绝望的主妇剧本.doc

绝望的主妇剧本.doc

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DesperateHousewives

Season1

Episode1

Mary:

MynameisMaryAliceYoung.Whenyoureadthismorning’spaper,youmaycomeacrossanarticleabouttheunusualdayIhadlastweek.Normally,thereisneveranythingnewsworthyaboutmydailylife,butthatallchangedlastThursday.

Ofcourseeverythingseemedquitenormalatfirst.Imadebreakfastformyfamily;Iperformedmychores;Icompletedmyprojects;Iranmyerrands.Intruth,IspendthedayasIspendeveryotherdayquietlypolishingtheroutineofmylifeuntilitgleamedwithperfection.

Thatiswhyit’ssoastonishingwhenIdecidedtogotomyhallwayclosetandretrievearevolverthathadneverbeenused.

Mybodywasdiscoveredbymyneighbor,Mrs.MarshaHuber,whohadbeenstartledbyastrangepoppingsound.Hercuriosityaroused,Mrs.Hubertriedtothinkofareasonfordroppingonunannounced.

Aftersomeinitialhesitation,shedecidedtoreturntheblendershehadburrowedfromme6monthsbefore.

MarshaHuber:

Oh~~~~!

It’smyneighbor.Ithinkshehasbeenshot!

There’sbloodeverywhere.Yes,you’vegottosendanambulance.You’vegottosendonerightnow!

Mary:

Andforamoment,Mrs.Huberstoodmotionlessinherkitchen,grief-strickenbythesenselesstragedy,but,onlyforamoment.IfthereisonethingMrs.Huberwasknownfor,itwasherabilitytolookonthebrightside.

Mary:

IwaslaidtorestonMonday.Afterthefuneral,allresidentsofWisteriaLanecametopaytheirrespect.Andaspeopledointhissituation,theybroughtfood.

LynetteScavobroughtfriedchicken.Lynettehadagreatfamilyrecipeforfriedchicken.Ofcourse,shedidn’tcookmuchwhenshewasmovingupthecorporateladders.Shedidn’thavethetime.

ButwhenherdoctorannouncedLynettewaspregnant,herhusband,Tom,hadanidea.“Whynotquityourjob?

Kidsdobetterwithstayhomemom.Soitwouldbesomuchlessstressful.

But,thiswasnotthecase.Infact,Lynette’slifehadbecomesohectic.Shewasnowforcedtogetherfriedchickenfromafastfoodrestaurant.

Lynettewouldhaveappreciatedtheironyifshestartedtothinkaboutit.But,shecouldn’t.Shedidn’thavethetime.

Lynette:

Stopit!

Stopit!

Stopit!

Kids:

Mom~~!

Lynette:

You’regoingtobehavetoday.Iwillnotgoingtobehumiliatedinfrontoftheentireneighborhood.And,justsoyouknowhowseriousIam?

Oneofthetwins:

What’sthat?

Lynette:

Santa’scellphonenumber.

Theotherofthetwins:

Howdoyougetthat?

Lynette:

Iknowsomeonewhoknowssomeonewhoknowsanelf.Andifanyofyouactsup,sohelpme,IwillcallSantaandIwilltellhimyouwantsocksforChristmas!

Areyouwillingtoriskthat?

Kidsshaketheirheadsno.

Lynette:

Ok.Let’sgetthisoverwith.

Mary:

GabrielleSolis,wholivesdowntheblock,broughtspicypaella.SincehermodelingdaysinNewYork,Gabriellehaddevelopedhertasteforrichfoodandrichmen.

Carlos,whoworkedinmergersandacquisitions,proposedontheirthirddate.Gabriellewastouchedwhentearswelleduphiseyes.ButshesoondiscoveredthishappenedeverytimeCarlosclosedabigdeal.

Gabriellelikedpaellapipinghot.However,herrelationshipwithherhusbandwasconsiderablycooler.

Carlos:

IfyoutalktoAlMasonaboutathing,IwantyoucasuallymentionhowmuchIpaidforyournecklace.

