生活大爆炸全英文剧本402.docx

生活大爆炸全英文剧本402.docx

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生活大爆炸全英文剧本402

Series4Episode02–TheCruciferousVegetable Amplification

Scene:

Theapartment.Sheldonhasaseriesofwhiteboardsacrosstheroom.

Leonard:

Whatchadoin’there?

Workingonanewplantocatchtheroadrunner?

Sheldon:

ThehumorousimplicationbeingthatIamWileE.Coyote?

Leonard:

Yes.

Sheldon:

Andthisisaschematicforabird-trappingdevicethatwillultimatelybackfireandcausemephysicalinjury?

Leonard:

Yes.

Sheldon:

WhatI’mdoinghereistryingtodeterminewhenI’mgoingtodie.

Leonard:

Alotofpeopleareworkingonthatresearch.Sowhatisallthis?

Sheldon:

Myfamilyhistoryfactoringinlongevity,propensityfordisease,etcetera.

Leonard:

Interesting.CauseofdeathforUncleCarlwasKBB.What’sKBB?

Sheldon:

Killedbybadger.

Leonard:

How’sthat?

Sheldon:

ItwasThanksgiving.UncleCarlsaid,Ithinkthere’sabadgerlivinginourchimney.Handmethatflashlight.Thosewerethelastwordsheeverspoketous.

Leonard:

Idon’tthinkyouneedtoworryaboutdeathbybadgersbeinghereditary.

Sheldon:

Nottrue.Thefightorflightinstinctiscodedgenetically.Insteadoffleeing,hechosetofightbarehandedagainstabrawnymemberoftheweaselfamily.Who’stosaythatIdon’tsharethatflawedDNA?

Leonard:

Youcanalwaysgetabadgerandfindout.

Sheldon:

Butseriously,evenifIdisregardtheUncleCarlfactor,atbestIhave60yearsleft.

Leonard:

Thatlong,huh?

Sheldon:

60onlytakesmetohere.Ineedtogettohere.

Leonard:

What’sthere?

Sheldon:

Theearliestestimateofthesingularity,whenmanwillbeabletotransferhisconsciousnessintomachinesandachieveimmortality.

Leonard:

So,you’reupsetaboutmissingoutonbecomingsomesortoffreakishself-awarerobot?

Sheldon:

Bythismuch.

Leonard:

Toughbreak.Youwanteggs?

Sheldon:

Youdon’tgetit,Leonard.I’mgoingtomisssomuch,theunifiedfieldtheory, coldfusion,thedogapus.

Leonard:

What’sadogapus?

Sheldon:

Ahybriddogandoctopus.Man’sunderwaterbestfriend.

Leonard:

Issomebodyworkingonthat?

Sheldon:

Iwasgoingto.Iplannedongivingittomyselfonmy300thbirthday.

Leonard:

Waitaminute.Youhatedogs.

Sheldon:

Adogapuscanplayfetchwitheightballs.Noonecanhatethat.

Creditssequence.

Scene:

Theapartment.

Howard:

Whatdoweoweyou?

Leonard:

Itcameto$28.17.Let’ssaysixbucksapiece.

Howard:

Hereyougo.

Leonard:

Thankyou.

Penny:

What?

Leonard:

Nevermind.Igotit.

Penny:

Oh,youwantedmetopay.

Leonard:

It’snobigdeal.

Penny:

No,no,no,no.You’reright.We’renotgoingoutanymore,Ishouldpayformyself.（AfterRajwhisperstoHoward,andHowardlaughs）What?

Howard:

Hesaidifhehadwomanparts,he’deatforfreetherestofhislife.

Penny:

Yeah,butyouwouldn’tbeabletotalktoyourself.I’malittlelowoncash.

Leonard:

Hmm?

Howmuchyougot?

Penny:

Nothing.

Leonard:

Howcanyouwalkaroundwithnomoney?

Penny:

I’mcute.Igetby.

Leonard:

It’sokay,youcanoweme.

Penny:

Okay.

Leonard:

Sheldon,sixbucks.

Sheldon:

No,thankyou.I’mnoteatingpizzatonight.

Penny:

Butit’sThursday.Thursday’spizzanight.

Sheldon:

Notforme.ThursdayisnowCruciferousVegetableNight.Tonight’sselection,brusselssprouts.

