loveisfallacy中英文对照.docx

loveisfallacy中英文对照.docx

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loveisfallacy中英文对照

LoveisFallacy

byMaxShulman

CoolwasIandlogical.Keen,calculating,perspicacious,acuteandastute—Iwasallofthese.Mybrainwasaspowerfulasadynamo,preciseasachemist’sscales,aspenetratingasascalpel.And—thinkofit!

—Ionlyeighteen.

Itisnotoftenthatonesoyounghassuchagiantintellect.Take,forexample,PeteyBellows,myroommateattheuniversity.Sameage,samebackground,butdumbasanox.Aniceenoughfellow,youunderstand,butnothingupstairs.Emotionaltype.Unstable.Impressionable.Worstofall,afaddist.Fads,Isubmit,aretheverynegationofreason.Tobesweptupineverynewcrazethatcomesalong,tosurrenderoneselftoidiocyjustbecauseeverybodyelseisdoingit—this,tome,istheacmeofmindlessness.Not,however,toPetey.

OneafternoonIfoundPeteylyingonhisbedwithanexpressionofsuchdistressonhisfacethatIimmediatelydiagnosedappendicitis.“Don’tmove,”Isaid,“Don’ttakealaxative.I’llgetadoctor.”

“Raccoon,”hemumbledthickly.

“Raccoon?

”Isaid,pausinginmyflight.

“Iwantaraccooncoat,”hewailed.

Iperceivedthathistroublewasnotphysical,butmental.“Whydoyouwantaraccooncoat?

”

“Ishouldhaveknownit,”hecried,poundinghistemples.“Ishouldhaveknownthey’dcomebackwhentheCharlestoncameback.LikeafoolIspentallmymoneyfortextbooks,andnowIcan’tgetaraccooncoat.”

“Canyoumean,”Isaidincredulously,“thatpeopleareactuallywearingraccooncoatsagain?

”

“AlltheBigMenonCampusarewearingthem.Where’veyoubeen?

”

“Inthelibrary,”Isaid,namingaplacenotfrequentedbyBigMenonCampus.

Heleapedfromthebedandpacedtheroom.“I’vegottohavearaccooncoat,”hesaidpassionately.“I’vegotto!

”

“Petey,why?

Lookatitrationally.Raccooncoatsareunsanitary.Theyshed.Theysmellbad.Theyweightoomuch.They’reunsightly.They—”

“Youdon’tunderstand,”heinterruptedimpatiently.“It’sthethingtodo.Don’tyouwanttobeintheswim?

”

“No,”Isaidtruthfully.

“Well,Ido,”hedeclared.“I’dgiveanythingforaraccooncoat.Anything!

”

Mybrain,thatprecisioninstrument,slippedintohighgear.“Anything?

”Iasked,lookingathimnarrowly.

“Anything,”heaffirmedinringingtones.

Istrokedmychinthoughtfully.ItsohappenedthatIknewwheretogetmyhandsonaraccooncoat.Myfatherhadhadoneinhisundergraduatedays;itlaynowinatrunkintheatticbackhome.ItalsohappenedthatPeteyhadsomethingIwanted.Hedidn’thaveitexactly,butatleasthehadfirstrightsonit.Irefertohisgirl,PollyEspy.

IhadlongcovetedPollyEspy.Letmeemphasizethatmydesireforthisyoungwomanwasnotemotionalinnature.Shewas,tobesure,agirlwhoexcitedtheemotions,butIwasnotonetoletmyheartrulemyhead.IwantedPollyforashrewdlycalculated,entirelycerebralreason.

Iwasafreshmaninlawschool.InafewyearsIwouldbeoutinpractice.Iwaswellawareoftheimportanceoftherightkindofwifeinfurtheringalawyer’scareer.ThesuccessfullawyersIhadobservedwere,almostwithoutexception,marriedtobeautiful,gracious,intelligentwomen.Withoneomission,Pollyfittedthesespecificationsperfectly.