Gabrielle:

Whydon’tIjustpaintthereceiptonmychest?

Carlos:

Heletmeknowhowmuchhehadpaidforhiswife’snewconvertible.Look,justworkintotheconversation.

Gabrielle:

Ijustcan’tfindawaytoworkitin,Carlos.

Carlos:

Whynot?

AttheDonahueParty,everyonewastalkingaboutthemutualfunds,andyoufoundawaytomentionyousleptwithhalfoftheYankeeoutfielders.

Gabrielle:

Iamtellingyou,itcameupinthecontextoftheconversations.

Carlos:

Hey!

Peoplearestartingtostare.Canyoukeepyourvoicedown,please?

Gabrielle:

Absolutely.Wouldn’twantpeopletothinkwearenothappy.

Mary:

BreeVanDeCamp,wholivesnextdoor,broughtbasketsofmuffinsshebakedfromscratch.Breewasknownforhercooking,andformakingforherclothes,andfordoingherowngardeningandforre-upholsteringherownfurniture.Yes,Bree’smanytalentswereknownthroughouttheneighborhoodandeveryoneonWisteriaLanethoughtofBreeasaperfectwifeandmother.Everyonethatis,except,herownfamily.

Bree:

Paul,Zachary.

Zachary:

Hello,Mrs.VanDeCamp.

Paul:

Bree,youshouldn’tbegonethroughsomuchtroubles.

Bree:

Itwasnotroubleatall.NowthebasketwithredribbonspilledwithdesertsforyourguestsbuttheonewithblueribbonisjustforyouandZachary.It’sgonnaberolls,muffinsbreakfasttypethings.

Paul:

Thankyou.

Bree:

AtleastIcanmakesureyourboywouldnotmissamealfortomorrow.Iknowyou’reoutofyourmindwithyourgrief.

Paul:

Yes,weare.

Bree:

Ofcourse,Iwillneedthebasketsbackonceyoudone.

Paul:

Ofcourse.

Mary:

SusanMayer,wholivesacrossthestreet,broughtmacaroniandcheeses.HerhusbandCarlalwaysteasedabouthermacaroni,sayingthiswastheonlythingsheknewhowtocookandsherarelyshemadeitwell.ItwastoosaltywhensheandCarlmovedintheirhouse.ItwastoowaterywhenthenightshefoundlipstickonCarl’sshirt.ShewasburntitthenightCarltoldherhewasleavingherforhissecretary.Ayearhadpassedsinceherdivorce,Susanhadstartedtothinkhowniceitwouldbetohaveamaninherlifeevenonewhowouldmadefunofhercooking.

Julie:

Mom,whywouldsomeonekillthemselves?

Susan:

Well.Sometimespeoplearesounhappyandtheythinkthisistheonlywaytheycansolvetheirproblems.

Julie:

ButMrs.Youngalwaysseemedhappy.

Susan:

Yeah.Sometimespeoplepretendtobeonewayontheoutside,buttheyaretotallydifferentontheinside.

Julie:

AreyoumeanlikeDad’sgirlfriendwhoissmilingandsaysnicething,butdeepdown,youjustknowshe’sabitch?

Susan:

Idon’tlikethatword,Julie.But,yeah,thatagreatexample.

Susan:

Hey,I’msorryI’mlate.

Lynette:

Hey,Susan.

Mary:

SowhatdidCarlsaywhenyouconfrontedhim?

Susan:

Youwillloveit.Hesaid,“Itdoesn’tmeananything.Itwasjustsex.”

Bree:

Oh.ThatwasonthepageoneofPenthousetablet.

Susan:

Yeah.AndthenhehadaZenlookonhisface,said,“Youknow,Susan.Mostmenlivedlivesofquietdesperation.”

Lynette:

Pleasetellmeyoupunchedhim.

Susan:

No.Isaid,“Really,andwhataboutmostwomenlive?

Livesofnoisyfulfillment?

Mary:

Goodforyou.

Susan:

Imean,ofallpeople.Didhehavetobanghissecretary?

Ihadthatwomanoverforbrunch.

