生活大爆炸全英文剧本405.docx

生活大爆炸全英文剧本405.docx

《生活大爆炸全英文剧本405.docx》由会员分享，可在线阅读，更多相关《生活大爆炸全英文剧本405.docx（13页珍藏版）》请在冰点文库上搜索。

生活大爆炸全英文剧本405

Series4Episode05–TheDesperation Emanation

Scene:

Theapartment.

Leonard:

AllI’msayingis,iftheytookallthemoneytheyspenttryingtomakeadecentHulkmovie,theycouldprobablyjustmakeanactualHulk.

Sheldon:

Thatisaptandamusing.IthinkIshallsharethatwithAmyFarrahFowler.She’llappreciatethewitticism.

Leonard:

Thankyou.

Sheldon:

It’llalsohelpimproveherinitialimpressionofyou.

Leonard:

Sowhat’sgoingonwithyoutwo?

Sheldon:

Well,thestatusisasitalwayswas.She’sagirl.She’safriend.Sheisnotmy,pleaseforgivemefordoingthis,girlfriend.

Leonard:

Right,right.Soyou’restilljusttextingandemailing?

Youdon’tfeelanyneedtohangoutwithher,youknow,beinthesameroom?

Sheldon:

Leonard,youaremybestfriend.I’veknownyouforsevenyears,andIcanbarelytoleratesittingonthecouchwithyou.ImaginemyattituderegardingprolongedphysicalproximitytoAmyFarrahFowler.

Leonard:

Gotit.

Sheldon:

Isensejudgmentonyourpart.

Leonard:

No,no.Maybealittle.

Sheldon:

MayIsuggestthatyourcriticismisbasedonjealousy.

Leonard:

Jealousy?

WhatdoIhavetobejealousof?

Sheldon:

Ihaveafunctioningandsatisfyingrelationshipwithafemale.Youhavenone.

Leonard:

Oh,right.That.

Sheldon:

Jealousyisanuglygreen-eyedmonster,notunliketheHulk,who,bytheway,alsohasagirlfriend.Inthisiteration,JenniferConnelly,whomyoumayrecallasthegirlfriendofRussellCroweinABeautifulMind,afeel-goodrompifthereeverwasone.

Leonard:

I’mnotjealous.

Sheldon:

Hu-u-urgh!

Leonardnotjealous.

Creditssequence.

Scene:

Theapartment.

Sheldon:

Youknow,itjustoccurredtome,ifthereareaninfinitenumberofparalleluniverses,inoneofthem,there’sprobablyaSheldonwhodoesn’tbelieveparalleluniversesexist.

Leonard:

Probably.What’syourpoint?

Sheldon:

Nopoint.It’sjustoneofthethingsthatmakesoneofthemeschuckle.Whatmakesyouchuckle,Leonard?

Leonard:

Hmm,recently?

Notmuch.

Sheldon:

Isitbecauseoftheconflictthatarisesfromyourdesperateneedtopair-bondwithawoman,andtheapparentcollectivedecisionofallwomankindtodenyyouthatopportunity?

Leonard:

Um,shutup.

Sheldon:

Youknow,whenmygrandfatherdied,andMeemawwasalone,mymomarrangedforhertovisitacentrethreetimesaweekwhereshecouldsocializewithotherlonelypeople.It’sverynice.Theydiscusscurrentevents,playbridge,getahotmeal.

Leonard:

Thatsoundslovely.

Sheldon:

Itisifyoulikebridge.Doyoulikebridge,Leonard?

Leonard:

Sheldon,I’mjustnotdatingsomeonerightnow.Idon’tneedtogotoaseniorcentre.

Sheldon:

Meemawresistedatfirst,butnowshelovesit.

Leonard:

Fine.IfIdon’tmeetsomeonesoon,youcanputmeinahome.

Sheldon:

It’snotahome.It’saseniorcentre. We’dneverputMeemawinahome!

Scene:

Thecomicbookstore.

Leonard:

Hey,guys.

Howard:

Hey.

Raj:

Hey.

Sheldon:

Allright,I’llbowtosocialpressure.Hey!

Howard（phonerings）:

Excuseme.That’smygirlfriend,Bernadette.Iassignedherherownringtone,BernadettebyTheFourTops.Hello,Bernadette.

Raj:

WhenIcallhim,hisphoneplaysBrownEyedGirl.Which,nowthatIthinkaboutit,isnotsogood.

