老友记英文剧本 第一季03.docx

老友记英文剧本 第一季03.docx

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老友记英文剧本第一季03

六人行1-3TheOneWiththeThumb

[Scene:

CentralPerk,everyonebutPhoebeisthere.]

Phoebe:

（entering）Higuys!

All:

Hey,Pheebs!

Hi!

Ross:

Hey.Oh,oh,how'ditgo?

Phoebe:

Um,notsogood.Hewalkedmetothesubwayandsaid'Weshoulddothisagain!

'

All:

Ohh.Ouch.

Rachel:

What?

Hesaid'weshoulddoitagain',that'sgood,right?

Monica:

Uh,no.Looselytranslated'Weshoulddothisagain'means'Youwillneverseemenaked'.

Rachel:

Sincewhen?

Joey:

Sincealways.It'slikedatinglanguage.Y'know,like'It'snotyou'means'Itisyou'.

Chandler:

Or'You'resuchaniceguy'means'I'mgonnabedatingleather-wearingalcoholicsandcomplainingaboutthemtoyou'.

Phoebe:

Or,or,y'know,um,'Ithinkweshouldseeotherpeople'means'Ha,ha,Ialreadyam'.

Rachel:

Andeverybodyknowsthis?

Joey:

Yeah.Cushionstheblow.

Chandler:

Yeah,it'slikewhenyou'reakid,andyourparentsputyourdogtosleep,andtheytellyouitwentofftoliveonsomefarm.

Ross:

That'sfunny,that,no,because,uh,ourparentsactuallydid,uh,sendourdogofftoliveonafarm.

Monica:

Uh,Ross.

Ross:

What?

Wh-hello?

TheMillners'farminConnecticut?

TheMillners,theyhadthisunbelievablefarm,theyhadhorses,and,andrabbitsthathecouldchaseanditwas-itw-.....OhmyGod,ChiChi!

OpeningCredits

[Scene:

ChandlerandJoey's,ChandlerishelpingJoeyrehearseforapart.]

Chandler:

"Sohowdoesitfeelknowingyou'reabouttodie?

"

Joey:

"Warden,infiveminutesmypainwillbeover.Butyou'llhavetolivewiththeknowledgethatyousentanhonestmantodie."

Chandler:

Hey,thatwasreallygood!

Joey:

Thanks!

Let'skeepgoing.

Chandler:

Okay."So.Whaddyawantfromme,Damone,huh?

"

Joey:

"Ijustwannagobacktomycell.'Causeinmycell,Icansmoke."

Chandler:

"Smokeaway."

（Joeytakesoutapackofcigarettesandalighter.Hefumblesanddropsthelighter.Thenhelightsacigarett,takesadrag,andcoughs.）

Chandler:

IthinkthisisprobablywhyDamonesmokesinhiscellalone.

Joey:

What?

Chandler:

Relaxyourhand!

（Joeyletshiswristgolimp.）

Chandler:

Notsomuch!

Joey:

Whoah!

Chandler:

Hey!

Joey:

Hey!

Chandler:

Alright,nowtrytakingapuff.

（Joeytriesandvisiblywinces.）

Chandler:

Alright..okay.No.Giveittome.

Joey:

Nonono,Iamnotgivingyouacigarette.

Chandler:

It'sfine,it'sfine.Look,doyouwannagetthispart,ornot?

Here.

（Joeyreluctantlygiveshimthecigarette.）

Chandler:

Don'tthinkofitasacigarette.Thinkofitasthethingthat'sbeenmissingfromyourhand.Whenyou'reholdingit,youfeelright.Youfeelcomplete.

Joey:

Y'missit?

Chandler:

Nah,notsomuch.Alright,nowwesmoke.（Takesapuff.）Oh..my..God.（Hecontinuestosmoke.）

[Scene,CentralPerk,everyoneexceptPhoebeandRachelisthere.]

Monica:

No,no,no.Theysayit'sthesameasthedistancefromthetipofaguy'sthumbtothetipofhisindexfinger.

（Theguysstretchouttheirfingers.）

Joey:

That'sridiculous!

Ross:

CanIuse..eitherthumb?

Rachel:

（carryingatrayofdrinks）Alright,don'ttellme,don'ttellme!

（Startshandingthemout.）DecafcappucinoforJoey..Coffeeblack..Late..Andanicedtea.I'mgettingprettygoodatthis!