Howard:

Really?

You’rechangingtheSheldoniancalendar?

Sheldon:

It’sasmallpricetopay.

Penny:

Forwhat?

Leonard:

No,no,don’task.

Penny:

Sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry.

Sheldon:

Inordertolivelongenoughtofusemyconsciousnesswithcybernetics,Ineedtochangemydiet.

Penny:

Wait.Cyberneticsisrobotstuff,right?

Sheldon:

Correct.

Penny:

Soyouwanttoturnyourselfintosomesortofrobot?

Sheldon:

Essentially,yes.

Penny:

Okay,here’smyquestion.Didn’tyoualreadydothat?

Sheldon:

Flattering,butsadly,no.I’malsoplanningtobeginanexerciseregimendesignedtostrengthenmycardiovascularsystem.AKAjogging.

Penny:

Wait.Honey,haveyoueverrunbefore?

Sheldon:

Certainly.I’verunfrombullies,dogs,angrychickens,andoneparticularlypersistentP.E.teacherdeterminedtobendmeoverandgivemeascoliosistest.

Howard（afterRajwhisperstohim）:

You’reright,Pennyjogs.Maybeyouguyscanruntogether.

Sheldon:

That’sanexcellentidea.Yeah,ifwechat,itwillcreatetheillusionoftimegoingfaster.

Penny:

No,itwon’t.Um,howdoesheknowIjog?

Howard:

Oh,hewatchesyoufromhiscarwithhigh-poweredbinoculars.

Penny:

Oh,myGod,thatissocreepy!

Howard:

Iknow!

（Rajwhisperstohim）Andhesayshe’snotgonnastop.（Rajwhisperstohimurgently）Thenseeashrinkandfigureouthowtotalktowomen.

Scene:

Leonard’sbedroom

Sheldon（off）:

（Knock,knock,knock）Ugh.（Knock,knock,knock）U-u-ugh.（Knock,knock,knock）Lenu-u-ugh.

Leonard:

Whatthehell?

What’sthematter?

Sheldon:

Ihavepainradiatingfrommynaveltomylowerrightabdomen.I’mnauseatedandfeverish.IbelieveImayhavecholera.

Leonard:

There’snocholerainPasadena.Justlikelastsummer,whentherewasnomalariainPasadena.

Sheldon:

Well,ifit’snotcholera,thenbasedonaquickInternetsearch,theotherexplanationsindecreasingorderoflikelihoodareHirschsprung’sDisease,botulism,a30-foottapewormoraccidentalingestionofchrysanthemumblossoms.

Leonard:

Whenwouldyouhaveaccidentallyeatenchrysanthemumblossoms?

Sheldon:

It’spartofanunlikelyscenariothatinvolvessleepwalkinganda24-hourflowermartwithaless-than-vigilantproprietor.Oh,Lord,mybelly!

Leonard:

Haveyouhadyourappendixout?

Sheldon:

Ihaven’t.I’vebeenmeaningto,butwhohasthetime?

Leonard:

Let’sgetyoutothehospital.

Sheldon:

Sothisishowitends,withcruelirony.JustasImakethecommitmenttopreservingmybody,Iambetrayedbymyappendix,avestigialorgan.Doyouknowtheoriginalpurposeoftheappendix,Leonard?

Leonard:

No.

Sheldon:

Ido.AndyetI’mdoomedwhileyouliveon.

Leonard:

Funnyhowthingsworkout,isn’tit?

Sheldon:

Oh,Lord,Ithinkit’sabouttoburst!

（Loudsoundoffarting）Ontheotherhand,itmighthavebeentheBrusselssprouts.

Leonard:

Goodnight.

Sheldon:

Goodnight.Appendicitis.WhatanervousNelly.

Scene:

Thehallway.

Sheldon:

（Knock,knock,knock）Penny.（Knock,knock,knock）Penny.（Knock,knock,knock）Penny.

Penny:

Coming,coming.Hey,niceknees.

Sheldon:

Thankyou.They’remymother’s.

Penny:

Oh.AndtheFlashshirtiswhat?

Becauseyou’regonnarunreallyfast?

Sheldon:

No,theFlashshirtisbecauseit’sFriday,butit’snicewhenthingsworkout.Where’syourheartratemonitor?

