Unit 1.docx

Unit 1.docx

《Unit 1.docx》由会员分享，可在线阅读，更多相关《Unit 1.docx（10页珍藏版）》请在冰点文库上搜索。

Unit1

Unit1HappyFamilyLife

（1）

PartIWarmingup

A.

Tipsforahappymarriage

1Goondateswitheachother.Renewromanticfeelingsbyspendingspecialtimetogether.

2.Beasspecificasyoucanwhenyoucomplain,makearequest,orofferpraise.

3Whenstressedbyfatigueoryourowninsecurities,imagineyouandyourpartnerinafoxhole,surroundedbydanger.Insteadofstrikingoutatyourpartner,findawaytoprotectthepartnership!

4.Whenyoufeel"distant,"talkaboutitwithyourpartner.

5.Beassuredthatpartnersinallmarriagessometimesgettired,irritable,ordistracted.Worktogethertounderstandeachother.

6.Respecteachother.Leaveifdangerexists.Findprofessionalhelpifphysical,sexual,emotional,orverbalabuseoccurs.

7Fightto"understand"，notto"win".

Tape-script

HereareafewgeneralideasIbelievehelpmakeamarriagework:

1.Goondateswitheachother.Renewromanticfeelingsbyspendingspecialtimetogether.

2.Beasspecificasyoucanwhenyoucomplain,makearequest,orofferpraise.

3.Whenstressedbyfatigueoryourowninsecurities,imagineyouandyourpartnerinafoxhole,surroundedbydanger.Insteadofstrikingoutatyourpartner,findawaytoprotectthepartnership!

4.Whenyoufeel"distant,"talkaboutitwithyourpartner.

5.Beassuredthatpartnersinallmarriagessometimesgettired,irritable,ordistracted.Worktogethertounderstandeachother.

6.Respecteachother.Leaveifdangerexists.Findprofessionalhelpifphysical,sexual,emotional,orverbalabuseoccurs.

7.Fightto"understand,"notto"win."

B.Tapescript:

Havingbeenmarriedformorethan40years,Icanattesttothetruthofthefollowingstatement:

Toexcelintheartofdomesticargument,onemustmastertheartoflosing.

Modernpsychologistsaretakenwiththe"win-win"solution.Butinmarriage,successresidesmorein"lose-lose"solutions.Outofthese,bothpartiescanwin.Forintheloveconfiguration,losinggivesagiftthatalwaysreturns.

Theissuesthatpeopleargueovermostinmarriage,suchashowtospendmoney,oftenaren'ttherealones.Thekeyissueis:

Whoisgoingtobeincontrol?

WhenIwasyounger,myneedtocontrolaroseoutoffear,alackoftrust,insecurity.ThedayIfinallyrealizedIdidn'tneedtocontrolmywife--that,indeed,Ioughtnottocontrolher,thatIcouldn'tcontrolher,andthatifItriedto,Iwoulddestroyourmarriage--wasthedayourmarriagebegan.

Whatisitwewantmostfromamarriage?

Toloveandbeloved.Tobehappyandsecure.Togrowtodiscover.Aloverelationshipisthegardeninwhichweplant,cultivateandharvestthemostpreciousofcrops,ourownself,andinwhichourspouseisprovidedthesamerichsoilinwhichtobloom.

Wecannotobtainwhatwewantunlessourpartneralsogetswhatheorshewants.Soremember:

ifyouwanttofeellovedandrespected,giveupcontrol.

1.Thesefamilymembersmustbeabletoshowthattheman'sfamilyisatleastofthesamesocialclassasthewomanandthatacertainamountofmoneyexiststoallowthemarriagetogoforward.

2.ProbablyasfarasIcanseeit,thereasonisthattheygointomarriageorarelationshipwithaveryromanticviewoflovewhichIthinkhasbeencreatedbythepopsongs,byallthelovestories,bytheBarbaraCartlandnovels,etc.,thatyoungpeopleread.

3.Theotherwomanwho..,endeduporderingapizzathathadabunchofstuffonitthatIreallylikedandshe...Iorderedapizzathathadabunchofstuffonitthatshereallyliked,sowepickedateachother'spizzasallnightandwerealizedthatwewere...sortofhadanidealrelationship,sothatwecouldorderreallyanypizzaonthemenuand..,we'dbothbehappy.

PartIIAllyouneedislove?

Criteria1.Havingsimilarsocialbackgrounds.

Criteria2.Havingthesameraceorsameethnicbackground.

Criteria3.Havingthesamereligion.

1.Whydoesthespeakersaythatsomeofthepastpracticesrelatedtomarriagecustomsareweakening?

Japan/9.2%/arrangedmarriages

2.WhydoesthespeakersaythattheracesarestilllargelyseparateinmarriageintheU.S.?

3%/betweenblacksandwhites

A.Tape-script.

ManypeopleinWesterncultureschoosetheirownwivesandhusbands.Inmanyothercultures,spousesareoftenchosenbytheparents.InChinaandJapanbeforethiscentury（20thcentury）,upper-classmarriageswerearrangedbytheoldermales.InmanyculturesintheMiddleEast,Asia,andpre-industrialEurope,theman'sfamilynegotiateda"brideprice"withthewomen'sfamily;theman'sfamilywasexpectedtopayit.InHinduIndia,thebride'sfamilypaida"groom'sprice"tothefamilyoftheman.Thesecustomsareweakening;forinstance,only9.2percentofJapanesemarriagesarenowarranged.