All:

Yeah.Yeah,excellent.

Rachel:

（leavingtoserveothers）Goodforme!

（ThegangswapsallthedrinksforwhattheyorderedasPhoebeenters.Shesitsdownwithoutsayinghi.）

Joey:

Y'okay,Phoebe?

Phoebe:

Yeah-no-I'mjust-it's,Ihaven'tworked-It'smybank.

Monica:

Whatdidtheydotoyou?

Phoebe:

It'snothing,it'sjust-Okay.I'mgoingthroughmymail,andIopenuptheirmonthly,youknow,STATEMENT-

Ross:

Easy.

Phoebe:

-andthere'sfivehundredextradollarsinmyaccount.

Chandler:

Oh,Satan'sminionsatworkagain...

Phoebe:

Yes,'causenowIhavetogodownthere,anddealwiththem.

Joey:

Whatareyoutalkingabout?

Keepit!

Phoebe:

It'snotmine,Ididn'tearnit,ifIkeptit,itwouldbelikestealing.

Rachel:

Yeah,butifyouspentit,itwouldbelikeshopping!

Phoebe:

Okay.Okay,let'ssayIboughtareallygreatpairofshoes.DoyouknowwhatI'dhear,witheverystepItook?

'Not-mine.Not-mine.Not-mine.'AndevenifIwashappy,okay,and,andskipping-'Not-not-mine,not-not-mine,not-not-mine,not-not-mine'...

Monica:

We'rewithyou.Wegotit.

（Chandlerleansoverthebackofthecouchoutofsight.）

Phoebe:

Okay.I'd-just-I'dneverbeabletoenjoyit.Itwouldbelikethisgiantkarmicdebt.

Rachel:

Chandler,whatareyoudoing?

Monica:

（pulinghimup）Hey.Whaddyadoing?

（Chandlertriestoshrugnonchalantlybuteventuallyhehastoexhaleamouthfulofsmoke.）

All:

Oh!

Oh,God!

Ross:

Whatisthis?

!

Chandler:

I'msmoking.I'msmoking,I'msmoking.

Phoebe:

Oh,Ican'tbelieveyou!

You'vebeensogood,forthreeyears!

Chandler:

Andthis-ismyreward!

Ross:

Holdonasecond,alright?

Justthinkaboutwhatyouwentthroughthelasttimeyouquit.

Chandler:

Okay,sothistimeIwon'tquit!

All:

Ohhh!

Putitout!

Chandler:

Allright!

I'mputtingitout,I'mputtingitout.（HedropsitinPhoebe'scoffee.）

Phoebe:

Oh,no!

I-Ican'tdrinkthisnow!

Monica:

Alright.I'mgonnagochange,I'vegotadate.

Rachel:

ThisAlanagain?

How'sitgoin'?

Monica:

'S'goingprettygood,y'know?

It'snice,and,we'rehavingfun.

Joey:

Sowhendowegettomeettheguy?

Monica:

Let'ssee,today'sMonday...Never.

All:

Oh,comeon!

Comeon!

Monica:

No.NotafterwhathappenedwithSteve.

Chandler:

Whatareyoutalkingabout?

WeloveSchhteve!

Schhtevewasschhexy!

..Sorry.

Monica:

Look,Idon'tevenknowhowIfeelabouthimyet.Justgivemeachancetofigurethatout.

Rachel:

Well,thencanwemeethim?

Monica:

Nope.Schhorry.

[Scene:

Iridium,MonicaandPaulaareatwork.]

Monica:

Imean,whyshouldIletthemmeethim?

Imean,Ibringaguyhome,andwithinfiveminutesthey'realloverhim.Imean,they'relike-coyotes,pickingofftheweakmembersoftheherd.

Paula:

Listen.Assomeonewho'sseenmorethanherfairshareofbadbeef,I'lltellyou:

thatisnotsuchaterriblething.Imean,they'reyourfriends,they'rejustlookingoutafteryou.

Monica:

Iknow.Ijustwishthatonce,I'dbringaguyhomethattheyactuallyliked.

Paula:

Well,youdorealisetheoddsofthathappeningarealittleslimmeriftheynevergettomeettheguy..

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,Chandlerissmokingoutonthebalcony,Phoebeisabsent.]

Joey:

Letitgo,Ross.