Penny:

Idon’thaveone.

Sheldon:

Whataboutyourpedometer?

Penny:

Don’thaveone.

Sheldon:

DoyouhavetelematicsinyourshoesconnectedtoaniPod?

Penny:

Uh,no.

Sheldon:

Whatdoyoudo,youjustgooutthereandgambolaboutlikeabunny?

Penny:

No.IjustruntillI’mhungry,thenIstopforabearclaw.

Sheldon:

Whyareyoudoingthat?

Penny:

It’sgoodtostretchyourmusclesbeforeyourun.

Sheldon:

Allright.

Penny:

Allright,let’sstartwithatoetouch.Okay,youdoit.

Sheldon:

Iamdoingit.

Penny:

Oh.Wow.Goodjob.Okay,um,canyoudothis?

Sheldon:

We’llneverknow.

Penny:

Okay,let’sjustwarmupontherun.

Sheldon:

Okay.

Penny:

Okay,let’sgo.

Sheldon:

Yeah,I’vebeenreadinguponbiomechanics.Ithinkyou’llbesurprisedatmy…Wah!

Oh!

Penny（squealing）:

Oh,myGod,areyouokay?

Sheldon:

Ithinkso.

Penny:

Oh,letmehelpyouup.

Sheldon:

Thankyou.（Loudsoundoffarting）

Penny:

Oh,Sheldon!

Sheldon:

Ifitmakesyoufeelanybetter,ThursdayisnolongerCruciferousVegetableNight.

Scene:

Theapartment.

Leonard:

Here’smychickencurry.Howard,yourshrimpbiryani.

Howard:

Thankyou,sir.

Leonard:

Palakpaneer,that’sPenny.

Penny:

Thanks.

Leonard:

AndforRajeshKoothrappali,fromwhosehomelandthesetastydishesoriginate,onelargeorderofchickenMcNuggets.

Penny:

Hey,what’smyshare?

Leonard:

Uh,12bucks.

Penny:

Okay,canIgetyouafterFridaywhenIgetpaid?

Leonard:

Sure.

Penny:

WhatamIuptonow?

Leonard:

Well,okay,withtheIndianfood,thepizza,theThaifood,thetankofgas,thefrozenyogurtandyourrent,uh,alittleoverfourteenhundreddollars.

Penny（afterRajwhisperstoHowardandtheybothlaugh）:

Whatnow?

Howard:

He’sjustexpressinghisadmirationthatyoudon’tevenhavetoputouttogetfreestuff.

Penny:

It’snotfree,I’mgonnapayhimback.（Rajwhispers.Bothlaughagain）Shutup!

Leonard:

Sheldon,areyougonnajoinus?

Sheldon:

Coming!

（Fromthebedroomarea,awheeleddeviceconsistingofabase,atee-shirtonacoathanger,andacomputermonitorwithSheldon’sface,appears）.Greetings,friends.

Leonard:

Greetings,whateverthehellyouare.

Sheldon-bot:

Iamamobilevirtualpresencedevice.Recenteventshavedemonstratedtomethatmybodyistoofragiletoendurethevicissitudesoftheworld.UntilsuchtimeasIamabletotransfermyconsciousness,Ishallremaininasecurelocationandinteractwiththeworldinthismanner.

Howard（afterRajwhisperstohim）:

Really?

That’syourquestion?

Whendidheputarampin?

Sheldon-bot:

You’reinmyspot.Thismayseemalittleoddatfirst,butovertimeyou’llgrowaccustomedtodealingwithmeinthisconfiguration.

Penny:

Yeah,tobehonest,Idon’tseemuchdifference.

Sheldon-bot:

Thankyou.That’swhatIwasgoingfor.Now,Leonard,tomorrow,whenwegotowork,you’llneedtoallowsomeextratimetogetmedownthestairs.Foryourconvenience,Idisassembleintofourpieces.

Leonard:

Thisisridiculous.I’mcomingtotalktoyou.

Sheldon-bot:

Youdon’tknowwhereIam.Myphysicalbodyissafelyensconcedinasecure,undisclosedlocation.

Leonard:

You’reinyourbedroom.

Sheldon-bot:

No,I’mnot.

Leonard:

Icanhearyourvoicecomingfromyourbedroom.

Sheldon-bot:

No,youcan’t.Wait.