英语.docx

英语.docx

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英语

Thosearetheofficesandthesearethecubicles.That’smycubiclethere,andthisisyourcubicle.Thisisyourphone.Neveransweryourphone.LettheVoicemailSystemanswerit.ThisisyourVoicemailSystemManual.Therearenopersonalphonecallsallowed.Wedo,however,allowforemergencies.Ifyoumustmakeanemergencyphonecall,askyoursupervisorfirst.Ifyoucan’tfindyoursupervisor,askPhillipSpiers,whositsoverthere.He’llcheckwithClarissaNicks,whositsoverthere.Ifyoumakeanemergencyphonecallwithoutasking,youmaybeletgo.Theseareyourin-andout-boxes.Alltheformsinyourinboxmustbeloggedinbythedateshownintheupper-left-handcorner,initialedbyyouintheupper-right-handcorner,anddistributedtotheProcessingAnalystwhosenameisnumericallycodedinthelower-left-handcorner.Thelower-right-handcornerisleftblank.Here’syourProcessingAnalystNumericalCodeIndex.Andhere’syourFormsProcessingProceduresManual.

Youmustpaceyourwork.WhatdoImean?

I’mgladyouaskedthat.Wepaceourworkaccordingtotheeight-hourworkday.Ifyouhavetwelvehoursofworkinyourin-box,forexample,youmustcompressthatworkintotheeight-hourday.Ifyouhaveonehourofworkinyourin-box,youmustexpandthatworktofilltheeight-hourday.Thatwasagoodquestion.Feelfreetoaskquestions.Asktoomanyquestions,however,andyoumaybeletgo.

Thatisourreceptionist.Sheisatemp.Wegothroughreceptionistshere.Theyquitwithalarmingfrequency.Bepoliteandciviltothetemps.Learntheirnames,andinvitethemtolunchoccasionally.Butdon’tgetclosetothem,asitonlymakesitmoredifficultwhentheyleave.Andtheyalwaysleave.Youcanbesureofthat.

Themen’sroomisoverthere.Thewomen’sroomisoverthere.JohnLaFountaine,whositsoverthere,usesthewomen’sroomoccasionally.Hesaysitisaccidental.Weknowbetter,butweletitpass.JohnLaFountaineisharmless,hisforaysintotheforbiddenterritoryofthewomen’sroomsimplyabenignthrill,afaintbliponthedull,flatlineofhislife.

RussellNash,whositsinthecubicletoyourleft,isinlovewithAmandaPierce,whositsinthecubicletoyourright.Theyridethesamebustogetherafterwork.ForAmandaPierce,itisjustatediousbusridemadelesstediousbytheidlenatteringofRussellNash.ButforRussellNash,itisthehighlightofhisday.Itisthehighlightofhislife.RussellNashhasputonfortypoundsandgrowsfatterwitheachpassingmonth,nibblingonchipsandcookieswhilepeekingglumlyoverthepartitionsatAmandaPierceandgorginghimselfathomeoncoldpizzaandicecreamwhilewatchingadultvideosonTV.

AmandaPierce,inthecubicletoyourright,hasasix-yearoldsonnamedJamie,whoisautistic.Hercubicleisplasteredfromtoptobottomwiththeboy’scrayonartwork—sheetaftersheetofpreciselydrawnconcentriccirclesandellipses,inblackandyellow.SherotatesthemeveryotherFriday.Besuretocommentonthem.AmandaPiercealsohasahusband,whoisalawyer.Hesubjectshertoanescalatingarrayofpainfulandhumiliatingsexgames,towhichAmandaPiercereluctantlysubmits.Shecomestoworkexhaustedandfreshlywoundedeachmorning,wincingfromtheabrasionsonherbreasts,orthebruisesonherabdomen,orthesecond-degreeburnsonthebacksofherthighs.

Butwe’renotsupposedtoknowanyofthis.Donotleton.Ifyouleton,youmaybeletgo.

AmandaPierce,whotoleratesRussellNash,isinlovewithAlbertBosch,whoseofficeisoverthere.AlbertBosch,whoonlydimlyregistersAmandaPierce’sexistence,haseyesonlyforEllieTapper,whositsoverthere.EllieTapper,whohatesAlbertBosch,wouldwalkthroughfireforCurtisLance.ButCurtisLancehatesEllieTapper.Isn’ttheworldafunnyplace?

Notintheha-hasense,ofcourse.

AnikaBloomsitsinthatcubicle.Lastyear,whilereviewingquarterlyreportsinameetingwithBarryHacker,AnikaBloom’sleftpalmbegantobleed.Shefellintoatrance,staredintoherhand,andtoldBarryHackerwhenandhowhiswifewoulddie.Welaugheditoff.Shewas,afterall,anewemployee.ButBarryHacker’swifeisdead.Sounlessyouwanttoknowexactlywhenandhowyou’lldie,nevertalktoAnikaBloom.

ColinHeaveysitsinthatcubicleoverthere.Hewasnewonce,justlikeyou.WewarnedhimaboutAnikaBloom.Butatlastyear’sChristmasPotluckhefeltsorryforherwhenhesawthatnoonewastalkingtoher.ColinHeaveybroughtheradrink.Hehasn’tbeenhimselfsince.ColinHeaveyisdoomed.There’snothinghecandoaboutit,andwearepowerlesstohelphim.StayawayfromColinHeavey.Nevergiveanyofyourworktohim.Ifheaskstodosomething,tellhimyouhavetocheckwithme.Ifheasksagain,tellhimIhaven’tgottenbacktoyou.