Ross:

Yeah,well,youdidn'tknowChiChi.

Monica:

Doyouallpromise?

All:

Yeah!

Wepromise!

We'llbegood!

Monica:

（shoutstoChandler）Chandler?

Doyoupromisetobegood?

（Chandlermakesa'Crossmyheart'sign.Itstartstorainandhetapsonthewindow.）

Joey:

Youcancomein,butyourfilter-tippedlittlebuddyhastostayoutside!

（Chandlersulkiltypicksupagarbagecanlidandusesitasanumbrella.）

（Phoebeenters,walkstothecouch,sitsdown,andbeginstoreadaletterwithoutsayinghi.）

Ross:

Hey,Pheebs.

Phoebe:

'DearMs.Buffay.Thankyouforcallingattentiontoourerror.Wehavecreditedyouraccountwithfivehundreddollars.We'resorryfortheinconvenience,andhopeyou'llacceptthis-（Searchesinherpurse）-footballphoneasourfreegift.'Doyoubelievethis?

!

NowIhaveathousanddollars,andafootballphone!

Rachel:

Whatbankisthis?

（Theintercombuzzes.）

Monica:

Hey.It'shim.（Ontheintercom）Whoisit?

Alan:

（ontheintercom）It'sAlan.

Joey:

（shoutingtoChandler）Chandler!

He'shere!

（Chandlercomesin,drippingwet.）

Monica:

（toall）Okay,pleasebegood,please.Justrememberhowmuchyoualllikeme.

（SheopensthedoorandAlanenters.）

Monica:

Hi.Alan,thisiseverybody.Everybody,thisisAlan.

Alan:

Hi.

All:

Hi,Alan.

Alan:

I'veheardschhomuchaboutallyouguyschh!

（Everyonelaughs.）

[Timelapse,Alanisleaving.]

Monica:

（toAlan）Thanks.I'llcallyoutomorrow.（Alanexits,toall）Okay.Okay,let'slettheAlan-bashingbegin.Who'sgonnatakethefirstshot,hmm?

（Silence.）

Monica:

C'mon!

Ross:

...I'llgo.Let'sstartwiththewayhekeptpickingat-no,I'msorry,Ican'tdothis,can'tdothis.Welovedhim.

All:

Lovedhim!

Yeah!

He'sgreat!

Monica:

Waitaminute!

We'retalkingaboutsomeonethatI'mgoingoutwith?

All:

Yeah!

Rachel:

Anddidyounotice...?

（Shespreadsherthumbandindexfinger.）

TheGuys:

（reluctantly）Yeah.

Joey:

Knowwhatwasgreat?

Thewayhissmilewaskindacrooked.

Phoebe:

Yes,yes!

Likethemanintheshoe!

Ross:

...Whatshoe?

Phoebe:

Fromthenurseryrhyme.'Therewasacrookedman,Whohadacrookedsmile,Wholivedinashoe,Fora...while...'

（Dubiouspause.）

Ross:

...SoIthinkAlanwillbecometheyardstickagainstwhichallfutureboyfriendswillbemeasured.

Rachel:

Whatfutureboyfriends?

Nono,Ith-Ithinkthiscouldbe,y'know,it.

Monica:

Really!

Chandler:

Oh,yeah.I'dmarryhimjustforhisDavidHasselhofimpressionalone.YouknowI'mgonnabedoingthatatparties,right?

（Doestheimpression）

Ross:

YouknowwhatIlikemostabouthim,though?

All:

What?

Ross:

Thewayhemakesmefeelaboutmyself.

All:

Yeah...

CommercialBreak

[Scene:

CentralPerk,MonicaisaloneasRoss,Rachel,Chandler,andJoeyenterdejectedlyinsoftballgear.]

Monica:

Hi..howwasthegame?

Ross:

Well..

All:

WEWON!

!

Thankyou!

Yes!

Monica:

Fantastic!

Ihaveonequestion:

Howisthatpossible?

Joey:

Alan.

Ross:

Hewasunbelievable.Hewaslikethat-that-thatBugsBunnycartoonwhereBugsisplayingallthepositions,right,butinsteadofBugsitwasfirstbase-Alan,secondbase-Alan,thirdbase-...

Rachel:

Imean,it-itwaslike,itwaslikehemadeusintoateam.

Chandler:

Yep,wesureshow