friends第一季第4集剧本.docx

friends第一季第4集剧本.docx

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friends第一季第4集剧本

104TheOneWithGeorgeStephanopoulos

[Scene:

CentralPerk,everyoneisthereexceptJoey.]

Monica:

Alright.Phoebe?

Phoebe:

Okay,okay.IfIwereomnipotentforaday,Iwouldwant,um,worldpeace,nomorehunger,goodthingsfortherain-forest...Andbiggerboobs!

Ross:

Yeah,see..youtookmine.Chandler,whataboutyou?

Chandler:

Uh,ifIwereomnipotentforaday,I'd..makemyselfomnipotentforever.

Rachel:

See,there'salwaysoneguy.（Mocking）"IfIhadawish,I'dwishforthreemorewishes."（Joeyenters.）

All:

HeyJoey.Hi.Hey,buddy.

Monica:

Hey,Joey,whatwouldyoudoifyouwereomnipotent?

Joey:

Probablykillmyself!

Monica:

..Excuseme?

Joey:

Hey,ifLittleJoey'sdead,thenIgotnoreasontolive!

Ross:

Joey,uh-OMnipotent.

Joey:

Youare?

Ross,I'msorry..

OpeningCredits

[Scene:

CentralPerk,RossandMonicaarewatchingPhoebesleep.]

Monica:

Howdoesshedothat?

Ross:

Icannotsleepinapublicplace.

Monica:

Wouldyoulookather?

Sheissopeaceful.

Phoebe:

（wakingandstartlingthem）Oh!

Whatwhatwhat!

...Hi.

Ross:

It'sokay,y'know,youjustnoddedoffagain.

Monica:

What'sgoingonwithyou?

Phoebe:

Igotnosleeplastnight!

Ross:

Why?

Phoebe:

Mygrandmotherhasthisnewboyfriend,andthey'rebothkindofinsecureinbed.Oh,anddeaf.Sothey'reconstantly,like,havingtoreassureeachotherthatthey'rehavingagoodtime.Youhavenoideahowloudtheyare!

Monica:

Well,ifyouwant,youcanstaywithRachelandmetonight.

Phoebe:

Thanks.

（ChandlerandJoeyenter.Joeyiscountinghissteps.）

Joey:

...Ninety-five,ninety-six,ninety-seven.See,Itoldyou!

Lessthanahundredstepsfromourplacetohere.

Chandler:

Yougotwaaaaytoomuchfreetime.

Joey:

（toRoss）Hey!

Here'sthebirthdayboy!

Ross,checkitout:

hockeytickets,Rangers-Penguins,tonightattheGarden,andwe'retakingyou.

Chandler:

Happybirthday,pal!

Joey:

Weloveyou,man.（KissesRoss）

Ross:

Funny,mybirthdaywassevenmonthsago.

Joey:

So?

Ross:

So,I'mguessingyouhadanextraticketandcouldn'tdecidewhichoneofyougottobringadate?

Chandler:

Well,aren'tweMr."Theglassishalfempty."

Ross:

OhmyGod,oh-istodaythetwentieth,Octobertwentieth?

Monica:

Oh,Iwashopingyouwouldn'tremember.

Ross:

Ohhh.

Joey:

What'swrongwiththetwentieth?

Chandler:

ElevendaysbeforeHalloween..allthegoodcostumesaregone?

Ross:

Today'sthedayCarolandIfirst..consummatedourphysicalrelationship.（Joeyispuzzled.）Sex...Youknowwhat,I-I'dbetterpassonthegame.IthinkI'mjustgonnagohomeandthinkaboutmyex-wifeandherlesbianlover.

Joey:

Thehellwithhockey,let'salldothat!

Chandler:

（tryingtostopRossleaving）C'mon,Ross!

You,me,Joey,ice,guys'nightout,c'mon,whaddyasay,bigguy,（Pretendingtopunchhiminthestomach.）Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Ross:

Whatareyoudoing?

Chandler:

（stops）Ihavenoidea.

Joey:

C'mon,Ross!

Ross:

Alright,alright,maybeit'lltakemymindoffit.Doyoupromisetobuymeabigthumbfinger?

Chandler:

Yougotit.

（Rachelrunsupcluchinganenvelope.）

Rachel:

Look-look-look-look-look,myfirstpaycheck!