Whatarethecriteriaforchoosingmates?

Mostmarriages-whetherarrangedbyfamiliesoroccurringfrompersonalattractionorlove--arebasedonsimilarsocialbackgrounds.Inotherwords,themanandthewomancomefromthesamesocialclass（orelseaclassthatisonlyslightlyhigherorlightlylower）.AmongmanypeopleinEgypt,keymembersoftheman'sfamilymustgotothefamilyofthewomanandproposemarriage.Thesefamilymembersmustbeabletoshowthattheman'sfamilyisatleastofthesamesocialclassasthewomanandthatacertainamountofmoneyexiststoallowthemarriagetogoforward.

Havingthesameraceorthesameethnicbackgroundisthesecondmaincriterionformarriagethroughouttheworld.IntheU.S.,wheretherearemanydifferentraces,only3percentofallmarriagesarebetweenblacksandwhites,meaningthattheracesarestilllargelyseparateinmarriage.

Inmanycountries,marriageisalsobasedonthewomanandmanhavingthesamereligion;thisisathirdcommoncriterionforchoosingamate.Inculturesinwhichreligionisaverystrongvalue,marriageswouldoftennottakeplaceiftherewerereligiousdifferences.

1.Unfortunately,perhapsintheinitialstagesit'sthephysicalappearancethatattracts.

2.Infactitshouldn'tbewhatsomebodylookslikethatisimportant.Youshouldbeabletolookbeyondthephysicalappearanceandseewhatsortofapersonheorsheis.

3.Inpopsongsandmagazinesandnewspapersandsoon,theideaoffallinginloveisalwaysemphasized.--InfactIthinkwecanprobablylaytheblameforthehighpercentageofdivorces.

4.Ithinkyouhavetodifferentiatebetweenfallinginlovewithsomebody,whichIseeasmoresuperficial,andlovingsomebody,whichIseeasadeeperemotionandonethatperhapslasts.

B.Tapescript:

A.Whatdoyouthinkitisthatattractspeopletoeachother,thatmakespeoplewanttobetogether?

B:

Ithinkthatperhapsunfortunatelyintheinitialstagesit'sthephysicalappearancethatattracts.Ithinkunlessyoufindsomebodyattractive,unlessthere'ssomethingaboutthem-itcouldonlyperhapsbethewaytheysmileortheylaugh,oratwinkleintheireye,orthewayacurlfallsovertheirforehead.Butsomethinglikethathastomakeyouinterestedenoughtofindoutmoreaboutthatperson,unlessthat'sthereIthinkyoujustdon'tbother.SoinitiallyphysicalattractionIthinkisall-important.

A:

Whydoyousay"unfortunately"?

B:

Becauseinfactitshouldn'tbewhatsomebodylookslikethatisimportant.Youshouldbeabletolookbeyondthephysicalappearanceandseewhatsortofapersonheorsheis,whetherthey'reselfishorselfless,whether:

they'rekind,caring.ButIthinkinitiallyyou'renotbotheredwiththat.Thatcomesperhapslater.

A:

Inpopsongsandmagazinesandnewspapersandsoon,theideaoffallinginloveisalwaysemphasized,sopeoplehavethisideathatyouhavetofallinlove.Doyouthinkthisismisleadingforpeople?

Doyouthinkpeopleexpectsomethingthatinfactdoesn'texist?

B:

YesIdo,infactIthinkwecanprobablylaytheblameforthehighpercentageofdivorces--it'sathirdIthinknow,isn'tit?

Ithinkoneinthreepeoplegetdivorced.ProbablyasfarasIcanseeit,thereasonisthattheygointomarriageorarelationshipwithaveryromanticviewoflovewhichIthinkhasbeencreatedbythepopsongs,byallthelovestories,bytheBarbaraCartlandnovels,etc.,thatyoungpeopleread.Really,youmeetsomeone,youfallinlove,andthat'sit,it'sthebeginning,theylivehappilyeverafter.AndIthinkthat'stheproblem,becausepeoplejustexpectthat,andit'snotlikethat.

A.Sowhatisit,doyouthink,thatreallysustainsarelationship,thatkeepsarelationshipgoing?

B:

Well,Ithinkyouhavetodifferentiatebetweenfallinginlovewithsomebody,whichIseeasmoresuperficial,andlovingsomebody,whichIseeasadeeperemotionandonethatperhapslasts.Fallinginloveissuperficialattraction,beingattractedtosomebodyphysically,havingfuntogether,whereaslovingsomebodyIthinkisanemotionthatgrows,itcomeswithsharedexperiences,perhapsenjoyingdoingthesamethingstogether,sharedhobbies,sharedinterests,sufferingtogetheraswell,goingthroughthebadtimes,helpingeachother,supportingeachother.Ithinkallthatneedstimetogrow,andI'dcallthatlove,andIthinkthat'swhatmakesarelationship,last.

C.Summary

Foryearsmenandwomenhavebeengettingmarried.Whenamanandawomangetmarried,itisoneofthebiggestdecisionstheywillmakeinlife.Amanmayselectawomanbecausehe,inhisowneyes,seesherasthe"just-right"wifeforhim.

Everymanhashisowndefinitionofwhatthe"just-right"wifeis.Forinstance,themillionairemanandthepoormanbothmaydefinetheir"just-right"wifeaccordingtoherphysicalqualitiesbutusedifferentwords.Althoughsomemendefinethe"just-rig