Leonard:

Yourealizehe’sjustrubbingournosesinthefactthathehasagirlfriend,andwedon’t.

Rai:

Youmean,youdon’t.

Leonard:

Youhaveagirlfriend?

Howcouldyouhaveagirlfriend?

Youcan’tevenspeaktowomen.

Raj:

Twowords,deafchick.Itdoesn’tmatterifIcan’ttalk,becauseshecan’thearme.

Leonard:

What?

Raj:

That’swhatshesaid.

Leonard:

Great.Youhaveagirlfriend,Howard’sgotagirlfriend,Sheldon’sgotagirl…

Sheldon:

No,no,no,no!

Leonard:

…who’safriend.

Sheldon:

Thankyou.

Leonard:

Whataboutyou,Stuart?

Youhaveagirlfriendyet?

Stuart:

Oh,yeah.Yeah.ImetheratComic-Con,theoneplaceintheworldwheresayingIownacomicbookstoreisanactualpickupline.

Leonard:

Oh.Well,goodforyou.

Stuart:

Notreally.She’shorrible.Whenshewantstohavesex,sheputsonherplus-sizeWonderWomancostumeandshoutswhowantstotakearideinmyinvisibleplane?

Leonard:

Whydon’tyoujustbreakupwithher?

Stuart:

No,no,Ican’t.

Leonard:

Whynot?

Stuart:

‘CausethenI’dbealone,likeyou.

Raj:

Dude,whydon’tyoujustinvokeyourgirlfriendpactwithWolowitz?

Leonard:

BecauseIdon’tneedhisgirlfriendtosetmeupwithoneofhergirlfriends.I’mperfectlycapableoffindingagirlonmyown.

Raj:

Oh,Leonard,youremindmeofthefunnyoldstoryaboutamanwhowalksintoawomen’scorrectionalinstitutionwithastackofpaperworkthatwillallowthefemaleconvictstogofree.

Leonard:

You’resayingIcouldn’tgetlaidinawomen’sprisonwithahandfulofpardons.

Raj:

Areyougoingtoletmetellthestoryornot?

Scene:

Theapartment.Leonardisstretchedfacedownonthesofa.

Sheldon:

Leonard?

Areyousleeping?

Leonard:

No.

Sheldon:

Areyouill?

Leonard:

No.

Sheldon:

Areyoustilldepressedbecauseyou’realone,andnoonelovesyou?

Leonard:

Idon’tknow.Maybe.

Sheldon:

IwantyoutoknowthatI’mgenuinelyconcernedaboutyourwell-being.

Leonard:

Thankyou.

Sheldon:

You’rewelcome.Butit’sstillnoreasontohaveyourfeetinmyspot.

Amy（onwebcam）:

MayIofferanobservation?

Leonard:

Whatthehell?

Howlonghasshebeenhere?

Sheldon:

Sincewegothomefromthecomicbookstore.

Leonard:

Thatwastwohoursago.

Sheldon:

Asperyoursuggestion,we’rehangingout.Quitefrankly,Idon’tseewhatallthehoopla’sabout.Goon,Amy.

Amy:

Fromaneurobiologicalstandpoint,Leonard,youmaybealonebecauseyourpsychologicalstateiscausinganactualpheromone-basedstinkofdesperation.

Sheldon:

Didyouknowthat,Leonard?

Leonard:

No.

Sheldon:

Idid.

Amy:

Iunderstandthatsomepeoplefindmatesinsocialgatheringplacessuchasbarsortaverns.Haveyoutriedabarortavern?

Leonard:

No,I’mnotgonnatrytopickupawomaninabar.

Sheldon:

Wisedecision.Yousee,Amy,successatabarisbasedonclassicmaleattributessuchasheight,strength,attractiveness,theabilitytoholdone’sliquorandthrowdarts,separatelyortogether.Leonardhasnoneoftheseattributes,right,Leonard?

Leonard:

Right.

Amy:

That’snottrueofallbars.Juicebars,forexample.

Sheldon:

Oh!

Goodpoint,Amy.Yeah,buildingonyourpremise,Leonardcouldfrequentsushibars,saladbars,oysterbars,theAppleGeniusBar,whatareyoudoing?

Leonard（exitingtheapartment）:

Keepgoing.I’mlistening.

Amy:

Thatwasrude.