Lookatthewindow,there'smyname!

Hi,me!

Phoebe:

IrememberthedayIgotmyfirstpaycheck.Therewasacaveininoneofthemines,andeightpeoplewerekilled.

Monica:

Wow,youworkedinamine?

Phoebe:

IworkedinaDairyQueen,why?

Rachel:

God,isn'tthisexciting?

Iearnedthis.Iwipedtablesforit,Isteamedmilkforit,anditwastotally—（opensenvelope）—notworthit.Who'sFICA?

Why'shegettingallmymoney?

Imean,what-Chandler,lookatthat.

Chandler:

（looking）Oh,thisisnotthatbad.

Joey:

Oh,you'refine,yeah,forafirstjob.

Ross:

Youcantotally,totallyliveonthis.

Monica:

Yeah,yeah.

Ross:

Oh,bytheway,greatservicetonight.

All:

Oh!

Yeah!

（Theyallgettheirwalletsoutandgivegeneroustips.）

Guys:

Hockey!

（TheygotoleavebutareblockedbythreeofRachel'sfriends,Leslie,Kiki,andJoanne.Theguyspausetostareatthem.）Hockey!

Hockey.（Theguys.）

Leslie:

（lookingaround）Rachel?

Rachel:

OhmyGod!

（Rachel,Leslie,Kiki,andJoanneallscreamandhugeachother.

Monica:

（toPhoebe）IswearI'veseenbirdsdothisonWildKingdom.

Rachel:

Whatareyouguysdoinghere?

Kiki:

Well,wewereinthecityshopping,andyourmomsaidyouworkhere,aaandit'strue!

Joanne:

Lookatyouintheapron.Youlooklikeyou'reinaplay.

Rachel:

（toapregnantLeslie）Lookatyou,youaresobigIcan'tbelieveit!

Leslie:

Iknow.Iknow!

I'maduplex.

Rachel:

（toJoanne）Sowhat'sgoingonwithyou?

Joanne:

Well,guesswhomydad'smakingpartnerinhisfirm?

（Shepointstoherselfandtheyallscreamagain.）

Kiki:

Andwhilewe'reonthesubjectofnews..（Sheholdsupherefingertoshowoffherengagementringandtheyallscreamagain.）

Phoebe:

（toMonica）Look,look,Ihaveelbows!

（Theyscream.）

[Scene:

AStreet,ChandlerandJoeyarekickingacantoeachother.]

Chandler:

...PouletpassesituptoLeetch!

（PassesittoJoey.）

Joey:

LeetchspotsMessierinthecrease-there'sthepass!

（HekicksittoRoss,butRossisstaringintoashopwindow.）

Chandler:

We'lltakeabrieftimeoutwhileMessierstopstolookatsomewomen'sshoes.

Ross:

Carolwaswearingbootsjustlikethosethenightthatwe-wefirst-y'know.Fact,she,uh-shenevertook'emoff,'causewe-we-（offChandler'slook）Sorry.Sorry.

（Theywalkon.ChandlerandJoeystarttotalkbutRossstopsandwhines.）

Joey:

What?

Ross:

Peachpit.

Chandler:

Yes,Bunny?

Ross:

（points）Peachpit.Thatnightwe,uh-wehad-

Joey:

-Peaches?

Ross:

Actually,nectarines,butbasically...

Chandler:

（toJoey）Could'vebeenapeach.

Ross:

Then,uh,thenwegotdressed,andI-I...Iwalkedhertothe-（looksup,realises,andpoints）-thebusstop...I'mfine.

Joey:

Hey,thatwoman'sgotanasslikeCarol's!

（Theyturntostareathim.）What?

Thoughtweweretryingtofindstuff.

[Scene:

CentralPerk,Rachel,Lesile,Kiki,andJoannearetalking.]

Rachel:

Soc'mon,youguys,tellmeallthedirt!

Kiki:

Well,thebiggestnewsisstillyoudumpingBarryatthealtar!

Joanne:

Alright.Let'stalkrealityforasecond.

Rachel:

Okay.

Joanne:

Whenareyoucominghome?

Rachel:

What?

Guys,I'mnot.

Joanne:

C'mon,thisisus.

Rachel:

I'mnot!