Thisisthefireexit.Thereareseveralonthisfloor,andtheyaremarkedaccordingly.WehaveaFloorEvacuationRevieweverythreemonths,andanEscapeRouteQuizonceamonth.WehaveourBiannualFireDrilltwiceayear,andourAnnualEarthquakeDrillonceayear.Theseareprecautionsonly.Thesethingsneverhappen.

Foryourinformation,wehaveacomprehensivehealthplan.Anycatastrophicillness,anyunforeseentragedy,iscompletelycovered.Alldependentsarecompletelycovered.LarryBagdikian,whositsoverthere,hassixdaughters.Ifanythingweretohappentoanyofhisgirls,ortoallofthem,ifallsixweretosimultaneouslyfallvictimtoillnessorinjury—strickenwithahideousdegenerativemusclediseaseorsomeraretoxicblooddisorder,sprayedwithsemiautomaticgunfirewhileonaclassfieldtrip,orattackedintheirbunkbedsbysomeprowlingnocturnallunatic—ifanyofthisweretopass,Larry’sgirlswouldallbetakencareof.LarryBagdikianwouldnothavetopayonedime.Hewouldhavenothingtoworryabout.

Wealsohaveagenerousvacationandsickleavepolicy.Wehaveanexcellentdisabilityinsuranceplan.Wehaveastableandprofitablepensionfund.Wegetgroupdiscountsforthesymphony,andblockseatingattheballpark.Wegetcommuterticketbooksforthebridge.Wehavedirectdeposit.WeareallmembersofCostco.

Thisisourkitchenette.Andthis,thisisourMr.Coffee.Wehaveacoffeepoolintowhichweeachpaytwodollarsaweekforcoffee,filters,sugar,andCoffee-mate.IfyoupreferCremoraorhalf-and-halftoCoffee-mate,thereisaspecialpoolforthreedollarsaweek.IfyoupreferSweet’NLowtosugar,thereisaspecialpoolfortwo-fiftyaweek.Wedonotdodecaf.Youareallowedtojointhecoffeepoolofyourchoice,butyouarenotallowedtotouchtheMr.Coffee.

Thisisthemicrowaveoven.Youareallowedtoheatfoodinthemicrowaveoven.Youarenot,however,allowedtocookfoodinthemicrowaveoven.

Wegetonehourforlunch.Wealsogetonefifteen-minutebreakinthemorningandonefifteen-minutebreakintheafternoon.Alwaystakeyourbreaks.Ifyouskipabreak,itisgoneforever.Foryourinformation,yourbreakisaprivilege,notaright.Ifyouabusethebreakpolicy,weareauthorizedtorescindyourbreaks.Lunch,however,isaright,notaprivilege.Ifyouabusethelunchpolicy,ourhandswillbetiedandwewillbeforcedtolooktheotherway.Wewillnotenjoythat.

Thisistherefrigerator.Youmayputyourlunchinit.BarryHacker,whositsoverthere,stealsfoodfromthisrefrigerator.Hispettytheftisanoutletforhisgrief.LastNewYear’sEve,whilekissinghiswife,abloodvesselburstinherbrain.BarryHacker’swifewastwomonthspregnantatthetimeandlingeredinacomaforhalfayearbeforeshedied.ItwasatragiclossforBarryHacker.Hehasn’tbeenhimselfsince.BarryHacker’swifewasabeautifulwoman.Shewasalsocompletelycovered.BarryHackerdidnothavetopayonedime.Buthisdeadwifehauntshim.Shehauntsallofus.Wehaveseenher,reflectedinthemonitorsofourcomputers,movingpastourcubicles.Wehaveseenthedimshadowofherfaceinourphotocopies.Shepencilsherselfininthereceptionist’sappointmentbookwiththenotation“ToseeBarryHacker.”Shehasleftmessagesinthereceptionist’sVoicemailbox,messagesgarbledbytheelectronicchirrupsandbuzzesinthephoneline,hervoiceechoingfromanimmensedistancewithintheambienthum.Butthevoiceishers.Andbeneaththevoice,beneaththetidalwhooshofstaticandhiss,thegurglingandcryingofababycanbeheard.

Inanycase,ifyoubringalunch,putalittlesomethingextrainthebagforBarryHacker.WehavefourBarrysinthisoffice.Isn’tthatacoincidence?

ThisisMatthewPayne’soffice.HeisourUnitManager,andhisdoorisalwaysclosed.Wehaveneverseenhim,andyouwillneverseehim.Butheisthere.Youcanbesureofthat.Heisallaroundus.

ThisistheCustodian’sCloset.YouhavenobusinessintheCustodian’sCloset.

Andthis,thisisourSuppliesCabinet.Ifyouneedsupplies,seeCurtisLance.HewilllogyouinontheSuppliesCabinetAuthorizationLog,thengiveyouaSuppliesAuthorizationSlip.PresentyourpinkcopyoftheSuppliesAuthorizationSliptoEllieTapper.ShewilllogyouinontheSuppliesCabinetKeyLog,thengiveyouthekey.BecausetheSuppliesCabinetislocatedoutsidetheUnitManager’soffice,youmustbeveryquiet.Gatheryoursuppliesquietly.TheSuppliesCabinetisdividedintofoursections.SectionOnecontainsletterheadstationery,blankpaperandenvelopes,memopadsandnotepads,andsoon.SectionTwocontainspensandpencilsandtypewriterandprinterribbons,andthelike.InSectionThreewehaveerasers,correctionfluids,transparenttapes,gluesticks,etcetera.AndinSectionFourwehavepaperclipsandpushpinsandscissorsandrazorblades.Andhere