Sheldon:

Hedoesitallthetime.He’sacornucopiaofsocialawkwardness.

Amy:

Cornucopia.Whatamellifluousword.

Sheldon:

Let’smakethatourwordoftheday.

Amy:

Agreed.Andwe’llusemellifluoustomorrow.

Sheldon:

Well,Ihavetovoidmybladder.Itwasnicespendingthistimewithyou.

Amy:

Wait.Ihavearequest.

Sheldon:

Yes?

Amy:

I’dlikeyoutomeetmymother.

Sheldon:

Isee.CanIgetbacktoyouonthat?

Amy:

Certainly.Goodnight.

Sheldon:

Goodnight.（Closinglaptop,andrunningdownstairsinpanic）Leonard,Leonard,Leonard,

Leonard,Leonard,Leonard,Leonard,Leonard,Leonard,Leonard,Leonard,Leonard,Leonard,Leonard,Leonard,Leonard,Leonard,Leonard,Leonard.

Leonard:

Yeah,what?

Sheldon:

AmyFarrahFowlerhasaskedmetomeethermother.

Leonard:

Yeah.So?

Sheldon:

Whatdoesthatmean?

Leonard:

Well,youknowhowyou’realwayssayingthatAmyisagirlwho’syourfriend,andnotyourgirlfriend?

Sheldon:

Uh-huh.

Leonard:

Youcan’tsaythatanymore.

Sheldon:

Wait.What?

Leonard:

Look,sheobviouslywantstotakeyourrelationshiptothenextlevel.

Sheldon:

Idon’twantthenextlevel.Ilikethislevel.Fixitforme!

Leonard:

Me?

Well,howamIsupposedtofixit?

Sheldon:

Simple!

Youwantagirlfriend,Amywantstobesomeone’sgirlfriend.Takeheroffmyhands.Igiveyoumyblessing.

Leonard:

Thatisinsane.

Sheldon:

You’reright.Itwouldneverwork.Amyfindsyoutedious.

Leonard:

Okay,goodluck.

Sheldon:

Wait!

WhatamIsupposedtodo?

Leonard:

Well,haveyouconsideredtellingherhowyoufeel?

Sheldon:

Leonard,I’maphysicist,notahippie.

Leonard:

Allright,well,letmeseeifIcanexplainyoursituationusingphysics.Whatwouldyoubeifyouwereattachedtoanotherobjectbyaninclinedplanewrappedhelicallyaroundanaxis?

Sheldon:

Screwed.

Leonard:

Thereyougo.

Sheldon:

Amy’sright.Heistedious.

Scene:

OutsideHoward’shouse.Leonardringsbell.

MrsWolowitz（off）:

Howard,getthedoor!

Howard（off）:

Whycan’tyougetit?

MrsWolowitz（off）:

YouknowI’mdoingabowelcleanseformycolonoscopy!

I’mlikeanupside-downvolcanohere.

Howard:

Oh,hey.Ihopeyoudidn’thearthat.

Leonard:

Thevolcanothing?

No.

Howard:

What’swiththeT-shirt?

YouworkingattheApplestorenow?

Leonard:

No,it’sjustsomethingIthrewon.

Howard:

Iknowallyourshirts.That’snotoneofthem.YouwerepretendingtoworkattheGeniusBartopickupwomen,weren’tyou?

Leonard:

Yeah.Turnsout,theyguardtheiPods,buttheydon’tguardtheshirts.

Howard:

So,how’ditgo?

Leonard:

Itwasgoingwell.IwasshowingthissuperhotgirlhowtobootupinSafeMode.Themanagergotsuspicious,and,well,longstoryshort,theyreallydohavealittlejailinthemall.

Howard:

JustFYI,don’ttrytogobackwithafakemoustache.Imean,theymaynotreallybegeniuses,buttheyseerightthroughthat.

Leonard:

Iwanttoinvokethegirlfriendpact,Howard.

Howard:

Youthatdesperate?

Leonard:

No,Ijust,Iwantwhatyouhave.Youknow,Iwantawomaninmylife.

MrsWolowitz（off）:

HolyMoses,howmuchliquidcanbeinonetukus?

Leonard:

Tobeclear,ImeantlikeBernadette,notyourmother.

Howard:

Yeah,Iknowwhatyoumean.

Scene:

Theapartment.

Leonard:

Well