ThisiswhatI'mdoingnow.I'vegotthisjob-

Kiki:

Waitressing?

Rachel:

Okay,I'mnotjustwaitressing.I'm..I,um...Iwritethespecialsonthespecialsboard,and,uh...andI,uh...Itaketheuhdeadflowersoutofthevase...Oh,and,um,sometimesArtelleletsmeputthelittlechocolateblobbiesonthecookies.

Leslie:

Well.Yourmomdidn'ttellusabouttheblobbies.

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,PhoebeandMonicaareinpajamasandMonicaismakingsomethingintheblenderasRachelenters.]

Monica:

Hey,Rach.Howwasitwithyourfriends?

（SheandPhoebescream.）Okay!

HowwouldyoulikesomeTikiDeathPunch?

（Shepoursthecontentsoftheblenderintosomeglasses.）

Rachel:

What'sthat?

Monica:

Weeeell,it'srum,and-

Rachel:

Okay.（Grabstheblenderandstartstodrink.）

Monica:

WethoughtsincePhoebewasstayingovertonightwe'dhavekindalikeaslumberpartything.Wegotsometrashymagazines,wegotcookiedough,wegotTwister...（ThephoneringsandMonicaanswersit.）

Phoebe:

Ooh!

Ooh!

AndIbroughtOperation!

But,um,Ilostthetweezers,sowecan'toperate.Butwecanpreptheguy!

Monica:

Uh,Rach,it'stheVisacardpeople.

Rachel:

Oh,God,askthemwhattheywant.

Monica:

（onphone）Couldyoupleasetellmewhatthisisinreferenceto?

（Listens）Yes,holdon.（ToRachel）Um,theysaythere'sbeensomeunusualactivityonyouraccount.

Rachel:

ButIhaven'tusedmycardinweeks!

Monica:

Thatistheunusualactivity.Look,theyjustwannaseeifyou'reokay.

Rachel:

TheywannaknowifI'mokay.Okay..theywannaknowifI'mokay,okay,let'ssee.Well,let'ssee,theFICAguystookallmymoney,everyoneIknowiseithergettingmarried,orgettingpromoted,orgettingpregnant,andI'mgettingcoffee!

Andit'snotevenforme!

SoifthatsoundslikeI'mokay,okay,thenyoucantellthemI'mokay,okay?

Monica:

（pausesthenonthephone）Uh-Rachelhasleftthebuilding,canyoucallback?

Rachel:

Alright,c'mon!

（Miserably）Let'splayTwister!

[Scene:

MadisonSquareGarden,theguysaretryingtofindtheirseats.]

Ross:

（squeezingpastpeople）Sorry,sorry...Uh-oh.

Chandler:

What?

TherewasicetherethatnightwithCarol?

Plasticseats?

FourthousandangryPittsburghfans?

Ross:

No,actuallyIwasjustsayingitlookslikewe'renotsittingtogether.Butnowyoumentionit,therewasicetherethatnight...Itwasthefirstfrost...

Joey:

C'mon,sit.Justsitdown,sit.

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,they'reallhangingoutinthelivingroom.]

Monica:

Youshouldfeelgreataboutyourself!

You'redoingthisamazingindependencething!

Rachel:

Monica,whatissoamazing?

Igaveup,like,everything.Andforwhat?

Phoebe:

YouarejustlikeJack.

Rachel:

...Jackfromdownstairs?

Phoebe:

No,JackandtheBeanstalk.

Monica:

Ah,theotherJack.

Phoebe:

Yeah,right!

See,hegaveupsomething,butthenhegotthosemagicbeans.Andthenhewokeup,andtherewasthis,thisbigplantoutsidehiswindow,fullofpossibilitiesandstuff..Andhelivedinavillage,andyouliveintheVillage..

Rachel:

Okay,butPheebs,Pheebs,Jackgaveupacow,Igaveupanorthodontist.Okay,I-I-Iknow,IknowIdidn'tlovehim-

Phoebe:

Oh,see,Jackdidlovethecow.

Rachel:

Butsee,itwasaplan.Y'know,itwasclear.Itwasfiguredout,andnoweverything'sjustkindalike...

Phoebe:

Floopy?

Rachel:

Yeah.

Monica:

Sowhat,you'r