation,andpaymybillregularlyeveryweek,Iamlookeduponastheonlyindependentgentlemanoftheneighborhood;and,beingcurioustolearntheinternalstateofacommunitysoapparentlyshutupwithinitself,Ihavemanagedtoworkmywayintoalltheconcernsandsecretsoftheplace.

LittleBritainmaytrulybecalledtheheart'scoreofthecity;thestrongholdoftrueJohnBullism.ItisafragmentofLondonasitwasinitsbetterdays,withitsantiquatedfolksandfashions.Hereflourishingreatpreservationmanyoftheholidaygamesandcustomsofyore.TheinhabitantsmostreligiouslyeatpancakesonShroveTuesday,hot-cross-bunsonGoodFriday,androastgooseatMichaelmas;theysendlove-lettersonValentine'sDay,burnthepopeonthefifthofNovember,andkissallthegirlsunderthemistletoeatChristmas.Roastbeefandplumpuddingarealsoheldinsuperstitiousveneration,andportandsherrymaintaintheirgroundsastheonlytrueEnglishwines;allothersbeingconsideredvile,outlandishbeverages.

LittleBritainhasitslongcatalogueofcitywonders,whichitsinhabitantsconsiderthewondersoftheworld:

suchasthegreatbellofSt.Paul's,whichsoursallthebeerwhenittolls;thefiguresthatstrikethehoursatSt.Dunstan'sclock;theMonument;thelionsintheTower;andthewoodengiantsinGuildhall.Theystillbelieveindreamsandfortune-telling,andanoldwomanthatlivesinBull-and-MouthStreetmakesatolerablesubsistencebydetectingstolengoods,andpromisingthegirlsgoodhusbands.Theyareapttoberendereduncomfortablebycometsandeclipses;andifadoghowlsdolefullyatnight,itislookeduponasasuresignofadeathintheplace.Thereareevenmanyghoststoriescurrent,particularlyconcerningtheoldmansion-houses;inseveralofwhichitissaidstrangesightsaresometimesseen.Lordsandladies,theformerinfullbottomedwigs,hangingsleeves,andswords,thelatterinlappets,stays,hoopsandbrocade,havebeenseenwalkingupanddownthegreatwastechambers,onmoonlightnights;andaresupposedtobetheshadesoftheancientproprietorsintheircourt-dresses.

LittleBritainhaslikewiseitssagesandgreatmen.Oneofthemostimportantoftheformerisatall,dryoldgentleman,ofthenameofSkryme,whokeepsasmallapothecary'sshop.Hehasacadaverouscountenance,fullofcavitiesandprojections;withabrowncircleroundeacheye,likeapairofhornedspectacles.Heismuchthoughtofbytheoldwomen,whoconsiderhimakindofconjurer,becausehehastwoofthreestuffedalligatorshangingupinhisshop,andseveralsnakesinbottles.Heisagreatreaderofalmanacsandnewspapers,andismuchgiventoporeoveralarmingaccountsofplots,conspiracies,fires,earthquakes,andvolcaniceruptions;whichlastphenomenaheconsidersassignsofthetimes.Hehasalwayssomedismaltaleofthekindtodealouttohiscustomers,withtheirdoses;andthusatthesametimeputsbothsoulandbodyintoanuproar.Heisagreatbelieverinomensandpredictions;andhasthepropheciesofRobertNixonandMotherShiptonbyheart.Nomancanmakesomuchoutofaneclipse,orevenanunusuallydarkday;andheshookthetailofthelastcometovertheheadsofhiscustomersanddisciplesuntiltheywerenearlyfrightenedoutoftheirwits.Hehaslatelygotholdofapopularlegendorprophecy,onwhichhehasbeenunusuallyeloquent.Therehasbeenasayingcurrentamongtheancientsibyls,whotreasureupthesethings,thatwhenthegrasshopperonthetopoftheExchangeshookhandswiththedragononthetopofBowChurchSteeple,fearfuleventswouldtakeplace.Thisstrangeconjunction,itseems,hasasstrangelycometopass.ThesamearchitecthasbeenengagedlatelyontherepairsofthecupolaoftheExchange,andthesteepleofBowchurch;and,fearfultorelate,thedragonandthegrasshopperactuallylie,cheekbyjole,intheyardofhisworkshop.

"Others,"asMr.Skrymeisaccustomedtosay,"maygostar-gazing,andlookforconjunctionsintheheavens,buthereisaconjunctionontheearth,nearathome,andunderourowneyes,whichsurpassesallthesignsandcalculationsofastrologers."Sincetheseportentousweathercockshavethuslaidtheirheadstogether,wonderfuleventshadalreadyoccurred.Thegoodoldking,notwithstandingthathehadlivedeighty-twoyears,hadallatoncegivenuptheghost;anotherkinghadmountedthethrone;aroyaldukehaddiedsuddenly,--another,inFrance,hadbeenmurdered;therehadbeenradicalmeetingsinallpartsofthekingdom;thebloodyscenesatManchester;thegreatplotofCatoStreet;andaboveall,thequeenhadreturnedtoEngland!

AllthesesinistereventsarerecountedbyMr.

Skryme,withamysteriouslook,andadismalshakeofthehead;andbeingtakenwithhisdrugs,andassociatedinthemindsofhisauditorswithstuffedsea-monsters,bottledserpents,andhisownvisage,whichisatitle-pageoftribulation,theyhavespreadgreatgloomthroughthemindsofthepeopleofLittleBritain.TheyshaketheirheadswhenevertheygobyBowChurch,andobserve,thattheyneverexpectedanygoodtocomeoftakingdownthatsteeple,whichinoldtimestoldnothingbutgladtidings,asthehistoryofWhittingtonandhisCatbearswitness.

TherivaloracleofLittleBritainisasubstantialcheesemonger,wholivesinafragmentofoneoftheoldfamilymansions,andisasmagnificentlylodgedasaround-belliedmiteinthemidstofoneofhisownCheshires.Indeed,heisamanofnolittlestandingandimportance;andhisrenownextendsthroughHugginLane,andLadLane,andevenuntoAldermanbury.Hisopinionisverymuchtakeninaffairsofstate,havingreadtheSundaypapersforthelasthalfcentury,togetherwiththe"Gentleman'sMagazine,"Rapin's"HistoryofEngland,"andthe"NavalChronicle."Hisheadisstoredwithinvaluablemaximswhichhavebornethetestoftimeanduseforcenturies.Itishisfirmopinionthat"itisam