Gabrielle:

It’slikemygrandmotheralwayssaidanerectpenisdoesnothaveconscious.

Lynette:

Evenlimpsonesaren’tofthatethnical.

Bree:

SothatisthereasonIjoinedinNRA.WhenRexstartedgoingtothosemedicalconference,IwanteditinthebackofhismindthathehadalovingwifeathomewithloadedofSmith&Wesson.

Mary:

Lynette,Tom’salwaysawayonbusiness.Doyoueverworryonhim?

Lynette:

Oh,please.Thismangotmepregnant3timesin4years.Iwishhimhavingsexwithsomeoneelse.

Bree:

SoSusan,hashegonnatostopseeingthatwoman?

Susan:

Idon’tknow.I’msorry,guys.Ijust…Ijustdon’tknowhowI’mgoingtosurvivethis.

Mary:

Listentome.Weallhavemomentsofdesperation.Butifwefacethemheadon,that’swhenwefindoutjusttellsushowstrongwereallyare.

Bree:

Susan!

Susan!

IwasjustsayingPaulwantsustogooveronFriday.HeneedsustogothroughMaryAlice’sclosetandpackupherthings.Hesaidhecan’tfacedoingitbyhimself.

Susan:

Sure,that’sfine.

Bree:

AreyouOk?

Susan:

Yeah.I’mjustangry.IfMaryAlicewashavingproblems,sheshouldhavecometous.Sheshouldhaveletustohelpher.

Gabrielle:

Whatkindofproblemcouldshehavehad?

Shewashealthy,hadagreathomeandnicefamily.Herlifewas…

Lynette:

Ourlife.

Gabrielle:

No.IfMaryAlicewashavingsomethingofcrisis,weshouldhaveknown.Sheisjust50feetawayofus.

Susan:

Gaby,thatwomankilledherself.Somethingmustbegoingon.

Susan:

Iwouldn’teatthatifIwereyou.

Mike:

Why?

Susan:

Imadeit.Trustme.Hey!

Hey!

Doyouhavedeathwish?

Mike:

No.Ijustrefusetobelievethatanybodycanscrewupthemacaroniandcheese.Oh,myGod!

Howdidyou…?

Ittasteslikeburnedandundercooked.

Susan:

Yeah.Igetthatalot.

Mike:

Thanks.I’mMikeDelfino.IjuststartrentingSims’shousenextdoor.

Susan:

SusanMayer,Iliveacrossthestreet.

Mike:

Oh,IheardfromMrs.Huberaboutyou.Shesaidyouillustratechildren’sbook.

Susan:

Yeah.I’mverybigwiththeunder5set.Whatdoyoudo?

Mike:

Plumber.Soifyoueverhaveaclogorsomething…

Susan:

Now,everybody’sseenIhavebroughtsomething.Ishouldprobablyjustthrowthisout.

Lynette:

Easeup.Littlevampire..

Huber:

Lynette,I’vebeinglookingalloverforyou.Areyouawareofwhatareyoursonsdoing?

Lynette:

Whatareyoudoing?

Weareatawake.

Oneofthetwins:

Whenwegothere,yousaidwecangointothepool.

Lynette:

Isaidyoucangobythepool.Didyouhaveyourswimsuitson?

Oneofthetwins:

Yeah.Weputonourswimsuitswhenweleft.

Lynette:

Youthreeplaneditallright.That’sit!

Getout!

Oneofthetwins:

No!

Lynette:

No?

Iamyourmother.YouhavetodowhatIsay.Comeon!

Oneofthetwins:

Wewanttoswim.Youcan’tstopus!

Lynette:

GetoutorI’llgetintothepooltograbyou!

Getout!

Getoverhere.That’sright!

Getoverhere.Out!

Getout!

Paul,wehavetoleavenow.Onceagain,Iamsosorryforyourloss.Go!

Mary:

Lynetteshouldhavenotbeensoconcernedaboutmyhusband.Hehadotherthingsinhismind,thingsbelowthesurface.

Themorningaftermyfuneral,myfriendsandneighborsquietlywithdrawbacktotheirbusy,busyli