Beautifulshewas.Shewasnotyetofpin-upproportions,butIfeltthattimewouldsupplythelack.Shealreadyhadthemakings.

Graciousshewas.BygraciousImeanfullofgraces.Shehadanerectnessofcarriage,aneaseofbearing,apoisethatclearlyindicatedthebestofbreeding.Attablehermannerswereexquisite.IhadseenherattheKozyKampusKornereatingthespecialtyofthehouse—asandwichthatcontainedscrapsofpotroast,gravy,choppednuts,andadipperofsauerkraut—withoutevengettingherfingersmoist.

Intelligentshewasnot.Infact,sheveeredintheoppositedirection.ButIbelievedthatundermyguidanceshewouldsmartenup.Atanyrate,itwasworthatry.Itis,afterall,easiertomakeabeautifuldumbgirlsmartthantomakeanuglysmartgirlbeautiful.

“Petey,”Isaid,“areyouinlovewithPollyEspy?

”

“Ithinkshe’sakeenkid,”hereplied,“butIdon’tknowifyou’dcallitlove.Why?

”

“Doyou,”Iasked,“haveanykindofformalarrangementwithher?

Imeanareyougoingsteadyoranythinglikethat?

”

“No.Weseeeachotherquiteabit,butwebothhaveotherdates.Why?

”

“Isthere,”Iasked,“anyothermanforwhomshehasaparticularfondness?

”

“NotthatIknowof.Why?

”

Inoddedwithsatisfaction.“Inotherwords,ifyouwereoutofthepicture,thefieldwouldbeopen.Isthatright?

”

“Iguessso.Whatareyougettingat?

”

“Nothing,nothing,”Isaidinnocently,andtookmysuitcaseoutthecloset.

“Whereareyougoing?

”askedPetey.

“Homeforweekend.”Ithrewafewthingsintothebag.

“Listen,”hesaid,clutchingmyarmeagerly,“whileyou’rehome,youcouldn’tgetsomemoneyfromyouroldman,couldyou,andlendittomesoIcanbuyaraccooncoat?

”

“Imaydobetterthanthat,”Isaidwithamysteriouswinkandclosedmybagandleft.

“Look,”IsaidtoPeteywhenIgotbackMondaymorning.Ithrewopenthesuitcaseandrevealedthehuge,hairy,gamyobjectthatmyfatherhadworninhisStutzBearcatin1925.

“HolyToledo!

”saidPeteyreverently.Heplungedhishandsintotheraccooncoatandthenhisface.“HolyToledo!

”herepeatedfifteenortwentytimes.

“Wouldyoulikeit?

”Iasked.

“Ohyes!

”hecried,clutchingthegreasypelttohim.Thenacannylookcameintohiseyes.“Whatdoyouwantforit?

”

“Yourgirl.”Isaid,mincingnowords.

“Polly?

”hesaidinahorrifiedwhisper.“YouwantPolly?

”

“That’sright.”

Heflungthecoatfromhim.“Never,”hesaidstoutly.

Ishrugged.“Okay.Ifyoudon’twanttobeintheswim,Iguessit’syourbusiness.”

Isatdowninachairandpretendedtoreadabook,butoutofthecornerofmyeyeIkeptwatchingPetey.Hewasatornman.Firsthelookedatthecoatwiththeexpressionofawaifatabakerywindow.Thenheturnedawayandsethisjawresolutely.Thenhelookedbackatthecoat,withevenmorelonginginhisface.Thenheturnedaway,butwithnotsomuchresolutionthistime.Backandforthhisheadswiveled,desirewaxing,resolutionwaning.Finallyhedidn’tturnawayatall;hejuststoodandstaredwithmadlustatthecoat.

“Itisn’tasthoughIwasinlovewithPolly,”hesaidthickly.“Orgoingsteadyoranythinglikethat.”

“That’sright,”Imurmured.

“What’sPollytome,ormetoPolly?

”

“Notathing,”saidI.

“It’sjustbeenacasualkick—justafewlaughs,that’sall.”

“Tryonthecoat,”saidI.

Hecomplied.Thecoatbunchedhighoverhisearsanddroppedallthewaydowntohisshoetops.Helookedlikeamoundofdeadraccoons.“Fitsfine,”hesaidhappily.

Irosefrommychair.“Isitadeal?

”Iasked,extendingmyhand.

Heswallowed.“It’sadeal,”hesaidandshookmyhand.

IhadmyfirstdatewithPollythefollowingevening.Thiswasinthenatureofasurvey;IwantedtofindoutjusthowmuchworkIhadtodotogetherminduptothestandardIrequired.Itookherfirsttodinner.“Gee,thatwasadelishdinner,”shesaidaswelefttherestaurant.ThenItookhertoamovie.“Gee,thatwasamarvymovie,”shesaidasweleftthetheatre.AndthenItookherhome.“Gee,Ihadasensayshtime,”shesaidasshebademegoodnight.

Iwentbacktomyroomwithaheavyheart.Ihadgravelyunderestimatedthesizeofmytask.Thisgirl’slackofinformationwasterrifying.Norwoulditbeenoughmerelytosupplyherwithinformation.Firstshehadtobetaughttothink.Thisloomedasaprojectofnosmalldimensions,andatfirstIwastemptedtogiveherbacktoPetey.ButthenIgottothinkingaboutherabundantphysicalcharmsandaboutthewaysheenteredaroomandthewayshehandledaknifeandfork,andIdecidedtomakeaneffort.

Iwentaboutit,asinallthings,systematically.Igaveheracourseinlogic.IthappenedthatI,asalawstudent,wastakingacourseinlogicmyself,soIhadallthefactsatmyfingertips.“Poll’,”IsaidtoherwhenIpickedheruponournextdate,“tonightwearegoingovertotheKnollandtalk.”

“Oo,terrif,”shereplied.OnethingIwillsayforthisgirl:

youwouldgofartofindanothersoagreeable.

WewenttotheKnoll,thecampustrystingplace,andwesatdownunderanoldoak,andshelookedatmeexpectantly.“Whatarewegoingtotalkabout?

”sheasked.

“Logic.”

Shethoughtthisoverforaminuteanddecidedshelikedit.“Magnif,”shesaid.

“Logic,”Isaid,clearingmythroat,“isthescienceofthinking.Beforewecanthinkcorrectly,wemustfirstlearntorecognizethecommonfallaciesoflogic.Thesewewilltakeuptonight.”

“Wow-dow!

”shecried,clappingherhandsdelightedly.

Iwinced,butwentbravelyon.“FirstletusexaminethefallacycalledDictoSimpliciter.”

“Byallmeans,”sheurged,battingherlasheseagerly.

“DictoSimplicitermeansanargumentbasedonanunqualifiedgeneralization.Forexample:

Exerciseisgood.Thereforeeverybodyshouldexercise.”

“Iagree,”saidPollyearnestly.“Imeanexerciseiswonderful.Imeanitbuildsthebodyandeverything.”

“Polly,”Isaidgently,“theargumentisafallacy.Exerciseisgoodisanunqualifiedgeneralization.Forinstance,ifyouhaveheartdisease,exerciseisbad,notgood.Manypeopleareorderedbytheirdoctorsnottoexercise.Youmustqualifythegeneralization.Youmustsayexerciseisusuallygood,orexerciseisgoodformostpeople.OtherwiseyouhavecommittedaDictoSimpliciter.Doyousee?

”

“No,”sheconfessed.“Butthisismarvy.Domore!

Domore!

”

“Itwillbebetterifyoustoptuggingatmysleeve,”Itoldher,andwhenshedesisted,Icontinued.“NextwetakeupafallacycalledHastyGeneralization.Listencarefully:

Youcan’tspeakFrench.PeteyBellowscan